Monroe Democrat Items

Charles Binder, pressruau of the Arm Arbjr Argus, is about to take upon him the assistance of a wife. The ties that Binder to him are - O, hold on ! Who threw that briok? Virgil A. Comiskie feil f5,000 worth into au Ypsilauti excavation and asks the council to hand over the cash. The counoil is looking thoughtfully at the floor and puiling its chin whiskers A machete is a sword that cuts both ways. JSTow, what is a tongue that talks both ways? A politiciau? - Washtenaw Times. Let the Times' "Politician" answer. Two lady "wheehnen" of Ypsilanti, collided ''kerchuck" the other night aud both rollecl in the dust whioh rose and curtaiued the incident. Instead of keeping to the right, they both went to the left. A "Milkmaid's convention" was held at Ypsilauti, ■ Tuesday evening, and those who were out that evening noticed that the "milky way" never shoue brighter. This was a convention that inilk made. An Ypsilanti carpenter sued to recover $232.50 for building a house. The jury fouud that he had built so badly that they gave judgtnent of $225 for defendant. This was a case of going out for wool and coming back shorn. ': Willam Gunn, of Ypsilanti, was shot into the ponitentiary last fall on a four years' sentence. The Gunn has just been allowed to go off on parole, under the new law. 'Vv'üliam's delight is hung ou a hair trigger and esplodes at the slightest pull. A Detroit carrier pigeon, let loose froru Ypsilanti the other day, made the homing trip in 23 minutes, much less than a mile a minute. No one can blame the bird for making speed. Beiug a letter carrier it was afraid of getting mixed up with the Letter-Ryan factions. "Members of the Choral Union of Ann Arbor, have failed to return about 75 copies of the Elijah music, " says Librarían Bacon. The Uuion may not have it. It is just as likely as not that Elijah had the music in his pocket the day he went off on that hasty trip and never returued. Some of the draymen of Ann Arbor, take exception to a criticism of the Times on the profanity of the draying frateruity and write a Card to the paper saying among other things: "Why, many of those poor draymen never had a day's time to read the Bible to post up on sacred ñames to use profanity." This explains. It was evident frorn their awkward swearing that somethiDg was wrong.