Adrian Press Washtenawisms

Edwin DeBarr, of Ann Arbor, has been appointed to the cbair o chemistry in the Oklahoma univer sity. He is expected to give his at tention to the discovery of a hair re storer for territorial skulls without scalps. At a Saline gun-shoot, last week, a supposed miss-fire shell was replaced with another, which tore a gun barrel in pieces. How the gunner's braiñs escaped is still the reigning wonder. The first shell had "dropped it's wad" in the gun barrel. Ex-Gov. Luce will meet the farmer picnicers at Bridgewater on the 3ist, relate his knowledge of farming and incidentally set up a few grade stakes on the senatorial line. Uncle Cyrus is not dead, neither doth he sleepeth. A liberal reward will be paid by a Milán lady, for some person who can hold his breath, under fïfteen feet of water, long enough to fish up a two-gallon crock of excellent butter, that was suspended in the well, when the thirsty hired man, without knowledge dropped the water bucket on it and broke the cord. Alack! that elegant butter; that July-made butter; that August-thawed butter that hung in the well! Ypsilanti's pickle factory, jag cure, stay factory, box factory, mineral baths, etc., etc., are all running full blast. Ypsi. is on the high road to prosperity- a fact that Ann Arbor people would do well to remember. -Courier. But what of Ypsilanti's jag factories and her female suffrage society? Have they no earned credits? A Ypsilanti tax-payer who is evidently very "hot" Iets off through the Commercial, these scalding words: When a school is conducted on the plan so that a superintendent dismisses several hundred pupils and a dozen teachers for a half-holiday because the child of a member of the board asked him to, it is time we had different material on our board. # # Fletcher W. Jewell, once of Ann Arbor, recently showed up at Victoria, B. C, where he broke the marriage record into sraall fragments. He met his fate in the morning, feil in love with her before dinner and married her before supper. He started in for a license at 5:25, secured it, drummed up a preacher, got married and was eating wedding cake at ten minutes to six. It took a Michigander to do it. The Adrián Press intimates that truth is sacrificed in our item two weeks ago, stating thatWm.Whaley's hen hatched out a flock of quails. This week we have the orderreversed. A man told us Saturday night that he saw a quail mothering two chickens. He has captured the chickens, hut the quail is still at large. - Milan Leader. Whataman tells another at Milan, on Saturday night, is very apt to be pronounced a lie, Monday morning, by the narrator himself. "It is just such fellows as you" remarked the buil to Secretary Mills of the Washtenaw agricultural society Wednesday last week, "it is just such fellows as you, who lead us around to the fairs with bull-rings in our noses; give us bad feed, no ied and quarrel about the prizes. You are a delégate to the Democratie state convention, and are probadly tor bull-raiser Winans,but you'll not go, you hear me bellow." And with that he knocked Secretary Mills down and was engaged in breaking his ribs when driven off with pitchforks. By a strange cast of contraríes, Mills' breaks were mended by Dr. Breakey. When the Milanese get drunk, some of them are for cutting down barber poles, while others are "efrybodish fren," according to the Leader, which remarks: No arrests, henee no ñames. If d. d.'s desire their names to appear in these columns they must manage it so as to be arrested and fined. This is a discrimination in favor of the very small minority who get hauled up for their misbehavior, but is not intended to debar the great majority who ought to be jugged, but for various reasons are not. Mike, the shaven prince and Falstaffian messiah, now doing time in the Jackson penitentiary, gives it out that he is merely fulfillingj God's word, in remaining in prison, ' I and that should he speak the word the prison walls would tumble in a chaotic mass of debris. Mike should not be too greatly stuck on his own ability. Samson after he was shaven remarked gayly that "he would go out and shake himself, as at other times," but wily Delilah winked slyly at her heathen brethren and remarked that Samson wasn't "in it" any longer; and so it proved. ' The Ann Arbor Argus is pressed off by waterworks power. Fish in the pipes clogged the works last week making repairs necessary and delaying the publication of the paper. Dexter workmen, while overhauling a building found a plain, old fashioned black-walnut cofnn, which it appears was made to his own measure, by Henry Vinkle, now extinct; and it is said 'twas his habitfor some years, to take an after dinner snooze in it each day, on a bed of shavings, enjoying cheerful dreams. He died in a distant state and could not send for his "wooden overcoat" in time.