Variety And Spice

The Siamese Twins were the champion doublé scullers. Londoners are (o have sea-water pipes connected with their houses. "Oysters two" would eeeni to be the proper way to spell church festival soup. In this country it was Powhattan who originated the idea of getting up a club. Franciscan friars have gone into the wine business extensively in Los Angeles, Cal. If you desire to malte a friend of her for life, pretend to ruistake her for her daugh ter. A Tennessee hunter fired at a bird, am winged two passengere in a distant railroa train. A sociable man is one who, when he ha ten minutes to spare, goes and bothers somebody who hasn't. Rev. Collyer was a blacksniith. This is the reason that he can so readily rivet the attention of an audiencc. The latest case of singularity of conduc reported is that of a man in Lowell, who "dyed " for the benefit of his "hairs." If somc artists could bc hung with their pictures of art exhibitions, theso affairs Wüuld not be without their good results. " IIow doth the little busy bee 't" Very indifferently, we should imagine, seeing how often he is to be found in tbc celk ín the West, Indians settle the estáte of a deceased person by giving it to the swiftest runner among them. in the Kast, the swiftest lawyer gets it. The King of' Denmark haseommunieated to ttic lOuipcror of'Germany the decisión of' tlie Duke of Gumberland not to renounce his claims on Hanover. W'lipnevcr I soc a real bandsum roman éégaged in thewimmen's rightH business, 1 am a going to take off mi hat and jine the processhun. See if I don't. If you want to get at the circuniference of a man, eays Josh Billings, examine him among men ; but if you want tew get at his aekturil duurn-tcr, mensure liitn at. liis side. Tongne lamxit teil the wonls or express tlu: astoeishmeat of (he orippled soldier in (Jonneoticut, wlio awoke to find that his wife was using his wooden leg to pound the beefsteak for breakfast. Mrs. Harris was 11, at Mitchcll, Ind., and doHriously insisted on getting out of bed. The husband tried by persuasión to keep herquiet, and then losing lus patience, killed her witu an axe. "Five or six years of married life," remarks a veteran, "will often reduce a naturally irascible man to such a condition of angelic humanity that it wouldn't be safe to trust hiui with a pair of' wives." llithorto the jiroperty of persons dying intestate without known heirs in tho Duohy of Cornwall has lapsed to the Crown, but it u now established that it belongs to the Princo of Wales as Duke of Cornwall. 'p.-.i .- ti u at part oi speecn is tne word'egg?'" Boy: "Noun.sir." irWhat is its gender?" "Can't say, sir, till it's hatched." " Well, then, my lad, you can't teil me the case?" "Oh, yes, sir- the shell !" A littlediscovery - Observing boy: "Ma, Aunt Dora has bten cating the honey." Astonished motlicr : " IIow do you know, ruy dear?" Son: "'Cause I heard Mr. Sniith say he wanted to sip the honey from herlips." Squire (to oíd butler) : " Pat, ye oíd rascal, you've been at the whisky again - I can tell by the sraell." Pat : "Arrah, yer honor, if 'twas yerself that didn't know the smell of whisky so well, it would be betther for all av us. ' ' A tramp had the delirium treinens, the other day. He taid he saw angels, rats, noice, serpents, bees - alniost everything, in fact; but through all hisdelirious haranguc he never admitted seeing a good-sized wood pile and a buck-saw. " My dear," said a smiling spouse to her other half, a niorning or two since, " I'm going a-shopping ; I want a little 'change. ' ' ' "Pooh!" responded the ungallant man, " that would be no change at all ; you go shopping every day." An Irishman adorned with a blue ribbon went into an apothecary's shop, and said to the olerk : " If' ye piase, sir, ['m a timperaneo man, bnt if ye have any soda-water ol the strength and quality of' whisky, I IJ trouble ye for a little." The spouse of a eelebrated Scotch mathematician, who had succeeded, aftor the labor of months; in solving the knottiest of problems, exclaimed : "Weel, now, that you've gruppit the little thing, wbat's the worth o't in punds Scotch?" "What! twenty-five cents for one pound of sausages? Why, I can get them down to Schmidt's for twenty cents." "Veil, den, vy didn't ver?" "'Cause Schmidt was out of 'em." "Veil, uv I was out of 'em, I'd sell 'ein for 20 cents, too." School Superintendent Mann, of San Francisco, makes this weighty expression in an official report: "Providence haswisely ordained, that in the family, the parents, the natural guardians and instructors of children, hall be of different sexos." The richest youthful heiress of the day in Kngland is MissMaynard, pranddaughter of Viscount Maynard. She has L120,000 a year in land, and large accumulations of money. Miss Maynard made her dchut ut a maguifieent ball at her seat in Essex. A Parisian fathcr-in-law was owapbuning that his daughter's husband knew nothina about gambhng, when a l'ricnd interrupted hitu, saying: " Why, that's not a fault. It is a virtue." "But, you see," said Ahe father-in-law, " he gambles all the s:inio." A nobleman ventured, in a moment of conviviality at the Duke of Wellington's table, to put this question to him : "Allow me to ask, as we are all l'riends here, ifyou were not surprised at Waterloo ?' ' To which the Duke replied: "No; but I atn now." A stage load of passengers were startled whon a desperado brandished a knife, and swore he would kill the driver ; and they laughed when the driver savagely drew an oíd, black pipe, and the scared despjrado plunged into a pond to escape the bullet. On Thanksgiving Day, the twenty-five girls eruployed by aclothing firm va Botton presented the two members of the firm with a handsome album which cost $22. The presentation ceremonies oceupied about half an hour, which was deducted from their pay. A negro was hanged at Tarboro, N. C, the other day, who showed such deliglit that his feelings infected the negro spectators, who cried : " Dat's so!" " Bless Ood!" "Kope won't hurt hira!" "God done sabed him!" "Tell 'em I'm comn' !" "Gwine to meet you, my brudderl" and the like.