Adrian Press Washtenawisms

Church Austin, of Milán, gets an original pension. Let no one say that Iloke Siuitli cares notliing for a chinch. A sixteen-pound boy arrived at llarry Mooney's home Wednesdayi -Northville Record. We caanot believe tliat the boy honestly weigiied ihat. Somebody has tilled him up with shot. 4 II The nevv Deinzer funiiture frusto ry at Monroe, at night of the expiring year, announced tbat it was ready for business, by blowing its whistle an liour. The sleeping city sfowly vvoke up, yawned and went out door to see what was the matter. The concern started with a pay roll of 40. The soulof heavy tragedy is at woik in Dexter trying to organize a democratie club and one will be formed there, or the hand of tlie mover will be "thicker tlian itself, with brother's blood." 4 On Christuias day the newspaper men of tliis city, with tbeic wives, together with several other invited guests, sat down to one of the most sumptuous meáis that has been given in tliis city. - Ann Arbor Courier. What a jolly surprise to the stomachs of most of them. Frank J. Hammond, postmaster at Whittaker, received a gold watch lor a öliristmas present. A man wbo hold as many oflices as F. J. miist needs be on time.- Ann Arbor Argus. If it is an ordinary Waterberry, Hammoiul will lose ten minutes a day winding it. A ministrel entertainment was held at Ypsilanti for the benefit oí the starvnig miners. The equipage was gorgeous, the diamonds on the interlocutor's shirt front, worth $80,000, the receipts $50 and the expenses $49. Net relief for starving miners, $1. There is no satisfactien like that of doing good to our fellow mortals, except in beating a railroad conductor out of a tare. Gottlieb Kujatli, an lionest Germán near Ann Arbor, met some tratups to whom he imparted the iniormatioit that he was on lus way to buy a cow. They set upon him with stones and clubs, and robbed him of $34, and he bought no cow. Moral: - When you go to buy a cow, go quietly and don't blow about it to strangers, or you may make a "buil"' of it Congress has finally taken the advice of the News, and a bilí is to be prepared levying a tax of two per cent. on all ineomes over $4,000. Let the money men of the nation pay the taxes. - Grass Lake News. And just to think that a town that has a newspaper that wields such an iniluence in national legislation,should have no constitutional lire engine. An Ypsilanti businessman is said to have invested $4,000 in an undivided interest in a saw-íiling machine, a stranger holding the interest not purchased by the Ypsilantian. The latter would now be willing to assign his $4,000 of stock to anybody wlio could teil him what has becoine of his partner. How sharper than a buzz-saw's tooth it is tó have a iaithless pard. Dr. C. M. Cobern is recogni.ed an authority on Egyptology botli in this country and abro ad. - Ann Arbor Courier. We are truly glad to have this information. The agnostics teil us that in the times of the Pharaohs the women wore theater hats, higher, larger and more generally outrageous thau those of the present day. We believe it's a lie. What does the learned doctor know of itï # During the Hand minder trial in Washtenaw, last week, Attorney Kearney said that a certain witness didrft know all about the murder. Attorney Whittnan retorted that the witness probabfy knew as much about it as the prosecution; and Kearney answered that the witness didn't know as much 'about it as the attorney for the defense. Whitman said that was most "damnable and false." Sawyer asked which it was, "damnable or false?", and the court ruled that the attorneys on both sides would be in jail without a fine ii' (hey didn't make the proper "amende". The "aniende propaire" was made and the llopping of the wings of peace sounded like the drummingof a partridge on a bollow log. The sympathetic editor of the Ypsilanti Sentinel absorbs the moistur.e from his tear-ducts with the corners of his coat-tail and voices his distress for Alma, where he says W. W. Secord, formerly of the Ypsilanti Yeoman, threatens to start a paper.