Spring Stags Fighting 6-8 p.1
     A stag pierces the brush and gallops through the
clearing, it’s eyes wide like a child’s imagination, which
had escaped me long ago, he longed for his family, I longed
for my innocence. I have nothing to suppress my depressed
state half denial, half indescribable I wanted to get away,
I wanted make everything write, like the third stag I felt
torn like nothing was quite right every day felt queer, and
every one that passed I long for back.
     “I feel empty like someone taking a pick and chipping
away at my soul. Every day felt like I was going to crumble
on the cruel world that I have learned to live on and every
one has learned to accept. Why? And some days I wish that I
would crumble, crumble and be forgotten washed away by
people who pretend to care, who celebrate my life. I never
had a life, I used to wish people cared but now I know no
one cares about anyone but themselves. No one is selfless
everyone pretends, a constant fight between themselves and
what they think is right like two stags fighting in the
forest some do what they think to be right some do what
they know to be wrong and wipe away the consequences with
money. We feel we know what right is, and yet still do
wrong. What is right feels wrong, and what is wrong, feels
wrong, and we do what is wrong, we know it to be wrong and
we do it. We walk around in our ties doing wrong, we know
it’s wrong, we do it and feel sorry for ourselves, that we
our not the problem when the people that we falsely accuse
of being the problem are among us the problem is us a
whole.”
     “Nice.”
     “Thanks.”
     The stag ran across the clearing kicking up dirt as he
ran. I loved spring, the birds chirping, the stags running,
Spring Stags Fighting 6-8 p.2
the rivers flowing, the trees waving, t-shirts, and Jules,
the most desirable girl I had, and probably ever will see.
Her hair glinted in the sun the way stag’s does in the
spring’s gold glare like that shown through the tree’s
green leaves.
     “You okay?”
     “Yeah.”
     “You really need to loosen up.”
     “Go to hell.” Smoke pranced through the air a faint
breeze swirling it into the crisp cool spring air. The
rivers swish drifting through the air. I loved Jules but
she didn’t love me, she had a girl friend, for Christ’s
sake but I just couldn’t drop her, Jules.
     “You sure you’re alright.”
     “No. Are you.”?
     “I don’t know.” I couldn’t handle it but I had to.
Smoke poured out of her nose. The leaves were soft on my
hand that I held my self on. Twigs poking through the
leaves poking my skin. I loved it here, quiet. Deep in the
beautiful wide woods. No one but us in sight, the wind
chilling my skin and beautiful stags running black eyes
like the world. Antlers menacing, and deadly. Hooves loud,
and beautiful. Muscles powerful, and strong. Jules’s black
hair fell imperfectly on her shoulders, Her red, purple,
and yellow flannel patched with Alien Sex Fiend, Joy
Division, The Misfits, and the Ramones, all roughly sewed
on with dental floss. Her pants had a chain hanging down to
her thighs, ripped at the knees. Her doc martens bringing
the whole outfit into perfect serenity.
patch.
“That new.” I said pointing to her Op Ivy
“Yeah, do you like it.”?
Spring Stags Fighting 6-8 p.3
               “Yeah, it’s cool.”
               “Oh I almost forgot.” I had scored a vintage
Acid Eaters vinyl. I flipped my backpack around and
unzipped it. I saw Jules from the corner of my eye looking
hopeful and excited the way a kid does at Christmas hoping
to get something good, hoping he would like it so that he
didn’t have to pretend to. I pulled out the record it was
still in the encore records plastic wrap. I saw her face
light up; it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from
my back.
               “This is awesome.” Her eyes darted around
the cover looking for the tiniest details. Another Buck ran
across the clearing pausing; looking me dead in the eyes he
paused for awhile his beautiful horns motionless in the
breeze. “What’s up with all the deer.”?
     “I don’t know.” Its eye’s met Jules’s and it darted
back into the woods. Jules stood up slowly and picked up
her bag slid the record gingerly into her bag and turned to
me “You coming.”
               “I’ll catch up.”
     Jules stood at look at me inquisitively for a while.
               “Alright.” I let out a deep sigh and gazed
down the hill. The trees are green but there are still
brown leaves on the ground on top of the soft wet spring
soil that’s infectious scent wafted through the crisp air.
I stood up and picked up my bag walking to the edge of the
little clearing were a little crest opened up to a very
large hill with logs in the trail to keep you from sliding
down. I took my first step onto the crest and my shoe
slipped right out from under me. I made no effort to catch
myself just closed my eyes tight and squeezed my backpack
straps. I hit the ground with a thud “Ow”. I let out a
Spring Stags Fighting 6-8 p.4
small cough and laid there hoping some how that Jules had
heard me and would come over the crest and ask if I was
alright. I laid there for a while thinking I may as well
give it a shot. When a few minutes passed, and I had
received no such sympathy I gave up on this prediction and
decided to try to catch up with Jules I got up to my feet
stepped around the crest proceeded more cautiously down the
hill. Jules was at the bottom waiting for me slightly
squinting as the sun peeked over the hill. “What took you
so long”.
     “I fell”.
     “Cool, did it hurt”.
     “Uhh. I guess not I don’t know”.
     “It looks like you were crying”.
     “I was I’m surprised you couldn’t hear me.”
     “Me too”. We preceded on down the path the sun
glinting off my eyes every now and again. Jules smelled
like stale cigarettes. We stopped just before the exit so
that we could change clothes. She stuffed her flannel into
her bag and tightened the buckles on the bag. I stuffed my
sweatshirt into my bag hearing the papers crinkling. All of
a sudden it just hit me like a rock like it always does. I
loved her. Like not like the stupid thing that kids text to
their girlfriends. But I loved Jules.
     “ You all right”.
     “No”.
     “What’s up”?
     “I love you Jules”. A look of puzzlement went over her
face and she stared at me for a while. Then her face
morphed into something in between anger and disbelief. She
scoffed then walked away. I just stood there, in awe that
was it, I lost her. Jules.
Spring Stags Fighting 6-8 p.5