Adrian Press Washtenawisms

Coasting is now an enjoyable sport at Ann Arbor. Already one person has had an arm broken. It has come to this, that Chelsea must ëither plant a new orchard of hitching posts, or the farmers will go elsewhere to trade. Miss Bertha Smithe is reported the queen calisthenic of the Ypsi lanti high school; but the hight of the nail from which she can dislodge a hat with one of her pedáis is not enumerated. William Geer, of Superior, Washtenaw, last week anchored a frisky horse to his thumb. The horse winked to a passer by, then pretended to get scared, yanked desperately, tearing the thumb out "by the roots." The Bible chairs of the University have received a gift of $5,000 from a lady who will not permit the disclosure of her identity. She ought not to feel so about it. Really she has done nothing to be ashamed of. It is proposed to take hold of the Toledo & Ann Arbor railroad, each side of the town of Emery, and snap the kink out of it. This would leave Emery high and dry, a mile from the road. If it is done the Emery sparks will fly. A panic struck Milán with the force of a cyclone the other night, when the night-watchman threw up his commission. The defenceless merchants hastily got together and elected a successor, who now strides the streets looking as responsible as Atlas with the world on his shouPders. K The editor of the Ypsilanti Commercial, last week had the stern hardihood to undertake to split a load of subscription sycamore and now confesses full belief in the Fress narative of a Deerfield man who melted his axe undertaking the same thing. This restores our confidence in us. We supposed we had lied. The man who comes home from fishing and says he did not catch any can generally be believed, but the one who has a basket f uil - Dexter Leader. VVell, why this abrupt pause in the middle of a sentence? A "practice court" is running in. the law department of the University. None üf the students have yet proceeded so far as to teil the judge that he, the jury, and the lawyers on the other side ought to be in jail; but it must be remembered that they are only students, yet. In digging open a drain at Azalia, last week, twenty rods of tile were found solidly filled with creamery butter. "How came it there?" did you ask? Well, when the creamery burned, this butter melted and run into the drain, where after cooling it becarae' tightly packed in the tile i cracks. A Stockbridge farmer unwittingly assisted a couple of thieves to load jone of his hogs into .their wagon the other night. He is talking of having himself arrestedas one of the thieves and expects to be able to prove that he was caught one night stealing his own oats from his own I horses. The King of Corea, to whose court, Prof. Sill has been assigned by President Cleveland, as minister plenipotentiary from Ypsilanti, is named Li-hi. The wrong man has been commissioned. Harrison's Sandwich Island Minister Stevens, should have been sent to King Li-hi. He can lie higher, even, than Corea's emperor. The world, until recently, knew little of Corea, and Corea itself knew nothing of the outside world, except the taste of a tender boiled missionary. Now it has a royal college, a hospital and adispensary, and all its capital needs to resemble the Athens of Michigan, is a football team and a wrangle about sewers. The Press having suggested that the $25,000 organ, sought tobepurchased by the state university,would be the only thing that could outwind the faculty, the Ann Arbor Courier asserts with some emphasis: "The thought is wrong. Just come over some time and prove it." We cry you mercy, for having temporarily overlooked the Courier. Milán has a nine-year-old stabber, named George Johnson. He got into a quarrel the other day with another nine-year-old, over a }ile of rotten oranges a dealer had ;ossed out, and aiming his jackknife et the other kid have it in the hip, making a bad wound. Withalittle more practice, young Johnson will De able to "carve 'im to de heart." Prof .Webster told the high school scholars last Friday that pupils who mark on their desks, draw pictures of their minds. This being so, the minds of persons who never mark on desks are blank. - Chelsea Standard School Thoughts. The professor read this stunning retort and went to bed with a horseradish poultice on his temples. M. B M Jft An Ann Arbor citizen bought a 400-pound hog and stored it in his woodshed. When sbme of it was cooked, the purchaser sampled it and said the hog died too long ago. When the farmer was asked to take it back, he said he was a seller, not a buyer. The citizen sued and got judgment, and pending appeal the hog still kept his room in the shed. The board of health viewed the body, and ordered it removed. The purchaser thought that with warmer weather the hog would get strong enough to walk out. Thus stood the case at last news.