A New Yorker

'Trom New Vork, eh?" quericd nn ol farmer down in a New Jersey town where a raUrímd accident detained me week before last Süvewl liours. "Yes, írom New York," I replied. "Waal, yon've got a cur'us lot o' critters up thar." "What do yon mean?" "Too blamed pertickler for auythin! It's a wonder you don'fwant a different ah Erom what we breathe down here!" "Have you had a New Yorker down bere?" "I hev, and if he's a sample of your erop I never want to see another. He was drivin across from Vineland and broke down anc staid with me over night. Begun to put on aira the very fust thlng. Thought he was too awf ully nice to wash himself in the basin and wipe on the kitchen towel with the hired man and the rest of us. He wouldu't eat no fried pork for supper, anc he jest tasted the other things and shover' back and said he was tired." "Yes?" "We tried to make him feel to hum in the evenin, but he was as contrary as a mulé. One of the naybur's gals cum in and sung seven gospel hymns while my own gal played the organ, but he didn'1 seem to know what musio was. I offerec to play him a game of checkers, but he didn't thank me fur it. Jest carried himself as if he was the s;'lt of the ai ;; h and we was dlrt. The gals wactcd to make some 'lasses candy, but he turued up Ms nose and said he never eat it." "Sure he was a New Yorker?" "Oh, yes. We found that out fur sure. When he cum to go to bed, he pulled off the feather bed and throwed one of the pillars ou the floor. Wheu he got up, he Ijicked 'cause he didn't have water and (owels in bis room. We give him the best üa'rbrush in the house, but the blamed critter never used itl We borrowed the hired man's comb fur him, but he jest lookedat it andlaid itdownl Theoldwoman humped herself to git a nice breakfast, but he didn't appreciate it. You could see what bis bringing up was from the way he acted. He happened to git a fork with only one tine to it, and he asked the hired girl right out to chauge it for him! Even our preacher wouldn't hev done that. When I asked the blessing at the table, I had my eyes closed and eouldn't see him, but the hired man will sw'arthat hesort o' grinned all the time." "I think he must have come from Brooklyn." "Xo, he was a New Yorker straight 'nuff. and I guess a fair sample of the rest of you, from what I've heard. When he cum to go and I charged him 82 for meals and lodgin's, he flung the money down on the table and went oü mad. Why, them seven gospel hymns was wuth 3Ü00, to say nuthin of ;wo meals and a bed!" "From bis actions I should say that he was from Jersey City. In fact, I know a man over there who" "You needn't try to sneak out o' it, itranger," he interrupted. "He was one o' you New Yorkers who think you own the airth and part of Mexico, and I'm tellin you that if this train bas to stay here fur a month I wouldn't take one o' you home with me short o' $3 a day. Even then you'd Sev to sign a paper that you wouldn't turn up your nose at saleratus biscuits or kick at 'taters with their hides on!"