Passing Pleasantries

"Do you believe in fate, Pat?" "Sure and phwat would we stand on widout 'em?" "Blinkerton is going into litigation. " "What about?" "He got hurt in a duel and wants to collect his accident insurance. " George - Have I come too early, dear? Laura - No, George. We have just had tea, and u always ought to come ríght after t. Telegram from Nym Rodd. to the man's wife- Your husband met with n accident and was killed. Her Telegram - Send on the remains. The Answer - There are none, he met a bear. Jeweler- You don't need a key for that watch. You just turn the crown, so, and it will go. Farmer Field - Just like a durned cow, ain't it? Give her tail a twist an' she gits up and gits. Father - But you have no means and no prospects. If I give my daughter to you, what is to become of her? Suitor - Well, sir, you are a wealthy man, and you are surely not going to see your daughter starve. "Did you hear about the theatrical company that got stranded on a cannibal island?" "No." "Well, it happened, and the head oí the tribe said aiterward that the beat part of the meal got away while he was eating the supe." Mr. Lafferty - Oi was a big fooi to inarry yez, so Oi was. If it wasn't for me ye'd shtarve to death. Mr. Lafferty, haughtily - Don't be so stuck up, Mr. Lafferty. Yez needn't t'ink dthere air no other fools in dthis wor-r-rld besides yersilt Jixa- Honesty is ther best policy arter 'all. Bill- How? 'íEemember that dog I stole?" "Yep." "Well, I tried two huil days to sell 'im, an' no one offered more'n a So I went; like a honest man, an' guv 'im to th' ole lady what owned 'im, ansie guv me 85." A coal dealer asked some law studnts what legal authority was the favorite of his trade. One answered ' 'Coke. " ' 'Eight, " said the coal dealer. Another suggested "Blackstone." "Good, too," said the questioner. Then a little man piped out ' 'Littleton." Whereupon the coal dealer sat down.