Dr. Chas. Gatchell, University lomeop. prof., has resigned. Cause: Couldn't swallow the "big pills." The cyclonized Ypsilanti theater will not be rebuilt. Uncle Tom's Cabin tent shows will be the dramatic reliance this winter. The Babcock hotel, at Milan, is gaping for a landlord, the late host laving engaged in the more j able pursuits of a barber. James Brown is the plain name of a Milan lad, who, through talent and perseverance, has reached the j upper walks of life. Tightrope. Ann Arbor swine are having another difficulty with the 'authorities, claiming as much right to "play the ïog" as the smelling committee. Suits will follow. The financial editor of the Ann rbor Courier has discovered that 'the pumpkin which has heretofore Deen a strong greenbacker, quietly changes and comes out for gold." Godfried Sauer, of Bridgewater, vho shot himself because the girl didn't love him, has recovered and disappeared. The poorfellow wasted considerable gore on the desert air. George Sweitzer, of Saline, said o Christian Braun, "You stole a ig trough from my father'," whereupon Braun bristled up, started a $10,000 slander suit, and will try to make Sweitzer sweat, sir. To show hira the difference between illegal and legalized robbery, an Ann Arbor thief, last week, 'nipped" hack driver Ó'Neill's gold watch. O'Neill saw that the difference was in "lime." - te " " ■ , . Desperate robbers mistakenly held up Prof. Asaph Hall, jr., of the University observatory, last week. All that they got was a bi-section of a parallelogram and an astronomical calculation, in cipher. Tramps near Saline, not content with stealing the stylish horse owned by Charles Roberts, stole also his watch dog. His faith in the shortlipped bull-setter is not very dogmatic at present. The internal economy of the Ann Arbor Register is disturbed by an overflow of the gall, - whose gall will not be determined till the injunction case is decided. The stockholders have each other by the hair. There is a smell in Grass Lake, which the News declares "comes from no Thanksgiving dinner," and urges an investigation by the health board. It is possible that the twoheaded bullfrog under the bridge has succumbed to "heart failure." At the recent convention of the American bar association, Judge T. M'. Cooley, of Ann Arbor, was elected president for the ensuing year. It becomes more and more apparent to the wide world that the lower chunk of Michigan cuts quite a figure in human affairs. Workmen trenching for water mains at Ypsilanti, recently, brought up five aboriginal skeletons. They were posturing in a sitting position, which is accounted for on the theory that they had partialfy risen in 1890, mistaking Capt. Allen's speech on the wool tariff for a blast from Gabriel. The Dexter Leader has taken a balloon ascensión and parachute drop, coming down at Wayne. The home circulation has fallen into the list of that excellent local paper, the Dexter News. The patrons of the defunct journal will find in Bro. Thompson a gentleman, a scholar, and a man who knows how to construct a readable newspaper, and as long as he is at the helm there will be no room for a rival. The world is beginning to learn that it can't always tread upon the editor; that eternal destiny has not decreed him a subject to be kicked at will by those whose sins he has exposed. And let those who come in and expectórate on his stove, while they ask him for a free puff, and stop their paper if they don't get it, beware ! The worm has turned. M. T. Woodruff, editor of the Ypsilanti Sentinel, one of the brainiest of our exchanges, has just been chosen captain of Company G, of Ypsilanti. Now let the heathen rage! The next man who comes in to have a row with him on account of "that piece he writ in his paper" will be cloven in twain like a friedcake, by the captain's trusty sword. The Press congratulates Captain Woodruff.