Roundabouts

In four years Monroe county has gained 876 in population. Total, 33,213. Monroe City, 5,614. So far this season the swamps about Fowlerville inventory about one rattlesnake for each quart of huckleberries. Pressed beef containing some property inimical to digestión of the African stomach, came near using up two Jackson colored families last week. Sturgis wants Contractor Stephens to punch around the bottom of the wells for mineral water. Sturgis has the kite-shaped track; let that suffice. O, the snakes, yarns and huckleberries that are harvested near Norvell! Fifty bushels were recently taken from the mársh of S. B. ;r, in a day. During the hot days of last week ix applications for divorce were ïled in the Macomb county circuit ;ourt. Listen to the moanings of ;he tied, at Mt. Clemens. The Ann Arbor Argus man calis the Milan doctors "mound builders." That means blood! Such an indignity can't be arbitrated. - Grass Lake News. No, it is a dead issue. Robert McCook, a Clinton boy, feil out of a cherry tree last week and was gathered up a heap of broken bones, one of which protruded through the flesh, cutting a long gash. An unexpected andtimely pieceof good fortune has come to Dearborn. A gospel tent has been pitched there, and there are signs that some of the inhabitants may yet embrace the Christian religión. John Weihr, of Richmond, Macomb county, aged 61 years, shot thot through a hay chute, the other day, and broke three ribs; and yet his constitution is such that he actually thinks of recovering. An east bound passenger train near Fowlerville, last week, muttoned a fine flock of McKinley protected sheep. Still tariffites try to pull the wool over people's eyes abóut protection protecting. A Jackson horse which feil sick last week, was explored by a inary surgeon who found in him, a package of shingle nails and some corset steels. Efforts are being made to compel him to throw up the woman. After some thought on the subject, the Plymouth Mail has arrived at the conclusión that "If the human race should receive the attention and patronage that the horse race does, how much misery and poverty might be avoided." Some brutal boys in the Second ward saturated a dog with kerosene a few days ago, and then set the fluid on fire. The poor brute was fearfully burned, and Marshal Krapf proposes to bring the perpetrators to punishment. - Adrián Times. Oh, if some brave fellow would only start the custom of wearing just a gauze undershirt and possibly a handkerchief around the neck these days! - Hillsdale Democrat. Why wear both around the neck? Seems as though the brother was extreme. The oíd arsenal at Dearborn has been formally surrendered to that village by the United States and will be turned into a town hall. It now remains to some philanthropist to achieve an immortal name by rising up and donating a town clock. The Plymouth Mail "whoops it up" for Gen. George Spaulding for second district congressman. So the general is establishing a liter. ary syndicate! Well, well! Spaulding has at last started in to show that the joints in his verterbrae are not concave at both ends. YoungTom Magin, of Palmyra, was on his way home the other night when highwaymen asked him what he had to give up. "Not a thing!" said Torn. Torn lost his shirt and one pantaloons leg in the excitement that followed, but saved his cash. His pulse is still high. The hay erop of Michigan has been greater, some seasons, than it is this season, but the mowing machine has never harvested a larger assortment of legs and arms. Deerfield, Lenawee county, offers a late instance, in which a boy of n loses a leg at the shank. Last season, even that scholastic farmer, Gov. Luce, had the tips of his fingers sliced by a mower. This season he will try to mow the legs off Gov. Rich; and it looks like he'll do it. The Clinton cornet band resents i rumor that it has been engaged to ' Dlay Sundays at Wampler's lake ind its members jointly depose and ;ay in the Clinton Local: "When ve get so hard up as to have to play Sundays, we will go into an uncivilized country." This shows that Clinton is civilized. A horse near Dearborn last week so lacerated itself on a barbed wire fence, that it bied to death while its owner was looking for the horse doctor. Such and similar tragedies are frequent; and still we are ready to whip anybody who says there is the slightest rudiment of barbarism left in the country. God in His wise providence undoubtedly made fools for some purpose, - perhaps to prevent the spread of Malthusianism, by keeping the population of the earth below an excess figure. At Colon the other day a hunter met a friend; in play pointed a shotgun at him and blew out both his eyes. Drummers are usually decent fellows, but a drummer who wasn't visited a Pentecost, Lenawee county, store, the other day, and finding the young lady clerk alone, became so fresh that the girl ran for help. The fellow grapped his samples and by hurrying escaped a pentecostal outpouring of breakable eggs. When we came to Grass Lake, almost seven years ago, our population numbered only 648, while the census of last month shows that these figures have increased to 667. This should cover the belittlers of the press with confusión. - Grass Lake News. So it should. Editor Carlton has stirred himself since settling at Grass Pond. A party of Hudsonians on their way to Jackson, a few evenings ago had the hardest kind of work to convince a posse of officers, in search for Somerset robbers that they were not the chaps. Most of them were merelv republican candidates for congress. But for Deputy-Sheriff ; Ü'Mealey,who knew the crowd,they i would have slept in jail that night. It has developed that John Ladd, formerly of Adrián, who committed suicide at Angola, Ind., had married a woman there, and she on learning that he had a wife in Adrián, left him, and wrote to him threatening to make trouble for him unless he righted the wrong done her. Ladd hung himself in a barn and this letter was found upon his person. - Hudson Gazette. At Belleville, last week, F. W. Haak "carne within an ace" of having his precious neck stretched, by accidentally getting it in a rope attached to a pile driver. People cannot be too careful to avoid such dangers. At Chicago, the other day, a gentleman named Phendergast, while giving a public performance with a rope, met with an accident that resulted in his death. A Fowlerville hog knocked over a can of red paint and wallowed in the puddle thus made. This circumstance has stimulated the "horrid brute" who edits the Fowlerville Observer to the following: "We can ■ readily see that 'piggy' has some human instincts, as he went at it just as some young ladies in this broad land have set the example, by daubing it on regardless of effect." Three tramps were recently cooksomething by the roadside at Holt. A citizen missed three ducks and got out the constabulary and searched for the marauders till near morning, but found them not. The ducks came home all right and it was learned that the tramps had bought a rump and borrowed a kettle to boil it in. The constables' bilis will be cut by the supervisors. The editor of Wayne Tidings having had his silk tile alluded at in a contumelious manner, by the brutal editor of the Northville Record, printed last week a cut of the hat. And it is really a good hat, - a commodious hat; a hat that ought to rent well for a baggage room. It would shelter more families than probably occupy it. Bro. Allen is no haycock-headed editor. His wits I are duly tiled. A bag floating in the river and containing a body, was discovered at Adrián last week, by Attorney T. L. O. Mealey. He notified the marihal, who sweat like an ax-helve in reaching the bag and getting it ishore. With bated breath and a knife, he cut the sack. The dead :at inside had a baited breath also, md both distinguished gentlemen igreed that they had struck a scentsation that was "a hummer." The Morenci Observer would like to see Nevada amalgamated with the new state of Utah, and thus svipe out the disgrace of a state with scarcely enough population to entitle it to a city goverment and having stil!, two United States Senators. The Observer is correct. The state should be abolished. About all there is left of it now consists of Senator Jones, the other fellow, a congressman and three electoral votes. These, with Jones' monumental gall, constitute the State of Nevada. The Tecumseh Ne.vs conscientiously admits its grave error in circulating the report that Peter Coryell went to Toledo to have a toe cut off, and adds that the toe was not cut off, but was actually 'made longer, by a local doctor, who cut the cord. Further, it wants it understood that when it comes to a job of toe surgery, Tecumseh don't back down for a university full of doctors. Mai. Seymour Howell, of Adrián, wants to hold the state treasury shotbag. Lenawee county republicans will push him for the place. Saying nothing of his infernally bad politics, Maj. Howell is all right. He is very popular in his own city and county and a general favorite with the state troops. But he is a republican. It is a sad sight to see so good a man infested with such mean politics. In Washtenaw a youth of 90 is scarcely old enough to court a girl. - Argus. The Washtenaw people must wait for second childhood for for their courting days. - Jackson Patriot. The Washtenaw people have no second childhood, except a class of ancient republican politicians who are driveling about protection and the home market being all this country needs. In 1861, Urban Gyde, of London, Ontario, enlisted in the U. S. army, and that was the last heard of him by his family till very recently, when a sister of Gyde heard of him at South Lyon, through inquiring of the adjutant general, at Lansing, and she journeyed thither. At the South Lyon postoffice she learned the residence of her brother, and gasped when told that hewas not only married, but the father of sixteen children. She found her brother and sat down a very happy aunt among her sixteen nephews and nieces. Jim Cadwell, of Grass Lake, stood on a load of wheat the other day, when a bundie was pitched up to him, and out of it and down across his arm, within an inch of his nose, slid a rattlesnake. The man who says that Jim failed to exercise such activities as his Maker gifted him with, is misinformed. There was a a race between Jim and the snake to reach the ground; but the "rattler" arrived first, and Jim, who was in the air, proceeded no further, but instantly jumped back. The varmint was killed and had ten rattles. - we are now speaking of the snake. There was fun in the barn of Julus Peer, near South Lyon, last week. Doe Lewis was just about to steer the hay fork into the load when the horse started and jerked a dozen somersaults out of him. He landed with a whack on the barn floor. To help him, Uncle John Peer, in the loft, sprang for the ladder, but missed it and shot through the trap door, 20 feet. One Scott, hearing the racket, rushed "where angels fear to tread" and also feil through the trap door, not knowing it was there. As nobody was much hurt, all became merry over the ridiculous incident, and even the horse laughed. ' It is announced that Hon. Julius C. Burrows will not be able to be present and address the Sunday ; school people next Wednesday. - '' Coldwater Republican. This dispensation is going to let the Sunday ' school business down badly in ' Coldwater. Oh, that the pious lius could have been there! He so loves the Sunday school. If there is anything in the world that Julius loves it is one thing more than another. But he could not be there, badly as it wrung his pious heart. He had to stay in Washington and play the "wet dog" on the tariff bill. But O, he did want to get to the Sunday school convention so bad! "Prof. Fink," of Tecumseh, is a new luminary in the forensic blue, and believes himself ordained to the cure of all social evils. Like Mohammed, he was of humble origin and wielded a shovel on the streets; but perceiving his mission, he dropped the tooi like a hot potato and took to the rostrum to save half the world from the ravages of the other half. The professor has delivered several lectures, in spite of all efförts to stop him. In his own town he was thrown off the stage and at Clinton an effort was made to kill lim with tobáceo smoke. It was a ïailure. Prof. Fink will suppress the social evil or crack his diaphragm trying. He is dated for Britton. "Wm. A. French is eligible to a nomination as a 'farmer candidate.' He has been at his home here for the past couple of week, wadinginto harves and farm work. Is about ready to tackle politics again." - Dundee Reporter. What! Bill! - Bill French? Bill A. French?- William French - the Honorable William A. French toiling in the harvest field! Noble Cincinnatus! He don't do that to get votes bscause the Honorable Bill hates demogogy and vain show and rather than engage in it he would sooner perish of sunstroke and be eaten by grasshoppers, like a dead snake. No sir, William is not doing this for vain show, or the farmer vote, and wouldn't have it get in the papers for the world.