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Glass driukiug cups witb piotuies of i McKiuley aud Hobart, are a oampaigu uovelty ar Ypsilanti. McKiuley aud [ Hobart - a syuonyiii for gold standard. There is close assooiatiou between the gold treatmeut, the driukiug cup aud delirium trámens. Audrew Campbell, of Pitsfleld, is haviug bis joiuts rubbed with neat's j foot oil, foi the senatorial race, on the gold ticket. No use. No Cam'ell eau gallop this year by the side of the silver footed gazelle. After election the careass of the Cam'ell will fester in the dese.i of Defeat. Some one in the uorth part of the city is poisouiug dogs. If he would take ouly the pour curs, and not kill off valuable dogs, there would be less objection to his doiugs. - Aun Arbor Register. Doginatically correct. The poisouer shonld be cur tailed iu his operations. The Dexter Leader haviug referred to the hard coal war, the Ypsilautiau adjudges the Leader editor "a mau of nerve, to sit up there and talk about coal, with the mercury 100 in the shade aud every breath he breathes smelliug the brirnstoue. " Don't twit his breath about brüustoue. It'e good for the seven year kind, aud you niay have it yourself. A (Jbristian Jew bas beateu the Ypsilanti Sentinel out of a $3 printiug bill. The Sentinel lias faith iu his alleged conversión to Christiauity, because it "never knew a Jew of his own faith to fail to pay bis debts. " The Jew was doubtless for gold and the Sentinel is a silyer paper. It is ouly a fresh illustratiou of gold demonetizing silver. J. E. Smitb, of Ypsilanti township, the breeder of fine wool sheep has eularged his baru aud built uew sheep sheds. - Argus. And yet the Courier did teil us fiat the sheep industry was totally rumed by the Wilson tariff. In the face of the constantly iucreasing flocks of sheep the Hi Tariffites canuot ram that home to their readers. They haven 't auy ram rod. The editor of the Petersburgh Sun totes a new offspring. It's an August flower. A correspondent writing to Congratúlate the editor says: "I have often noticed that babies are unusually young. " Yes, that's the rule. Some infants never outgrow the nursing period, as for instance the tariff -protected infant industries which have whiskers a century old, yet bawl that they cau't live if they are weaned. And uow the question arises, sball trauquillity be spelled with one "1" or two? Perhaps it's no great matter, anyway. As an Englishman would say : "What the L's the hodds as long as we're tranquil?'' - Northville Record. But the Englishinau disturbed the tranquillity of the corupany wheu, answeriijg au inquiry how to spell saloou, he replied, "with a hess, aud a hay, and a heil, two hoes aud a hen." An Aun Arbor lady was secretly married and the couple struok out for Suuth Dakota on bicycles, wbere the bride's father lives. The father and son-in-law failed to love each other, the forroer refused to say " Jeaven bless yon my children" and took his daughter from her husband on the charge of ill treatnaent, and berated the captor of his child till he was pneumatically tired. Thus joy and grief succeei each otber with regular cycles and often bicycles. The Dexter Leader announces, a combine of the local whiskey dealers, who, owing to the hard times, will mix no more five cent scaldpaunch, which will go straightly to ten cents. The rapacious rascáis want four prices fnr one gallbuster. Owing to the doubling of the value of the gold dollar, five cents is as good as ten was once. Now they shove it up to ten cents a dose, equal to twenty cents a dose, we must have free silver!


Ann Arbor Argus
Old News