Woes Of The Milkman

"Tne greatest trial of my life, ■ ' says a milkman, "is bottles. Yes, sir, bottles. If it wasn't for bottles, I'd want nothing better. Other people never think of bottles. I actually dream of bottles. It's bottles, bottles, bottles - who'8 got the bottles with me all the time ! "The most perfect system of bookkeeping ever invented will not account for bottles. When I send out 100 bottles of milk in the morning, I'm dead certain to lose track of half a dozen. I never look upon them bottles all again. Never again, sir! The milks are 8 cents and the bottles are 8 cents. But the peopel who wonld scorn to steal milk will keep the bottles. They think bottles don't cost nothing, or they don't think nothing at all. "Some time ago a lady was behind abont seven bottles and hadn't returned any for a week. I know some people get two or three days behind with their empties, but I couldn't account for all of these. While I was thinking about it and look over acrosa toward her flat I saw her inaid chuuk an empty out of the kitchen winder into the lot. And, don't you know, I went over there and found a whole pile of broken bottles and two or three whole ones. They áidn't know any better. Now, there was a lady in the other day, and I says, 'Ma'am, ' says I, Tve got yon charged with five bottles here. ' " 'What's that?' says she. 'I haven't got any of your old bottles. You don't suppose I'd steal milk bottles, do you? When I get to steal ing, I'll take something better'n old castoff milk bottles. I don't like your milk anyhow. It's more'n half water, and I'm going to change. ' "And she did change, and I lost a good customer by the mere mention of bottles. Some people keep their tea and things in the bottles. Youcan't go and search for them. You must take their word for it that they ain't got none. They are supposed to return their empties the next day, and they '11 keep them for a week. I'd have to have a carload of extra bottles to suit them. Some of them just slap on their empties when the dumbwaiter comes their way, and some other milkman goes off with them. They don't care. And then, when you cali up for their empties, they get mad as hops and swear they sent them down - which perhaps they did, but not to us. "And there's the servante that break bottles and swear they returned them a week ago, and their mistresses believe them. It's enough to drive a man to drink!"