Aware Of Where I Am
They Raised Awareness About His Disease. But I Am Unsure About My Awareness Of My Own Disease.

Rory it’s time dear”said n... I was already in my dream world by the time she had even gotten through the first word I hovered in between reality and Cragon just long enough to hear those words and then I was gone.
I was back by the waterfall I seemed seem to always arrive here of all the places. I didn’t arrive to the north to the repository for monsters buried deep in the mountain of Zocrox the creator of all thingevil. I never arrived to the east towards the setting sun by the thewradors the people of nothing their world exist of nothing even themselves they do not fight and they live in solitary peace due to the fact of their great ruler (they have no hope for a cure). They always give up at the first sign of trouble thanks too..... Quano not king or my lord just Quano. I never arrive to the south toward the Comanchi the people of the jungle the healers of this world. The bonds that keep this world together. The people of cures or as some might say Doctors. I never arrive West towards travelway. The way out I have never left this kingdom well at least that I remember. I am a person of one place and one place only.
I carefully circle the waterfall like I always do to make sure none of the monsters had escaped and come for me. I refuse to think of the past remember the names the monsters were once called but I can’t escape my thoughts. I shuddered and shut of my mind I went to the task of finding the Comanchi horn. A long slender shape it was. I blew into it softly but no sound came out. Any normal person would blow harder. That would signal the Comanchi that this person was not one of them. Or they did not respect that person but I was different. I guess you could could say I am a God to them. They know the truth they know my true nature. Not that I am inhuman or anything but I don’t normally tell people about myself.
I had only been there for 30 seconds when I felt a gush of wind and felt myself being whisked away. Before I would have looked up and try to see where I was going but only to be pushed back down by some invisible hand and hear something murmuring something indecipherable but calming. But I

was used to it now so I didn’t try. I finally stopped and felt myself being lifted and slowly lowered. As I sat up I recognized the pale blank walls of the retiring room. I felt I bright flash of light and then I left my body only taking my soul and a ghostly transparent me. I guess you could say I look like something out of a DREAM.
Ahh so calming and I could walk with much more grace now that I didn’t have reality covering me up like a blanket or a monster. When I first arrived my work or shall I say my walk was clumsy and awkward like I couldn’t quite get the picture of walking quite right like a child trying to imitate an adult’s walk. I gracefully danced over to the paneled door reading “to secure to save to preserve”. The Comanchi motto. As I entered the room I was surrounded by a deafening round of applause. The Comanchi seem to know everything about this place for example when someone leaves when someone arrives who has been marked to stay here for eternity and so on. I gazed around the room looking for their leader Quanis. I looked for his tall blonde hair head. He was not there. I then looked for Illina the head girl. I finally found her blonde hair in the back of the room after I shaked about fifty hands I was actually able to get to her. As I got up to her and did their ritual bow ( you lean over with one hand out and grasp the other persons and shake it. It always feels familiar but i can never put my finger on it. she already could tell the question I was going to ask. The Comanchi are great at telling how people are feeling from their eyes. I am not as great as the Comanchi are but I could tell that there was sorrow in Ilina’s eyes as I heard the words she spoke I cringed but then gazed around in fear. Illina said He is dead. The monsters got to him they have escaped their confinement and are now moving up into the. I closed my eyes wishing I wasn’t there but I felt her touch a finger to my chest right where my lungs were. I nodded before I had felt them coming I coughed all the time and I had trouble breathing day and night. I could feel them right now clenching my lungs in their meaty grasp getting tighter and tighter. I yelped with surprise when I felt Ilina’s gentle hand on my shoulder. She gently squeezed my shoulder. She whispered to me
“ just relax”. She said “you cannot shut out your mind, your feelings, and your thoughts just let them in and they will pass on”.
I didn’t listen I couldn’t bear the sensation of my situation. When I used to try before I came to Cragon it always felt as if my world was crashing down upon me as if the gods themselves were descending from the heavens. I had tried it about seven times until I finally gave up. Seven is now my lucky number to remind myself. I could feel myself slipping I started gasping for breath. I watched Illina stand over me how she held back the people the men the woman.
I my eyes opened wide with realization for a second and then everything was gone black. I woke up gasping and writhing something was grabbing me it was so bright this is what dying must feel like I realized I was o.k. with dying I had been waiting for as long I remembered for this day. I started to notice some dark shapes. Maybe the... I stopped myself before I could say the rest maybe the monsters had almost killed me and then brought me before their master. Then I realized wait why didn’t I feel the pain of something to tell me the monsters got me. I closed my eyes and then opened them. I laughed aloud with delight I was out of Cragon back in my rolling bed back in the room with the dreary walls I stopped laughing and then thought I might just wish I was back in Cragon. But I couldn’t suppress the next round of giggles what I thought was something grabbing me was really me blankets wrapped tightly around me. Probably so I wouldn’t fall out for that wouldn’t be the worst thing for me but it probably wouldn’t help my condition. Also what I thought was heaven’s rays shining upon was really an opened window. I was lucky very few people in their rooms were allowed open windows due to their condition but I had been here so long they had ran a couple of tests and found no difference. I was lucky most hospital rooms had those ugly gray drapes over the windows. I mean this place is already ugly enough with those hideous night gowns even I can’t escape those nightmares. I slowly gazed down at my pale scarred legs.
I looked up suddenly when I heard the door open a crack there was N. John. We always abbreviate the first part of his name because he hates it. He said his job here is to make sure we are O.K. and feeling good not feeling bad because of our condition he said his title reminds all of us So we call him N. John. He walked and said “hi Rory”. I smiled at him until I saw the cart behind him. I groaned he looked up at me and gave this half smile that looked somewhat grim. I had only been in reality for what three minutes and I was already on the journey to Cragon. I know that after surgery depending on how it went patients could be asleep for a long time. I was shocked that they were already running test they usually wait longer after the procedure to let me heal and to make sure the tests are right. I gazed up at N. John cautiously. I asked “How long have I been out?”. He looked up startled from where he had been preparing the utensils. He looked at me curiously and said “about three days”.
I gasped only that it made no noise my throat felt tight I tried to ask N. John for water but nothing came out.N. John kept on droning on “I assume they told you that you are going into extensive surgery. We would have done it sooner but we thought it safer to wait till your body has improved enough to where you can gain conscious”. I tried to tell him he must have gotten the wrong person that I had just awoken. I knew I could be in danger if he started testing. He walked over to me with the tubes. I have always known N. John to be a brave man but as he hooked me up he never once looked me in the eye well at least that I thought. But high up here right now as I look back I can see it clearly now. His eyes slowly rising to meet mine as he hooked up the machine. I remember. Those words that he said so powerful and meaning but at the same time unexpected and pointless. He said “We have to try you have to understand. Though at the same time I feel like he said you have to see.
At the time I only heard those words in Cragon I thought it must be the gods who created this world. Then I remembered wait J was this so called god I created this world. This world didn’t really
exist well it only exists in my mind. My imaginary world. I slowly swooped down. I expected the waterfall the peaceful rushing of its waters. Well let's just say I felt the rushing yeah the people rushing into war all around me. I see the monsters fighting I gasp all around me are the lost souls of the people who the monsters had claimed at the hospitals. They all were fighting for me why I realized as I looked around how twisted and utterly ruined my body felt. I realized this was the end. The lost Louis were losing they had lost their lives themselves and they could not save me. All was lost I lost hope. But deep down inside I felt a glimmer I Looked up to see nurse John charging into battle. Only to see him stop looking defeated already to weak to lift his sword and he hadn’t even reached battle.
I followed his gaze it led to me but then it went up. I now for a fact that nothing is taller than me here besides the monsters. I carefully turn around to see the gaping jaws of CANCER. I face my fears. Not those silly little impish fears but a big hairy matted brown black and red blood stained fur and the biggest jaws you have ever seen full of saliva. Watch that big creature drool tight over me with that nasty stuff hanging just inches from my nose as I gaze up at him. I am just inches away from death and somehow I feel relatively calm. I see that their is no hope for me but I remember in the hospital wait in a warm cozy one story house a wise woman wait my mother said if you lose hope you lose everything. Well my mom was partially right. I have lost myself in a world of calmness I still have my dignity or do I?... And I miraculously find myself opening my arms as if embracing death. I realize I had been expecting this day for so long bracing myself for the crushing feeling but U don’t feel crushed at all. I blink once and the next time I open my eyes I am in a world of white.
THE END