Adrian Press Washtenawisms

The Ann Arbor Argus gives an interesting review of the late Hon. Chas. S. Gregory, of Dexter. The Milan Leader man sighs for a drink of soda water, and there's not a soda fountain in the village. The ball team of the University of Illinois came over to "swipe" our "Athenians" last week. They escaped with their lives but not with their scalps. "The prize awarded the fast team of J. H. Ford, of Milan, for a dash of speed, was a pair of Whoa Emma bits," says the Leader. The team had run away. "The junior laws are being quizzed this week on 'Personal Property'," remarks the Washtenaw Times. Is it about the same thing as being "held up?" An electric light dynamo burned out at Ann Arbor the other night. Part of the city shone with the other dynamo, and part appeared to have been hit with an eclipse. The Ypsilanti Sentinel of last week announced a "full" board at the Monday session of the council. The record of proceedings "fully" justified the announcement. Rev. Dr. Cobern will preach next Sunday evening at Ann Arbor on the topic, " Jonah and the Whale." Bet him a thousand dollars he can't prove that it was a whale. Mrs. Joseph Collins, of Lyndon, had her carriage-top wrecked and her arm broken in the same act, by the interference of a tree limb in ■what was clearly none of its business. Charles Fox and a young lady, of Ann Arbor, were standing under a shed out of the rain, when boozer Roney and a bottle of whiskey bowled along and offered Fox a drink. He spit cptton and declined. Roney struck at him for this discourtesy, but hit the girl. She feit hurt, and did Fox, who sailed into Roney, with the young lady as referee. They were rolling around among the fleas, a mass of legs, arms and chaos, when bystanders interfered and segregated them. It has at last leaked out that the late destructive hurriclonado in Washtenaw was the despicable work of insurance agents. One of these wretches at Ann Arbor has since vritten $40,000 in cyclone insurance. Prince Mike, the shorn "Mesiah," doing a four years' sentence n Jackson prison, claims to have just finished a forty days' fast, having worked right along as usual. Mike is too much of a liar to be the true Christ. Ex-Governor Felch last week presided over the meeting of the state pioneer society at Lansing. The governor will soon round up a hundred years of life, which shows how a clear conscience and unadulterated democracy will keep a man going. The Adrián Press has presented me to its millions of readers in very modest attire, consisting of one suspender, a paper collar, and no shirt. - Poet Johnstone in Ann Arbor Argus. The poet lies! The Press never credited him with a paper collar, nor any collar. Rev. John G. Patón, D. D., a missionary of wide experience and a resident of the New Hebrides islands of the Pacific, lectured at Ann Arbor recently. The good man has devoted much of his life to the conversión of cannibals, and now the inhabitants of the New Hebrides will eat no human flesh except that of a very tender, juicy baby, wel! cooked. Now that the right to vote at municipal elections has been extended to the female kind in Michigan, would it not be the proper thing for Susan B. and her aspiring sisterhood to promptly become Michiganders? - Grass Lake News. The eminent Grass Laker may be an authority on two-headed frogs, but he overlooks Susan's secks. She can't be a Michi-ga udcr, poor thing! An Ann Arbor citizen "sassed" a lawyer, Saturday, worshiped in jail, Sunday, and paid a fine, Monday. And yet a lawyer can abuse a witness like a Turk, from Monday around till Saturday, if he wants to, and receive the protection of the law. If witness "kicks," the judge says he must answer. If he kicks the judge, he goes to jail for moving the poise on the scale of jnstice. It's not just! The Ypsilanti Sentinel thinks the Normal girls more winning than those of the University, as "the former got their appropriation for their 'gym,' while the latter got the cold shoulder. " Not to be wondered at. The University girls went up to Lansing scented with scholasticism shubarb, juley and laboratory compounds, while their Normal sisters, with liquid eyes and lilac blooms, wilted on the necks of the legislature and murmured, "Oh, do please, you dear old Sawbucks!" and they did.