A Cure For Bores

"I am in tronble, " said Bremner to his iiiend Sommers, "and I want yon to help me out. " "Fínancial?" asked Sommers, with a Blight oontraoting of his eyebrows. "Oh, no. Worse than that a gooc deal." "I didn't kjiow anything could be worso in these panicky times. What ia it?" "I have afiieiid, " said Bremner, "or a man who thinks himself my friend, and whom for certain reaasons I wish to shake off, but he refuses tobe shaken. Now, you are a resourceful man and may be able to give me a hint. I have tried everything with Snaggs - everything short of positive insult - and all to no purpose," "What is the matter withhim?" asked Sommers. "The matter is this: He has a boy 7 years old or thereabouts, and he always persists in talking about the lad - in fact, he can't talk of anything else - and imagines every one as deeply iDterested as himself. I have nothing at all against the boy. He is a good enough, commonplace little fellow, like all the rest of them. I never see any difference in boys myself. They all seem equally objectionable. But Snaggs comes to our house, sits down and talks about his boy until I am nearly driven crazy. I hope you can suggest something for my relief. ' ' "I suggest, " said Sommers, "that you take Snaggs to the state of Michigan, U. S. A., and kill him. " "Why to Michigan?" queried Bremner. "Oh, simply because they don't hang for inurder there, and any penalty short of hanging should be cheerfully borne to get rid of a man like Snaggs. " "I didn't know you were acquainted with him," said Bremner excitedly. "I'm not, but I'm afflicted in the same way myself. " ' 'Nonsense ! ' ' cried Bremner. ' 'I never even heard you mentionyourchildren. " "I mean that I am afflicted with a friend like Snaggs. It's a daughter in his case. His name is Gregsby. I'm even worse off than you are, for this only daughter is but 5 years oíd. Yon are two years ahead of me. By and by the boy will reach years of discretion, and he will get there quioker thau Gregsby's girl. " "I don't know about that," Bremner replied gloomily. "Girls grow up so much fastor than boys do." "But they never reach years of discretion, yon know. ' ' "I don't believe any sou of Snaggs' will either. The boy's father hasn't, at auy rate. But I say, Sommers, an idea strikes me. Why uoc introduce Snaggs and Gregsby to each other?" "That wotüdu't be a bad plan, " replied Hommers cheerfully, "and then we might bet on them. I'll back my man to be the greater bore. ' ' "There wonldn't be any use in bettiug, " said Bremner, "for if yonr man is as bad as mine it could ouly end in a draw. ' ' "Bring your man round, and we'll test the case. " ' 'Shall I bring tíuaggs to your house tomorrow night then?" asked Bremner. "Yes, and if you're in for a bet I'm your victim. I have great faith in Gregsby and would like to have a little stako on him. " "It's a serious subject with me," replied Bremner. "Oh, very wel), then, 111 expect yon tomorrow night about 8 o'clock, though I suspect your man is not half so capable a bore as mine. " It was a few minutes before H u'clock wheu Uregsby pressert the electric button at tlifi Sommers residence. Sommers heard him talking to Mrs. Sommers in the hall, saying: "Oh, yes, thank you, she is quite well. 111 teil you something funuy that she Baíd today to her mother. " Sommers groaned and helped himself to a quantity of the stimnlant provided for his guests. The next moment Gregsby appeared, smiling, and Sommers greeted him with well feigned cordiality. Very soon the bell rang again, and a few minutes after Bremner was introdading SuaggH to the two sitting in the smoking room. "Beaetly weather this, " said Gregsby to the newconn'is. "1 don't mind the weather myself, irot when a man has obildren heiscompelled to thinkof it. " "Have you childreO?" asked Snaggs, with appareni interest. "I've a little boy myself, but he doesn't mind the weather iu tha least. " "I shouldu't say children, " replied Qregsby. "I have onu little girl, and she is only ") years old, but wouderfully knowing for her age, and this weather is so bad that she misses her walk with her mamma. We never trust her without a nurse, you know" - "I was saying, " broke in Snaggs, "that I have a little boy myself. He is 7, and he goesout in all sorts of weathBr. I don't believe in coddling children. And that reminds me of a clever thinp he said to me this mörning. He always I comes a little píece oí the-way witli me wiicn I start for tbe office. H" "Ah. yea,"interrnptedóregsby, "bnt, girls aro delicate little creatures and havo to bo taken care of. " "Quite so, " agreed Snaggg. "I admit that there :tr! disadvantagea about girls that boys aro quite froe f rom. " "Disadvantages!" cried tíregsby. "You don't ncau to say that a great clumsy boy is to be compared with a neat little girl? 1 would rather llave a girl aiiy day, lii,„' or little, than a boy. " "Oh, every one to his taste, " said Smiggs loftily. "By the way, Bremiier, did I tnll you what my boy said tho other day when I took him to have his hair cnt?" "No, "said Bremner enthusiastically. "Trll it to us, Snaggs. " "(íiris. " put iu Gregsby, "don't have to have their hair cut. My little girl has the most beautiful of goldeu hair you eversaw. You'veseen it, Sommers. Every one torne to look at her when she walks out with her mother. " "Huiuph!" said Snaggs, with ill coiicealed contonipt. "Iwassaying that I took my boy to have his hair cut, and it was the first time that he had ever been to a barber's shop. A man was being ahaved, and his face was all over lather. Without a word the boy drew his haiïtls f rom mine and bolted for home, running so fast that I didn't overtake him until he was at the door. 'What did you do that for, you young rascal?' I said. " 'Oh, papa,' he answered, 'if my face is going to break out like that, I don't want to have my hair cut. ' Fuuny, wasn't it? He thought the lather was the result of the hair cutting. He's awfully quick at reasoning, that boy." "Well, it seems to me that he didn't reason to a very correct conclusión. Now, my little girl was having a dress fltted the other dáy, and she asked the dressmaker where the dress orcharc ■was. She thought that dresses grew ou trees. " "I must confessthat I can'tseeinuch reasou about that, " said Snaggs spitefully, "if you are giving it as au instauco of reasouing against what my boy said of the niau at tho barbor's. " "Reasouing?" hotly replied Gregsby. "I never said anything about reasoniug. It was poetical. She thought dresseb grew ou trees, and that ribbous were the blossoms. She told me so herself. And then another time she and her mother were conversing" - '"You'll have to excuse me," saic Snaggs, rising. "I remember now thal I have an appointment at the club. ] forgot it, Bremner, when I promised to come here with you. ' ' "Oh, don 't go yet, "said Bremner. "TeJl us that story about what the boy said to the organ griuder. " "Ah, yes," said Snaggs eagerly, apparently forgetting his appointment in the joy of narration. "Mr. Sommers didn't hear that one, did he? Well, one day au organ grindcr stopped in front of onr house" - "I don 't wish to interrupt, " put in Gregsby, also rising, "but I promised Mrs. Gregsby that I would be home almast direotly. I merely carne over, Sommers to teil you that I could not stay tonight. " "Oh, wel]," cried Sommers und Bremner siinultaneously, rising and bolding out their hands, "if you really must go, why, you must, I suppose. " "I am very glad to have made your acqxiaintance, Mr. Gregsby, " said Bremuer as he shook hands and wished him good night, and he added: "I wish you would oome over somo night and see hip. My friend Mr. Suaggs here often pops in, and we will all get better acquainted. " "And you, Mr. Snaggs, drop in and see me," said Sommers. "You will be nearly always sure of meeting Gregsby here. Come in often and have a chat. I have a lot of boys myself, and I like to hear about them. ' ' "That man Gregsby i.s a blanked idiot, " said Snaggs to Bremner a few days after, "and I give yon notioe that if he comes to your house I won't. " And as Gregsby said almost the same thing to Sommers let us hope that the acid of one neutralizes the alkali of the other.