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Smith's Magazine

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The drammer was talking to two or three reportera, "I niet an old fellow the other day in Adrián,'" he sakl, "that had a scheme of interest to you newspaper chappies." Naturally they asked hini to put them on. "An old fellow at a hotel there," he conbinued, "got to talking to me aboot newspapers. He said his name was John Smith, of Smithville, Smith county, Tenn., and that he had oritrfnally come from Michigan ind wastheu oa a visit ainong his relatives avarioua partsof the state, and alsotolook up menibers of the Smith family and name. " 'I have made money,' he said, 'half a milliou or more, and I'm going to spend a jart of it in establishing a monthly periodcal to be called Smith's Magazine, to which nobody shall become a subscriber unless he aears the name of Smith. Plain Smith, too, none of your SmythsorSmythesorSmithes or Schmids or anything like them.' " 'Great Scott, man,' said I, 'give me the money. What do you want to throw it away for? The Smiths are not humerous enough to keep you going.' " 'Ain't they?' he said, with a little sneer. Well, let me teil you there is hardly a state in the Union that hasn't a postoífice with the name Smith in it somewhere, and there are 1,500 postmasters and postoffice employees named Smith. Dlinois has, for lnrtance, a Smithfield, a Smithdale, a Smithboro, a Smithshji-e, a Smithton and a SmithviTle. Then "there are Smith's Creeks, Smith's Fovds, Smith's Ferries, Smith's Mills, Smith Groves.Smith Valleys, Smith's Crossroads, Smith's Lakes.Smith Landings, Smith's Corners, Smith's Rivers, Smith's Flats, Smith's ranches, Smithburgs,Smith's Basins, Smithtowns, Smith's Branches, Smith's Roads, Smith's Forks, Smith's polnts, and down in South CarolinaSmith's Turnout, all postoffices, too, from Maine to California, and tho Lord only knows how many Smith places there are that are not postoffices, mine, for instance. In Michigan there is a Smith in St. Claircountv and one in Saginaw; a Smith's Corners ín Sanilac and in Oceana counties. Then there are Smith's Creek, two Smith's Crossings, Smith's Siding and Smithville, four of them postoffices. " 'Two Smiths in Michigan are postmasters, and among business men there are about 100 in Detroit in business; 25 in Grand Rapids; 23 in the two Saginaws to only 7 in the two Bay Citíes; Lansing has 4, Kalamazoo 8, Ypsilanti 6, Adrián 7, and so on down to Adair, a small town of 60 or 75 people, where there ta_l. These are the figures 'of two yearï ago, and of course they have increased, because the Smiths are prolifio and progressive. I believe I am safe in saying there are upward of 15,000 Smiths in the state of Michigan alone. In other states they are proportionately as numerous, and you can readily see what a contingent I have to draw from, not countinc the family pride. Why, sir, in the national capital, a city of 250,000 people, there are over 1,300 Smiths, a Smith ratio of 1 to every 200, not counting the ehildren. And children, sir, are features of the Smith family.' " The drummer paused a moment. "Well, boys," he rcsumed, "that wasn't one-quarter of it. He had Smith statistics till you couldn't think, and when he finally had to stop to rest his chin I wanted to take several shares in his magazine, but I'll be blarued if he'd let me have it at ary price. Now, what have you to say to that?" "It's Smithical," piped a small reporter for an obscure sheet around the corner, and the drummer threw a cigar butt at him. -


Ann Arbor Argus
Old News