Press enter after choosing selection

A Capital Story

A Capital Story image
Parent Issue
Day
9
Month
January
Year
1880
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

The train from CJrafton, a few days since, stopped at one of the way station to take on a couple newly married. Both wcre young and both were verdant ; having been raised in the wilds of West Virginia, neither had ever been fifty miles from home ; liad heard of railways, steamboats, locomotivos and hotels, but had never experiunced the comforts of any of the afore mentioned in-titutions. Jeems and Lizie had determined on this, the most important event of their lives, to visit the city and ■ tbe world, particularly that portion ofit known as Parkersburg. No wonder that they were aitiused and delighted, whenthe locomotive with the beautiful crimson cars following it eame in view. " Those yourtrunks ?" saidthe bagage master. " Wall, I borter calcerlate them's em," said Jeems. The trunks, a spotted hair trunk and a very old fashioned valise, were oou in the baggage car, followed by Jeeuis and Lize, '' I'll be darned if railroads ain't a fine thing," said Jeems, as heseated himself on the trunk, and carefully held up the tail of his tight waisted blue, resplendent with metal buttons, out of the dust. " Lila set here by me." (Jome out of that ! said the Ijajrgugo tuaster ; " you are in the wrong car! " " The heil we are ! D'ye 'spose we don't kno' what wo'r 'bout? Tlieui's our traps, and I calcerlate to stop whar they air. Keep quiet Lize, we'll have to fight our way thro' the world anyhow, and if that chap witfa a cap on wants anything I'm his man. Don't want any yer loolin' round rué." Here the conductor interposed and explained matters, insomuch that Jeems conunied U) leave his traps and folluw btm. What was his araazetnent when he surveyed the palace car into which he was ushered. II is imagination had never, in its wildest flights pictured anything half so grand. He was aroused from the oontetnplation of the splendor around him by the shriek of the iron hors. "Jewhillikins! what in thunderis that?" cxclaimed Jeems. "That'sthe horse pquealing when they punch him in the ribs with a pitch-fork to make him move on," said a sleepy individual just behind him. " Look here, fellow," said Jeems, " I know you think I'm a darned fooi, maybe I am - but there's one thing I know, and that is, that you' 11 pet your mouth broken if you don't keep it shut. I don't say much - " just at that moment they found themselvesin profound darknesfs, andthere was a scream almost equal to that of the locomotive, from Lize, as Bhe threw her arrns around Jeems' ntck. "I knewit!" exclaimed the sleepy individual, " we are all lost, prepare to make tho acquaintance of the old man in black, who lends the tire down below." " Oh Lord 1 Jeema, what will become of us? I feit skeery about gittin' on the outlandÍ!-h thiog at fust !" Keep quiet liize - hollenn won t neip any now, if you know any prayer, now's the time to say it f'or both of us." " What's the matter here?" said the astonished conductor, who carne up just a.s the train emerged once more into the light. "That's just wbat I'd like to know," said Jeenis, when lic saw Lize and himself were still alive. " We've just passed Eton's tunnel," re plied our polite conductor. " How i'ar do you ride?" " Wall, I reckon we'll stop at Purkersburg." " Show your ticket, if you picase." "Sartinly. Lize, you have onewith you. Let this man see it." Lize drew a piece of white paper froru her reiicule, and with a smile, handed it to our friend, the conductor, who read : "The pieasure of your eompany is respect fully soheited," etc. " What is this? " said conductor. " Why, that's one of our wedin' tickets; that's what you asked for, hain't it?" said the somewhat astonished Jeems. " Whawl whaw I ! whaw III" was the discordant sound that arose from the soat ot of' the sleepy individual. A bland smile passod over the face of tho conductor, as he explained to our verdant friend. He had no ticket; but reudily paid hiM fare, and tho train sped on to its destination. 13ut wonders did not ccase here. Presently our pert news boy Billy, enterrd ibe cur, and, stepping up to Jeems asked : "Have a Sun, sir?" " Wall, if Ihavemy wayabout it, the l'u-t one will be a son, sartin," said Jeems. Jiize blushed. "üon't count your chickens before they are hatched," said Billy as ho hastened on tothe next car. In due time the train stopped at the depot. Amid the confusión of unused to noises and the babble of discordant voices, our friends landed on the platform. "Bus, sah? bun, Rah ! free for hn Initcil Siates?" .said the sable porter of our town house. " Lady, take a bus, oh f " " Wal!, rather 'spoae she won't froni anybody but me - reckon l'in ible to do all in that lino she wants, and more too," eaid Jeems. "Goto the Swan House, sah? Just across de street - bost liouse in de city. Dis way, sah. Atiy truoks? Have 'eui pent to your room in a few minutes." In a short time Jeems and his bride found themselves in one of those oomfortable rooms on the second floor of the wellordered establishment, the Swan House. With the usual promptncss the trunks were sent up, and our fiïends were soon ni!ikii) tlieir toilete lordinner. Jeems had hfc ooat off in a jilFy, and Liso'i huir feil in wavcs over lier shoulders. " Wbat a duced pretty torsal," said Jeems, as lie eyed the bill-cord ; wonder what it's fur," catchinK hold of it. " Look, it works on thar on a sort of a thidgumbob. l'd like to have a torsal to put iu uiy horse's head next muster-day ; see how it works," said he as he pulled ita second time, Presently the door opened, and the sable face of one of Africa's sous was trust into the rooms with the inquiry of " Ring, sah! " "King? ring what, yon blaok ape? It you don't quita lookin' at tuy wite, and iiKike ytmrseli scarce 111 ring your head " Stop a minute," said Lizo, " what's the iiian's name as kceps this tavern? " Mr. Conley' marm." " Well, tel] bis lady Bbe needn't ]ut any extra fixinV cm, on our account, ibr we are plain peopie, said the aiuiable bride. "As they used to say in our debatin' society ; " Jeems, " I'll amtnd that rootion liy :-ayiti' you can teil thein, the best they have I'm able to pay tbr it, and don't care tbr etperisea" " Tee-liee I tee-heo ! " was the only auditile reply trota the sable gent, as he hurried (lnsvii tairs. Dinner canie and was dispatched witli a ii'li-h. Jeemi and liis bride took a strull over the city, teeing tlie linns and othcr sigbtfi until upii' linie. :ind when that was ovi r tli.'j retirtd to their room. Tbe gus was lit by the sarvant, who reeeivod tor hi scivice a bran nrw quarter. Jeems mi the lul in bed, and by the rule in such oases, had tu put out thelight, which hedid by a blast trom bis lungs. The niiie in the Street had dicd away, aod qoietDeas üèttled over tbe Swan House. Tlie eleik wa about to retire, wben he thoughl hesmell lus. Contrary to his will, he proceeded to findwere the leak was. It Memed the mos) uotiaeablfl neartbe room oceupied by the bride and grooui ; so he oodcluded to knook. " Who'a there?" bame from the inside. "Open the door, the gas is escaping." "(jas? what gas!" sail Jeems, as lic opetied t'ii'iioor. " Why, herein the ifo%a, lldw did you put it out? " I Jiiii -I IL uui, ui WUI W . " You playecl the ." Our amiuble olerk nearly -uid a bad word, bul when he 1 tin re na a lady in OMO, or rather in the bed, he checked his rising temper, littlie gas, and proeceded to stiow Jeeins tlie myatwy of tlie burner, as follows : loa %se iMé Httle thing here. Wel], when you want to put it out turn it this way, and when you want to make it lighter, turn it this way." " Mucli obliged. But hnw the devil did L know the durned stuff was 'scapin! " repODded Jeenu. " Di'lii't you smel! it ! " asked the clerk. "'l'earsto me I did siuell sumthin'," said Jeeuis. "But Lize, I'llbedurned if I didn't think it was you, kase I never slept witn a woiuan afore." " Well. Jeems, I thoujrht it you that smelt that way, all the time. 1 was just wonderin' if all men slept that way, it'pears so curious, I nevur slept with a man afore in all niy life, and didn't knnwnuthin'about it," was the r BpoÉM of Lize, as she laid over for a nap. The red in the clerk's face became suddenly redder as it reflected the light oí the i....,.„a i"t --) rniiiish twinkli! lurked in his eye, a Q turned off the cas and all was dark, and our fiicnd wcre lett alone in their pleasure.H. A eound of suppressed mirth w.is be&rd in the reading rootu íbr a few minutes, and all then was still.

Article

Subjects
Humor
Old News
Ann Arbor Courier