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Adrian Press Washtenawisms

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lhree Ypsilanti youths were recently convicted of the crime of picking up an education and heavily tined. They stole school books. John Wilson, colored, of Ypsilanti, is in trouble for trying to secure a ring to sort with his cqjnplexion, having stole an opal, a diamond and a moonstone ring. When the main belt in the Whittaker saw mili broke, the other day, I every man remembered the sins he had committed and fled - all save one, righteous, who turned and shut oit the steam. A line of ten milk wagons plies between Pittsfield and Ann Arbor It is sometimes spoken of as "the chalk-line." The Castalian board has offered a reward of $10 for the return of the grind box, which was stolen Wednesday night. - Register University Notes. Then give one an idea what this grind box was for - science or sausages? Ex-alderman Spokes, of Ann Arbor, now the waterworks engineer, obtained a free shave and hair cut, last week, by the explosión of some kerosene placed in one of the boilers to clean it. This proves the risltiness of ever trusting a man who has been an alderman, - but he's just as dangerous to himself as to others. On an estimated cost of $16,000, four capitalists at Vpsilanti have entered into a horrid conspiracy to spring another new opera house on a long suffering public. The plancontemplates a location next to the Occidental, with a direct entrance from that hotel. If this new opera house proves like its predecessors, the connection between it and the Occidental should be by balloon elevator, from the skylight of the hostelry. Ann Arbor has an editor who triumphantly announces that he has made but two misstaternents during his journalistic career. - Chicago Newspaper Union. One of them was undoubtedly the above announcement, if, indeed, it was not both of them. It has been suggested that a i tem of ferry boats to carry passengers froni one side of the street to the other, at the intersection of Main and Middle streets would be a j ing institution. - Chelsea Standard. Respectfully referred to the cömmittee on River and Harbor appropriations. James Burton, a slater, last week shot off the roof of the new gymnasium at Ypsilanti and received no more damage than a compound fracture of the ankle. This proves correct the theory that the more horizontal the flight, the less violent the contention between the man and the earth. Susan B. Anthony will lecture before the Students' Lecture Association at U. of M. hall on Saturday evening, Jan. 13. This will be a good opportunity for our citizens to hear the great champion of "wonii an's rights."- Milan Leader. And also to behold in the ancient Susan an example of omnipotent forbearance in . preserving the old girl f rom the ravages of temptation and time, fresh as a daisy, from the days of Calikrates to the closing of the i9th century. The Hawaüan message of President Cleveland as published in the Adrián Press is about right, fully one-third of it upside down. The Press is a niaster of keen and biting sarcasm. No sarcasm ineant, about this Hawaüan affair. Fact is, you see, Harrison, Stevens, Speckles & Co., in their attempted petty larceny of Sandwiches had turned everything upside down, so that the president was obliged to stand on his head part of the time, to get a clear view of the situation. The digging of the sewer emptieil i number of wells in the third ward. As the sewer was renlled the water came back in the wells. - Ana Arbur Argus. Thus is furnished testimony that will stand cross-examination, relative to the percolation of surface poisons. A break in the sewer pipe woulcl fill those wells with millions of microscopio monsters, marshaled ágainst human life, whose wriggling bodies and ugly shapes suggest the demons with which Dante has peopled the Inferno. Go forth at'ter sunset of a summer's day, when the mists of evening are ascending, and gaze into the sewer soaked well ! You shall behold there, the skeleton orchestra of death, with grinning jaws and sightless sockets, fiddling to the phantorns in a ghost dance. You shall see grim Typhus lead out Scarletina for his partner; Tuberculosis hand in hand with Diphtheria; and Miasma, with her skirts of foxfire, whirling in the mazy thröng with Ague's shivering shade; and note with what rhythm.-obedient to the voice of the skeleton caller, they bow, salute, and "all join hands and circle to the left," till, frightened from his perch by the curb, the slimy frog fetches a straddle, and with a gutteral croak glugs to the bottom and breaks up the party; then, turning from the scène, you may perhaps hear in the distance the grindstone voice of Old Wayback, proclaiming that "the professors are gittin' too gol-dumbed smart ahumbuggin' the world with their blamed Igerm theory!"


Ann Arbor Argus
Old News