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Monroe Doctrine From The Democrat

Monroe Doctrine From The Democrat image
Parent Issue
Day
6
Month
March
Year
1896
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Ann Arbor undertakes advertising in a sprigbtly way claiming to have one of the fi íest undertaking establishments iu Michigan, and adds in a cheerfal tone, "Drop in and look it over." Said another nndertaker, "Try one of my coífins and yoa will use no other. " The "honor" examinations in the dental class of thé University are ander suspioion, several papers turned ín being so exactly alike that it is fchought the dents secured an unauthoriied "pull" somewhere. The faoalty bas jnst cut ifca eye teeth conoerning the matter. The gradnating exeroises of the Uuirersity training school for nurses took place last Friday. The graduates 3hould secure instant employrnent at aursing the booms of the various republican oandidates for governor. By tho way oongressinan Aitkesi needs a "wet-nurse" for his. W. D. Smith, a Webster farmer, oiaimed that for want of a tariff the 3heep indnstry had been ruined. The Adrián Press reminds him that wool lowered under the MoKinley tariff and raised under the Wilson f ree list and adds: "Smith shuuld apply for the uomination for congress. He hasn't sense enough to farm it, and should diet on fish and oat meal. " Well, wherefo' uuless tbere is brains? Said Brown to Jones: "If I had such a head as yonrs, I'd bore a hole in it and fill it up with garbage. " Said Jones to. Brown : "If I had suoh a head as yonrs, I'd bore a hole in it and let the garbage out." In this case substitute Sniith for Brown. The new Ypsilanti postmaster will reuovate the postoffloe from end to end. The endorsements of republican flies will be removed, the walls paiuted and deoorated, Harrispn's picture removed, together with the "snipes" and "old soldiera" of the last presidential campaign, and tbe Bopardus kicker sprung on th ; defiler who dares plug the goddess of of liberty in the eye with a tobacco quid. Owing either to a defeotive flue or friotion between the devil's hoof and Bome one of the pastor's sennons on the future state of the wicked, the Ypsilanti Methodist church took fire, last week. The fire department laid a line of h ose 'in the churoh, bursted a hole in the doubl6 wall where tbe inferno was transacting business and suppressed the fire on the good Methodist plan of "pouring. " Had it been a Baptist churoh notbing short of immersiou would have saved it.

Article

Subjects
Ann Arbor Argus
Old News