The Magical Kingdom Of Mathematica, And Twins Who Got Stuck In It
Connor Mackyntire was zoning out in math class again. His math teacher, Mrs. Grunheld, was droning on about fractions. He was getting so sleepy... A few seats away, his twin sister Riley stuck her hand straight up into the air. Mrs. Grunheld must have asked a question. Riley was the biggest teacherÕs pet in Green Valley Middle School, and ConnorÕs exact opposite. She had dirty blond hair, just like Connor, but hers was neatly combed, in a ponytail, and smelling like strawberry shampoo. She wore nice clothes to school - a sweater, headband, and freshly pressed jeans while Connor wore a hoodie and baggy pants. Uh oh... He thought Mrs. Grunheld was announcing a test. He sat straight up. She asked, ÒWho wants to pass these out?Ó RileyÕs hand bounced into the air like a rubber ball. Even though nobody else volunteered (and never would), Mrs. Grunheld looked around the room and murmured, ÒHmm. All right, Miss Riley, come on up.Ó The test was completed, with lots of complaining on the side. Mrs. Grunheld passed out the textbooks for the next unit, reminding the students that they must study chapters one to three for tomorrowÕs lesson or they would be very, very sorry. Once everyone sat back down, there was a faint noise penetrating the classroom. It sounded like a soundtrack from one of ConnorÕs video games, with trumpets playing a fanfare, and the gentle clink of glasses in a pub, and little boys selling fruit at an old-fashioned market, yelling ÒApples! Pears! Get your apples and pears right here!Ó The classroom was in disarray, searching for the mysterious noise. Through the midst of all the confusion, Connor realized where the noise was coming from- RileyÕs textbook. He strode over to her desk and practically yelled, ÒYour book is- itÕs- itÕsÓ. But he never got to finish his sentence, because his hand was sinking down toward a page, and Riley screamed, ÒDonÕt touch it! ItÕs probably radioactive or something!Ó But it was too late, as she grabbed ConnorÕs wrist just as his index finger touched the page. The book glowed a neon green and sucked the twins in.
When the light died down, Connor and Riley were sitting in the strangest car they had ever seen. It was driving itself along a country road. It had a vermillion body and a figurehead of a cat smiling smugly on the hood, whose eyes seemed to follow you wherever you went. But the strangest part by far were the sea green wheels, that changed shape with every turn. Riley was transfixed with them, watching them change first to a square, then a decagon, then a parallelogram. Connor was banging on the windows yelling, ÒGet us out! Get us out! WeÕre too young to die! This isnÕt even possible! WhatÕs up with the wheels, anyway?Ó By this time he had
pretty much exhausted himself, just as their car came up to a long bridge that crossed over to a shining, beautiful kingdom on the other side. On the bridge was a sign saying, Welcome to Mathematica! In the middle of the bridge there was a toll booth, with four separate lanes. The car drove itself to the one on the far left. It then stopped and rolled the window down. To Connor and RileyÕs shock, the person at the booth was a human-sized multiplication sign wearing a orange vest and a name tag reading Hello, my name is Monica. She clasped her hands together and said with delight, ÒOh! ItÕs been such a long time since a human came to visit! Do you have a license for your Geometruck?Ó She snatched RileyÕs math worksheets that she still had clutched in her hand. ÒWonderful. I see you have all your papers in order. Enjoy your trip!ÓConnor asked, ÒWait a second- ALL of you people are multiplication signs?Ó Monica looked extremely offended. Riley whispered in his ear, ÒOf course sheÕs offended! ThatÕs like calling all humans women. Obviously the boys are subtraction, and the girls are division because the children are smaller. The men are addition signs, and the women are multiplication!Ó The toll booth monitor, Monica, had probably overheard them, because she said, ÒThatÕs right, young lady! Have some apple pi to take on your way!Ó Connor made a mental note that the people of Mathematica had ears that were perhaps too good. And that Riley was a huge show-off. Who got to eat pie shaped like a weird house with a curve on top, like that poster in Mrs. GrunheldÕs classroom. The Geometruck drove across the bridge, into a marketplace on the other side. The noise sounded vaguely familiar. They drove past a candy store called Math is Sweet, promising ÒThe best Calculus Cookies and Algebra Pops youÕve ever tasted!Ó Connor and Riley were practically drooling and silently willing the car to stop, because with or without math, candy is candy. Unfortunately, the car refused stubbornly to stop, and the twins heard a velvety voice tell them, ÒYou know, it does rot your teeth.Ó The twins jumped in surprise. Riley grabbed a bit of plastic pipe that was left in the backseat and warned whatever it was, ÒShow yourself! Who are you!Ó The voice replied, ÒMy name is Sir Augustus Antony Amerly Alfredo Abercrombie Abenhizer. And if you cannot see me, as the young ones say, that is so your problem.Ó Riley understood immediately. She wondered ÒOh! But how?Ó Connor asked, ÒUm... Where is this thing anyway?Ó Riley had to reprimand him.ÓLook, dummy. Right in front of you.Ó Connor looked. ÒI see nothing but the marketplace, the hood, and that stupid cat- OH CARROTS! That stupid cat is TALKING!Ó He sat back hard on the seat. There must have been hallucination powder in that pi he stole from Riley. The voice continued. ÒIÕm not stupid, you know. Not me, Sir Augustus-Ò Riley interrupted, ÒIÕm sure you arenÕt. What were we sent here for, and how do we get out? The cat replied, ÒYou were probably sent here by your textbook. Is that correct? Close your mouth, Connor, you look like a dead fish. All else I know is that we are headed toward the
castle to meet the royal couple, that I am being forced to babysit you along your quest, and Riley, that your brother is exceedingly annoying. Well look at that, we are here already. Any questions?Ó Connor blurted out, ÒCan we call you Gus?Ó As the twins got out of their Geometruck and it drove away to park, he thought he heard Gus chuckle.
At the palace, there was a addition sign royal guard there to meet them. He told them, ÒMy name is Chad. Please come in to sign the guestbook, then you may meet the king and queen.Ó The guestbook was a massive, leather-bound book in a glass case. On each page there was a signature. Riley gasped, ÒLook! HereÕs EinsteinÕs, and hereÕs Thomas EdisonÕs, and hereÕs Paul Erdos, and Ronald Fisher! They all came here? I could actually touch something Einstein touched!Ó Connor made a face at her. Sisters. Chad explained, ÒMany of them stayed here for years, looking at the scenery and painting our people. Then they all went back. ThatÕs why Gus is so sour. He feels responsible.Ó They signed the book, then came into the grand hall, which was shaped like an infinity sign. Chad ushered them into their seats, which were scarlet plush armchairs near the head of the long table, which Chad explained were the seats of honor. A little subtraction sign page tooted a horn and announced, ÒPresenting our king, Sir Cumference, and Lady Diana of Ameter! Sir Cumference looked just like a king should look: strong, brave, proud, and grand. His wife was a matronly woman, who looked like a first grade teacher: kind and encouraging, but strict if anyone stepped out of line. Both king and queen were, strangely, human. She told the little subtraction sign, ÒSebastian, for the umpteenth time, please just call me Lady Di. It sounds quite royal, and IÕm not really that fancy.Ó Sir Cumference looked around and said, ÒWelcome, esteemed royal guests and human visitors! Let the feast begin!Ó Plates and plates of food literally floated down from the sky onto the table. When Connor and Riley saw the first ten plates, they exclaimed in unison, ÒBut itÕs all numbers on the plates!Ó Chad explained, ÒYes, humans are always a little confused at our food. These are One Buns, Two Thai Chicken, Three leaf Tea, petit Fours, Five Falafel, Six roast Chicks, Seven Soda, Eight Grated cheese and pasta, Nine Nuggets, and some meat pi. But donÕt fill up your stomach more than halfway, or you might have to miss out on dessert. Riley ate exactly half her fill (Connor filled himself up two-thirds of the way, but considered his stomach a bottomless pit anyway and so didnÕt care) and loved every bit of it. The king announced dessert and once again, mysterious dishes floated down from the ceiling. This time they were even stranger- they were cakes, but each one was only a fraction of a circular cake. The king walked by and asked, ÒEnjoying your Fraction Cakes? Oh yes, humans are always confused with these. I assume you are all half full?Ó Riley nodded. Connor looked ashamed. The king continued, ÒIf you are, then
pick the half a cake. There are also smaller fractions.Ó He added that after seeing ConnorÕs face. The fraction cakes were absolutely amazing! With every bite, the flavor changed. First from apricot, then to chocolate chip, then to pumpkin, then to vanilla spice and a million other flavors. When they finished their cakes, Chad told them, ÒI have just been informed that the king and queen want to talk to you. Please follow me to the living room.Ó Chad could do an excellent imitation of a stoic royal pillar when he was delivering instructions.
The living room was a comfortable space, despite its size, which was probably meant for entertaining. The couches, pillows, curtains, and rug were a warm orange. All of them were shaped in circles, probably in honor of the royal couple. Sir Cumference announced, ÒWe shall now give you your quest, which-Ò Lady Di interrupted, ÒThe poor children must be so tired. What are your names again?Ó Connor and Riley told her. ÒOkay then, we had better let Connor and Riley here sleep in the royal chambers tonight. You can give them their quest in the morning. Now, now, dear,Ó she said when the king tried to object. ÒChad, honey, please take the twins to their bedrooms. The bedrooms in the guest wing were furnished much the same way as the living room, but they had a few extra ÒnecessitiesÓ in addition. Connor, after meeting Riley in the corridor and bathroom that connected their rooms, yelled, ÒOh my gosh! My room has a video game system, flat screen TV, and a fridge full of chips, soda, and candy!Ó Riley gasped back, ÒMine has a huge bookcase, a purple bed, a fridge with chocolate, fruit, and sparkling water, laptop on the desk, and a hot tub!Ó They then looked at each other and agreed that the otherÕs room was stupid. Their night was the best they had ever had, especially away from home.
The next day, after a breakfast of One Buns and chocolate hazelnut Two-Tella, they were once again called to the living room, which had somehow changed colors to blue. The king announced, ÒNow you shall receive your quest. Bring in the quest scroll!Ó A page that the twins remembered as Sebastian struggled in with a huge papyrus scroll that had to be at least twice his weight. The king stood on a chair and unrolled the scroll, which ran down to his feet and across the floor. While he was reading the scroll, he murmured, ÒHmm... I would give them a dragon to slay, but that irritating Einstein boy burned them all. No, thatÕs too hard... Too easy... Darn it.Ó He stood up and told Connor and Riley, ÒWell, it seems I have no quests left for you. I suppose you may leave now.Ó Riley asked, ÒBut how do we get back?Ó ÒI guess you will have to find out yours...Ó said Sir Cumference, but Lady Di saved them by interrupting, ÒJust go to the place you heard when you came in and whistle. Gus and your Geometruck will come to take you back.Ó Riley and Connor left the palace. Riley mused, ÒI wish I had been paying attention.
The one time I donÕt pay attention in class, it leaves me stuck. Connor, IÕm not sure I trust you with this, but can you remember? Connor tried. ÒI think it may have been at the- at the- thatÕs it! The marketplace! I heard a little boy yelling for us to buy his apples and pears! And weÕre right there now!Ó He whistled. Nothing happened. ÒMaybe we have to whistle together. But I donÕt know how!Ó Riley started to get disheartened. ÒNow weÕll never get home to our parents!Ó she said and started crying. Connor always felt weird when girls cried, especially his sister. He tried to teach her to whistle. ÒJust put two fingers in your mouth and blow!Ó She tried just as he demonstrated. Suddenly, the Geometruck came screeching around the corner. ÒBut I didnÕt make any sound!Ó Riley marveled. Gus explained, ÒYou whistled a cat whistle. I could hear it. Now get in. I presume you want to go home. Yes, I thought so. DonÕt mind me. IÕm used to it.Ó They got in the car and drove off across the bridge. In a while, they came up to a neon green swirling portal where they came in. Before they went through, Connor wanted to do one last thing: ÒGus, I just want you to know...Ó Gus snapped, ÒWhat?Ó As the neon green swallowed them up, Connor told him, ÒWeÕre definitely coming back.Ó