What's Your Name, Please ?

healthy. It is not the flabby growth of green childhood, nor the diseased growth of dropsy-just a natural,healthy, happy, rosy-cheeked growth. The census just finished shows the population of Ann Arbor to be 11,159, an increase of 1,722 since the census of 1890. It has been a pleasant fancy of many citizens that the returns would show not less than 12,000, but in strict regard for truth, it was necessary to murder 841 people in cold blood, and this was done. The undertakers, however, never made a cent out of it. The dead buried their dead-an idea of reciprocity as old as Scripture, though James G. Blaine claimed the priority of discovery. The 12,000 mark, however, would have been fully attained but for the failure of the First and Fifth wards to better their records. The population by wards is as follows: First, 2,515; Second, 2,129; Third, 1,929; Fourth, 1,905; Fifth, 737; Sixth, 1,938. The same wards in 1890 inventoried thus: First, 2,462; Second, 1,676; Third, 1,503; Fourth, 1,619; Fifth, 719; Sixth, 1,452. Michigan has a few larger cities than Ann Arbor, but none prettier be found except by those who in this world shall have so lived as to entitle them to a residence in the mid-air city "not made with hands,: with its golden streets and almost total absence of Chicago, Adrian and Ypsilanti population. | Not in the Field. Dr. A. W. Smith, of Adrian, on his way from Lansing to Adrian, was a caller at the Argus office, Saturday, and passively submitted to a search for the discovery of his congressional boom. It was not in his pockets, but may have been packed in his grip at the Cook house. Dr. Smith's name has been freely used in Monroe and Lenawee counties as that of an available republican candidate. He announces that he is not in the field and the Argus takes him at his word. The doctor was formerly secretary of the republican state central committee, has been four years Register of Deeds of Lenawee county and is now a member of the Republican State Central Committee. But he is not a candidate for congress and asserts that the use of his name in that the use of his name in that connection is pure atmospheric pressure. The doctor is a gentlemen of elegant presence and ministerial bearing and is often mistaken for a clergyman. A good story was related of him some time ago by the Chicago News. Being in Chicago one day the doctor stepped into a hat store to make a purchase and having selected a shining galgatha, asked the price. "Seven dollars," answered the clerk. The doctor placed his hand on the clerk's shoulder and observed solemnly, "My friends, that's a little high." "You are a clergyman, are you not?" asked the clerk. The doctor nodded ministerially. "Then I can let you have it for six dollars." The doctor hesitated. "It is rather shiny for my plain people." "O, no; just the thing," chirped the clerk. "Well," resumed the doctor, as he "tawed" over the cash, "I'll take it, and if my congregation don't like it they can go to _____." | What's Your Name, Please? A couple from somewhere about the Ypsilanti country dropped in at the county clerk's office last week, in pursuit of a marriage license. A friends steered the parties in, and after the gentleman who was to become the head of the house had taken a seat in the inquisitorial chair, the young lady and friend withdrew. "Your name, please," was the musical inquiry of the agreeable lady deputy. It was given, together with such other personal information is as usual in the way of fulfilling the law. "What is the lady's name?" "Miss-why Miss-" A wild, confused look overspread the face of the expectant groom and he cast his eyes toward the overhead wall as if to wrest from the upper spheres the fairy name that is so strangely eluded him. He wrestled mightily with the problem and got red in the face. No use. Suddenly he rushed to the door. The bride to-be was not out of sight. She was retreating but was yet, as the mountaineer southerners say, "within a whoop and a holler" of the court house, and by a series of "whoops," "hollers" and gesticulations her affianced succeeded in attracting her attention and inducing her to "bout face." "What is your first name, dear?" Her first name fell with a pleasant listp from her lips and was eagerly caught up and borne to the deputy in waiting, by the young man, whose face lighted up with the triumph of a graduate on commencement day, and the license was soon made out. An Argus reporter who buttoned his ear over the clerk's door knob, gathered from the bride-candidate's remarks that she had once in a rash moment married an English lord but had deserted him instantly ,on ascertaining his real character. The English lord being now dead, she felt at liberty to marry again. Trusting that the happy event has taken place, and that the groom has by this time learned his wife's front name, the Argus can do no less than exclaim "Bless you, my children!" | A Mean, Dirty Trick. The sympathy of this journal is hereby extended to Capt. E. P. Allen, of Ypsilanti, in a grievous and unexpected affliction that came upon him last Sunday. It is one that appeals not only to the sympathy but to the generosity of the ex-congressman's friends. As we gather them, the circumstances were as follows: Saturday afternoon Capt. Allen saw in the market some elegant late strawberries and immediately closed out the dealer at a high price and gave instruction at home for a grand Sunday closing of the shortcake season. Now Captain Allen, as all who know him will testify, is not only gifted with fog-horn eloquence which in the last campaign echoed from the hills of Andrescogin to the peak of Popocataptl, but also with liberal layers of fatty tissue about the midway plaisance; and as last Sunday was very fervid at about the dinner hour and the champion of the wool tariff felt his shirt collar going down under the humidity of perspiration, he removed his coat and vest and hung them in the hallway, let out the buckle at the back of his pantaloons a couple or three inches and clad in his suspenders, attacked the short-cake with a perish-mine-enemy air. While thus peacefully engaged, and without there having been any alarm at the door, a thief entered the hall and "swiped" the captain's vest, coat and gold watch. The "swiper" is not known, but A. J. Sawyer and Joe T. Jacobs are both under suspicion, and some say George Spalding, of Monroe, was seen lurking in the vicinage. Any person having an old coat and vest to spare can do an act of charity by forwarding the same immediately to Capt. Allen, provided they are not in the present condition of the republican party of Michigan--"ripped up the back." Addendum Korrectum: -Since the above was placed in type, news has been received that the captain has found his clothes, just where he put them himself. His mind had been affected by a complication of strawberry shortcake and congressional lipotoodo. Don't send him any clothes. The imputation upon the other congressional candidates is hereby withdrawn. | Civil Service Examination. The regular semi-annual examination for the grades of clerks and carrier in the city post-office will be held on Saturday, August 11, 1894, commencing at 9 o'clock a.m. Only citizens of the United States can be examined. The age limitations are as follows: For carrier, not under 21 nor over 40 ; for all other positions, not under 18 years. No application will be accepted for this examination unless filed with the undersigned in complete form, on the proper blank, before the hour of closing business on July 23, 1894. The Civil Service Commission take this opportunity of stating that the examinations are open to all reputable citizens who may desire to enter the postal service, without regard to their political affiliations. All such citizens, whether democrats or republicans, or neither, are invited to apply. They shall be examined, graded and certified with entire impartiality, and wholly without regard to their political views, or to any consideration save their efficiency, as shown by the grades they obtain in the examination relative to the duties and salaries of the different positions, apply at the post-office to ED. I. TAYLOR, Secretary, Board of Examiners.