His Best Haul

A merchant tailor in the city of Buffalo many years ago, having accumulated a competency at his trade, determined to throw aside his shears and spend the remainder of his life upon a farm.

He purchased several hundred acres of land in Tonawanda, and there was a fishing ground on the estate.

Mr. C, the ex-merchant, was delighted with his new occupation, and he devoted his best efforts with untiring zeal to farming and fishing. Being hard of hearing, be often made ludicrous blunders, which excited the mirthfulness of his friends and customers.

His graceful and beautiful daughter was at boarding school near New York city at the time her father purchased the farm. She had a lover and promised to marry him, providing he could obtain the consent of her parent to the matrimonial alliance.

The young man traveled west as fat as the iron horse would take him in that direction. On the morning after his arrival he was strolling along the banks of the creek that sweeps through the village of Tonawanda, when he met a plain old gentleman, dressed in homespun, and inquired of him "if the cars had commenced running to the falls yet." 

"Principally pike and mullet," said he. 

"You misunderstand me," continued the young man. "I merely wish to know if the cars have commenced their trips to the falls of Niagara, and what the fare is."

"From 3 to 4 cents a pound." 

"Do you intend to insult me?"

"l will let yon have a large quantity for 2 cents."

"I have a good mind to give you a caning for your impertinence."

"Well, if you do not choose to give it I know who will."

"I should like to know if there are any more such fools as you are in the town of Tonawanda.''

 "We shall make another haul in the morning before daylight."

At this instant another citizen made his appearance, and the stranger stated his grievance to him. He said:

"I have been asking this old man a few civil questions, and he has given me the most impertinent answers."

"Oh, he is deaf!" exclaimed the third party. "He is deaf as a post, hut he is a very fine old gentleman - one of the beet men in town - one of the most influential and respectable men in the country, indeed. He deals in fish somewhat, and so do I. It is possible he may think that I am endeavoring to undersell him; will you therefore do me the favor to write down your question on a scrap of paper, and save me from suspicion, and satisfy yourself in regard to the old gentleman's politeness?"

The young man commenced writing, when the old farmer fisherman interrupted him with the remark:

"I will not take a note of hand. Cash on the nail, or no trade."

"He is preparing a note," said the last comer.

"Call me a brute, do you," exclaimed Mr. C, "then take that," and suiting the action to the word, he dealt him a blow straight from the shoulder, which prostrated him "flat as a flounder."

By this time the note was finished and the old gentleman discovered his mistake - and about this time the young stranger made the discovery that he had been picking a quarrel with his prospective father-in-law.

Mr. C. made an apology and invited both parties to go over to his house and dine. The front door commanded a view of a meadow in which a cow was feeding and while Mr. C. was looking in that direction the youthful lover, whose heart was overflowing with emotion, commenced the task he came such a long distance to perform.

"I am acquainted with yonr danghter, " said he in a loud tone. "Sbe is a finí' beast," remarked the old gentleman, looking at the covv. "Your daughter 1" screamed the young man. "I hve the honor to be well ac quainted with her.'' ■'She is a noble animal," was the quiet response. "I was speakingaboutyouramiableand accomplished daughter!" "She is very kind - indeed, never breaks' down the fences - never kicks over the pails - never strays away like the other brutes 1 have." " You don't understand me, sir! Iwr.s speaking of your daugbter at boarding school!" "Xo, I never put a board on her face; she never does any mischief at all." "Your daughter!" shouted the young man, frantie with exeitement. "Did you say I ought to?" "No, sir! I was speaking of yonr daughter, the young lady away from home!" "Oh, yes - I have plenty of room, but I think she is too old to keep ruuch longer. To teil you the truth, I have made tip my mind to shut her up in the stableand feed her on chop stuff a few weeks." "Great heavens!" remarked the young man to himself. "What shall I do? This deafness will be the death of me! I will try once more, and if this efltort fails I will resort to pencil and paper again." "I shouhl like to say a word or two to you respecting your daughter!" "I sball let the butcher have her by and by - if he will give me my price, " said the old man with emphasis. As a last resort the young man nsed his pencil and paper - showed his letters of introduction. After a little cross questioning and a little hesitation, the old j man gave bis consent, and when the pai-ties were married he declared it was the best haul he had made in all bis life.-