Adrian Press Washtenawisms

The Salem creamery uses 5,000 pounds of milk daily, and no "Salem's daughters weep around." Washtenaw "budge" merchants pay this year $34,300 license, Ann Arbor contributing nearly half. Lightning struck the Advent church at Willis last week, with a noise that seemed to presage the millenium. Wages are so high about Grass Lake, that some farmers have rented their broad acres and gone to working out by the month. A lady cyclist at Ann Arbor, last week, run down and injured another lady. Right on the sidewalk, too, just like a masculine man. Normal non-socialists cleaned out the "Sassiety" dudes at ball, last week. Hinted that the girls will careen over toward the non-socialists. The South Lyon Picket, which was started "to fill a long feil want," has been slimed and boa-constricted by the Excelsior - "to fill a long feit want." Six children at the Ann Arbor congregational church were last week presented with Bibles. Better have distributed them to the adults, whose probation is shorter. _ ■■ . -ü a , .-vjj Merle A. Breed, a gradúate of the Ypsilanti high school, has become president of Benzonia college. President Breed is a well bred gentleman, a minister and a scholar. Emmet Coon, of Ann Arbor, has received a patent on an ash-sifter. Now let the perdition-doomed coal combine gaze with palid cheek upon that sifter! Too late, they see what they have done. No one in this part of Michigan has ever caught a perch that weighed a pound, says the Dexter News. Let the friends of truthful EditorThompson have a care over him. He is liable to be lynched by Hars. A teamster and a farmer at Ypsilanti last week had a fight, over 25 cents worth of cobble stones. One of them was struck senseless; then both were arrested and "Bogardused" to the value of many stones. "A belief used to be current that there was a bottom to the wheat market, but the idea has died an ignoble death," remarks the Dexter News, and it reminds us that the wheat tariff isn't high enough. What we want is a sky-scraper. % The Grass Lake Baptist choir practiced so badly, the other evening, that a hanging lamp feil down upon the organ and so deranged its internal works that a wheezy old instrument in the back room was brought in for Sunday service. Supervisor and Deputy-Oil-Inspector Gilbert, of Sylvan, must be getting ready to boom his candicacy for the presidency. He has just erected a windmill on his place. - Argus. But, can he tell what became fof Inspector Cohn's testing apparatus? Willie Davis, of Ypsilanti, spilled some powder, which he swept into a dustpan. A cunning "kid," threw a lighted match in it, and Willie, though his eyes were saved, will bear marks on his face that should entitle him to lick the other boy once a month during the rest of his life. The Ann Arbor town clerk will be at the court house on Saturday, June 24, for the purpose of taking woodchucks, crows, hawks and sparrows, from 2 p. m. to 5 p. m. - Argus. If he passes thiszoo-ornithological trial, uncheated by the small boy, he's a cuckoo. # The South Washtenaw Farmers' Club is saying the meanest things it can find in the dictionary about the late legislature, for passing the new law relative to road work. They say it will créate a new office - commissioner of roads - for politicians to grab for. It makes us "hot" to hear any one speak ill of our noble legislature. The Register says that Maris T. Kendig, a graduating law student of the University, got through the first year on $95, of which $60 went as University fees. This left him $35 for subsistence, coctails, theater tickets, and clothes. Does someone say that was nothing? Well, that was about the size of it. Hailstones feil in Ann Arbor, Thursday of last week, as large as pieces of chalk and many were much larger. A photographic skylight was "knocked silly," trees blown down, motors burned out, and the windows of the University building made to look as though they had umpired a baseball game. It is gathered from the Milan Leader that "as the sun of the solar system slowly glided into view, yesterday morning, a son of Mr. and Mrs. Crolius 'first opened his eyes to the light of day'." This shows that there was nothing lazy about the little cuss. Up, at the peep of morn, to see the robin yank the angleworm. " Iron Creek," in Manchester township, has dropped into "inocuous desuetude," $nd in its place "Windemere" spreads out serenely over the same territory. Yet the voice of the mudturtle is 110 sweeter, the croak of the bull-frog just as harsh, and the fish-liar's tales just as enormous andunbelievablearound Iron Lake as ever. "I suppose it will be all right to check against this?" queried a stranger calling himself J. H. Whitmore, to cashier Hiscock, of the Ann Arbor Savings Bank, as he passed in a 1,000 dollar check on Elizabeth, N. Y. " O, certainly - just as soon as we get returns," replied Hiscock. There were no returns. The check wbs a forgery, and Hiscock pulls down his left eye and asks if anyone sees anything green. To be perfectly contented with present conditions is a sure sign of death and decay, both in an individual and in a community. - Dexter News. That, John, depends wholly on circumstances. Come, let us reason together. Suppose you were young again, and sat once more with your arm around her - her warm cheek pillowed against your throbbing Waterbury - in the fire-light's fitful flicker; would you pretend that present contentment presaged death or dry rot, and flounce out of your chair; or would you continue to gaze at the fire and let her flicker? Honest, John! i A thief with very little principie recently broke into the house of Rev. F. E. Morehouse, of Waterloo, and stole $13. As a consequence of this wretched business, the eider! fears another donation, which, tak-j ing into account his wife's succeed-i ing illness from overwork, wages j and smashage by hired girl, greasing of carpets, spilling of coffee into the piano, etc, will entail upon him aj still further net loss. Let us hope the thief's future punishment will be very horrible! Postmaster Robinson, of Milan, has resigned, the act to take effect July i. It was not because Mr. Robinson did not love to be postmaster, for he did. His stomach had adjusted itself to the assimilation of Columbian stamp gum and his pocket to the salary. But, animated by that noble impulse, 'To the victors belong the spoils," he "fired" his resign in the teeth of the administration. A man named Gorman wrote to him that he wanted him to do so, or he would never have done it in the world. Bard Johnstone- the same is he that was to come, as prophesied of by the newspapers - - complains through the Ann Arbor Argus of a recent attempt by a hired agent of the Press to assassinate him. Failed! The death of the assassin shall be more horrible than that of Johnstone. Concerning the affair the poet makes the following statement: "I was walking by the murmuring Huron, at peace with all mankind (save that living witness of one of the mysterious freaks of nature, that irrepressible, indescribable, zoological, spectral, Adrianatic monstrosity, whose genealogy may be traced from a gorilla to the devil.) A charge of shot tore away seven ounces of meat. " Tore away seven ounces! Good! ! - but not good enough. We shall hire an agent with a deadlier aim. It must be conceded, however, that I Johnstone writes an admirable selfdescription. He was walking, he says, "at peace with all mankind, save that living witness of one of the mysterious freaks of nature." Then he describes the "freak." As the "witness" was the assailant, the identity of the "freak" is in no doubt. Let the reader review the poet's deposition. He will enjoy it.