Licked, b' gosh' Our Hill is a hollow. W...

Licked, b' gosh' Our Hill is a hollow. We've saved probate judge. Not this year. S'mother year. We move to make it unanimous. Bet 'em ten they can't do it again Talk about the Johnstown disaster! As to congressman, what was our bark worth? Morton's bar must have run all election day. We seem to be in the ratio of about 16 to i. "The sad autum winds - how they wail as they pass!" After all, gentlemen, the tariff is a tax and yu pay it. Won't somebody throw us a life preserver? Do, please! The democratie Schuh wouldn't fit. Good Schuh, too. Lenawee and Monroe democrats, "boast not of the Morrow." We have Grover Cleveland yet, - what are you talking about? Capt. Schuh's sky rockets must have killed a few democrats. For sale: A choice job lot of democratie campaign fireworks. We don't appear to have made a single "touch-down" in this county. Republicans win senator in this district. That's Watts the matter. The cause of the defeat of the democratie party was emotional insanity. Congressman Griffin's impaired hearing is greatly to his advantage, just now. In this case, gentlemen, we do not stand upon trines: the tail goes with the hide. Mr Fisher had his foot in a "frog" when Rich's special passed over the road. i Those dem prohibitionists will find out after awhile that they can't lick the democrats. True, in two years we shall lick them, but that does not cut any pie for this Thanksgiving. To the republicans: Gentlemen, take everything else but spare us our shirt and drawers. The renegade democracy will repent this deed in sack-cloth - if they can get the sack-cloth. As a result of the election, McKinley stock will go up and Reed stock down, in the republican party. The senatorial contest in this district shows how dearly the republicans do love the one armed veteran. Bro. Populist Peters, will you please lead us in prayer? Touch as lightly on "the winning combination," as possible. Mr. Donovan, of Bay county, represents the democracy, in the Michigan house. The Argus rises to nomínate him for speaker. Senator Hill can now turn his attention to a hair restorative. Many democrats did not go the polls. We are thankful for that .' The democracy should sue Gus Peters for breech of promise. Now watch the republicans climb into the trough with both fore feet. Most of our party is still below, searching for the body of McGinty. Sheriff Brenner should have had fewer democrats and more republicans in ja.il. To Doctor Gus Peters: The infant is dead; the mother is dead; and you haven 't even saved the old man! The populist assurance that the combine could elect Barkworth was a piece of pure, "unlimited coinage." If it is true that "whom the Lord loveth he chastiseth" the democracy has gone far into the grace of Omnipotence. It is understood that Donovan, of Bay county, has taken an oath not to drink with any other democrat in the next legislature. A few fiy-endorsed crackers and a sausage with a green end, is good enough for us, for Thanksgiving, after what's happened. The policy of protection which denied to the American farmer a free market, caused the hard times. Don't forget it, democrats. We do not trot out our democratie rooster in this issue, as we had hoped to do. He has liad a shock of laryngal paralysis. Since election we are more than convinced that explorers for the frozen pole make a mistake in searching so far north. The attempt of the democracy of this district to send up a congressman at the tail of the populist kite was not a howling success. ■ The laboring man will now get $3 a day, with no loss for rainy days. All farm products will go clear up, and the price of goods will be merely a trifle. Gentlemen, we don't mind being knocked down and rolled around in the mud; but but wont some half a dozen of yod please get off of our stomach ! There are fools and fools; but the most foolish fools are those democrats who voted with the republi:ans to reward them for the hard :imes they brought upon the coun:ry. But this we feel warranted in saying, that, tired of office-holding and its perplexities, the present county officials long to lay their burdens down and let the other fellows sweat a while. In their calmer senses the democrats will repent of the bloody assasination of their own candidates. Yet they claim to be "all, all honorable men, whose daggers have stabbed Caesar." Some cali it a "land-slide;" others "a dam-break" but to those of us who are up a tree, surveying the watery waste, it looks like another geological subsidence of the American continent. To reach the nearest fixed star one must travel 20,500,000,000 miles, and, if the velocity were equal to that of a cannon ball, it would require 5,000,000 years to travel that distance. Fellow democrats, it's a great undertaking,. but let us go! Arise, such of you as can get up. In this hour of darkness and glooni, when all democracy seems loosed from its moorings, and our candidates floating around on the wreckage, it is with inexpressible pride that we point to the democratie victory in Freedon, Washtenaw county. Glorious old Freedom, your flag is still there! Brethren, together let us unite in singing: 'Solemn the luneral i-Mine." Will the fellow who borrowed Mr. i Fisher's white horse please return him. It does not look now as though . the country were yearning for Hill as the next president. When we feil we had the presence of mind to pull the enemy down onco us with great violence. Some 'of them must have been severely I jounced. It is with no sraall pride that we point to the complexion of the lower house of the legislature, to which we have elected one democrat. All is not lost, by a dinged sight. That infected miscreant, the old man Toldyouso, is around with an extra large hunk of tobáceo in nis cheek, squirting right and left and airing his post-election wisdom. May worms devour his flesh before another election! The venal Detroit Tribune says: "The composition of the next state legislature will be: Republicans, 131; democrats, 1." It is not the subject matter of which we complain; but what beastly grammar to say, "democrats, 1 !" By the defeat of Chairman Wm. L. Wilson, of the ways and means committee, the country suffers great loss. He made a great fight for principie, but the tidal wave, combined with a ñood of republican money. swept him out of congress. W'heat will now be two dollars a bushei; corn a dollar and a half; times will be easy, money plenty, and cooked Thanksgiving geese will be flying around with gravy boats in their bilis, asking as a favor to be eaten. There are going to be deuced good times! Eh? The next house of representatives is republican by an immense majority - probably about one hundred and twenty-five - leaving to the opposition but ninety-seven members. Latest returns on the senate seem to indícate that it will be composed of forty-three republicans, thirty-eight democrats and seven populists. The condition of a bird deprived of its plumage is synonymous with that of a great many Democratie Jeaders. - Times. Alas, yes ! Said the newly arrived Irishman who shot at a woodcock but found only a frog: "Faith, an yez must have been a foine lookin' burrud afore I shot the fithers off o' yez !" The defeat of the democratie party is due in greatest measure to that element which always blames the party in power, if it doesn't rain enough; if it rains too much; if, on account of abundance of crops, prices are low; if there is a cyclone, or whirlwind; if the apples have worms; if there is small pox, yellow fever, or cholera morbus; if any of the family has whooping cough or the itch; if the dog has fleas. Then up rise the fellows who hold the ruling party responsible for the blunders of its predecessor and the acts of God and propose to ditch the party. These are the men who turned the switch Tuesday and let the democratie express off the track. It is yet too early to predict whether the democratie party in the next legislature will have a candidate for United States senator, or fuse with the republicans. The Argus, however, desires to urge upon our representative that he make no unholy combination with the enemy, but vote straight for the democratie caucus nominee, and if the republicans elect their candidate, upon their heads be the ïesponsibility. We trust that a word to Mr. Donovan is sufficient.