Adrian Press Washtenawisms

The Ann Arbor Register will "warrant that Oliver Martin the undertaker has not buried a child in six months." What is his object in keeping the stock on hand? Tne VVashtenaw county doctors held a convention last week; and while they talked of squills and anti-billious pil Is, several patients, it is rumored, took advantage of their absence and got well. What seems to be the matter of the Harrison club we heard so much about last year? - Chelsea Standard. Does it look flushed in the cheeks and white around mouth? 'Sworms. Give it castor oil. A junior law student of the U. of M. has been arrested for stealing and selling a pair of pantaloons belonging to Prof. VVinkler. Luckily the professor was sleeping in his shirt, so that the student failed to get that. Prof. Trueblood's class in Shakespearean reading has taken up the study of Romeo and Juliet. - Washtenaw Times U. of M. Notes. Th en we may expect anoth'er cyclonic epidemie of gable window elopements. Sylvan Center farmers will pray the almighty congress to save the protection clause in the wool scheduie. They say they can 't afford to take a cent less for their wool than the 50 cents per pound enacted by Capt. Allen. Gymnastic exercises have been introduced into the Ypsilanti high school, quite recently, and some of the students have made such progress in arm practice that they confidently expect to whip the principal before spring. Will some one teil us where the ímpetus, the business, the confïdence, the gold and the finances are? - Ann Arbor Register. Look here, Selby - come one side. Honestly, nojw, aren't you planning a wholesale burglary? A Ypsilanti lady was walking the other evening with a package of meat under one arm and a loaf of bread under the other. A thief grabbed the meat and the lady promptly fired the loaf of bread at his head, knocking off his hat. "How many wives are being poisoned to sickness and death by the tobacco-using husband, God only knows," exclaims a writer in the Dexter Leader. VVhy, how many wives has the filthy old lopperchopped, bosom frescoed, goatscented varmint, anyway? Smith, of the Milan Leader, says of a collision between two school boys who were playing "pull-away" : "They carne together with such forcé as to cause the stars to come out aud twinkle and the sun to stand still, while the earth almost lost its balance and feil off its axis." Mr. Smith is no summer corpse in the newspaper business. The Grass Lake News, referring to Moran of the Register, observes i that "he seems to be one of the sort who won't be sandbagged, sat down on nor kicked out. " This is slightly erroneous. He has been sandbagged, sat down on and kicked, ' but with the gall of a sturgeon and the rind of a pachyderm he is there yet, eniptying out phials of wrath ; against the democratie party. Everett Davenport, a York, Washtenaw man, having captured a fox, invited the whole town and its dogs to a fox chase. About ioo men and 87 dogs of all sizes and grades and varying degrees of respectability from a 5 cent squeaking rat-terrior to a lop-eared hound, responded and gathered at Davenport's house. The fox was led out in sight of the dogs and let go, several shots being fïred to put spirit in its legs. In thirty minutes at a signal, the dogs of war were let slip, and away went the bowling pack. The speed of several of the dogs, it is said, caused their tails to pull out by the roots and these were grabbed by other (iogs and fought over lijrtdër the snpl position that they were the tox. Late in the day poor Reynard was killed, having afforded the Vorkers a great day's sport. The Register notes that the A uu Arbor Organ Co., lias an order for twentv-four organs from London, Rngland. Let the Ann Arbor Organ Company teil the howiing Tiritish free trader to go to; that it will none uf him; that if old John Huil wants any music, let him take anothrr reef in his bowel-girth and go fiddle on a corn stalk. What this country wants is vprotection - not trade. Owing to matchless eastern conuections Saliners can get to Detroit by rail,' a distance of 40 miles, only half an hoursooner than is required tu reach Chicago. Persons departing for,. Detroit make their wills, and sol) a long fareweU, on the bosoms of their families. What they claim to be the most heart-breaking accompaniment of all this sad scourge of revolted fortune, is the fact that they will have to spend four hours in Vpsilanti before getting to Detroit. The Ann Arbor Argus observes that Evangelist Wills has reduced the sinners of Adrián to "desperate straits," and mentions the editor of this paper as having "taken to the woods." The statement is true,but misleading. He did go out to the woods; but wherefore? - wherefore, but to stand in the gap and liead off the hegira of sinners who were taking to the tall timber? We do not utter this boastingly, but under compulsión, to wipe away a most unjust impeachment. A libel suit will follovv. One hundred domestic servants are killed annually in England in the proces8 of window cleaning. An invention recently patented ia a window of which the outside may be cleaned wífhout exposing the cleaner to any chance of a frumble. The grip bacilhis, which has been ultivated and photographed time and gain, has the appearance of being a ne thread strnng with iranierons miute beads. In Paris the theater will check the ricycles as it will a coat, and the barooin has pumps and repair outfits, as ur own has lunch counters and stoi-k ickers.