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Campaign Stories

Campaign Stories image
Parent Issue
Day
21
Month
October
Year
1898
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Tbe Grass Lake News has the following story oü John C. Sharpe: Our old frieud Sharpe who is running for senator in tbis district keenJy relishes oomioal episodes, but not long ago was cbifi actor in soruething akin to that sort that really npset his good natore. Id Jane last John and his friend Joe Stets ü drove down to W. H. Reed's on Grand River in Rives to angle for bas?. They had tolerable lnok and as :ue day declined, the afteruoon beiug warra, botb decided tbat a swim would be the proper caper. They were soon breasting the crystal waters and leisurely swam across the bend to the bank opposite on J, Wi ight's gmall patoh uf gronnd. There tbey rested while John explained that were he Kinley he wonld cros9 the ocean, thiow the entile power of this ootintty against Spain, bnck the life out of her by sbeer monientum, oatch, kill and stuff old Weyler just as a trophy, then lie back and f au while other nations carne round with their hats off and applauded. The great achievement over, he twain once inore took to the liquid element and slowly swam agaiust the currentjoward their starting place. As tbey ap'proached the bankSbarpe sudenly eet up an nnearthly yell, at the same time redonbling his strokes and pushing forward with all his might. Joa's blood cnrdled as his ear took in John's awfui wJioops, and bis thoughts at first ran on rnan-eating sharks, but glancing shoreward he saw the cause of tbe trouble. A drove of goats were lnuching on John's ■svearing apparel! In disrobing he had tboughtlessly thrown his outfit on the gronnd, but Joe, more fortúnate, had tossed his upon the bushes. The swimmers were saon on terra firma and the goats pnt to flight. A few rags were all that rernained of the gmall clothes; the coat and vest had wholly disappeared, while both legs of the pants were eaten off and gone ! He looked dreamy and dazed, onr friend John did. He was speechless. Woids, expressive oL his feelings, had no existence whatever. But when the reaction cama and the Johnstown dam of his pent np emotions gave way, he roared, "This is a - pietty kettle of flsn !!! " Joe assented with a diabolical grin. "What am I to do?' came in despairing accents. Joe didn't know. "Have got to mockey home inthis toilet and take to the brush every tirne we meet anybody?" Joe was mum. "I'll be tbe laughiog stock of the wbole oounty! - the goats!' It was finally decided that Jue should go to a small tenant house not far away and see if he conld not raake a raise of some clothing. On repairing thither he fonnd a fat Irisn woman at home, to whotn be made knowu his errand. She said her hnsband "hadn't a dud bariin' wbut war on biz boddy; beside he wur away at ditcbing, pnir mon, and sbe herself had leetle, but was a leddy." At last Joe, who must have something, seoored an old wrapper with one arm off, and an unstarched sunbounet, for John's bat was gone, and departed. Rejoining his friend be produced the faded gown. There was n o help for it. The gifted statesman and orator whose eloquence bad held thousands speU-bouud and ■wbose profound statutory conception s had enriched the legal code of Michigan, was obliged to lift up that begrimed drapery and let it down over his head. A f ter it was fastened at the neok and bnttoned over his snowy bosom, he craned his ueck and scanned himself. "Aio't I a pretty looking nymph?" he queried, then lancing at .bis naked arm he ejaoolated as his lip cnrled in irony, "Blanked if I aint half a mind to yank off the other arm of tbis dress, then rip out the front, and go in low neck and short sleeves. " No, he did not smile, but Joe did. Joe rolled on the gronnd and yelled. John told him be "acted like a fooi!" They stolo from that place in the gloaming, clirnbed into their spring wagon and bowled rapidly towards home. It was a pictnresqne speotacle. The old san-bonnet flopped abont Jobn's face with every wabble of the vehicle, aud in the twiligbt he seemed of immense size in the faderl, almost white, wrapper. They finally reached the Sharpe dounoile and as John bolted in, he was greeted with uncontroliable langhter.