All Sorts

Never hit a musUcbe when its down. The wasp thinks its smart to stand on his hind leg. A remarle thatalwaysprovokesa "smile" - "what will you take?" It is a wise fly that knows the difference botween oleouiargarine and butler. Can a retired baggage-master be properly referred to as the company's exchecker? The man who Btepped on an hour glass thought for a minute that he was making fbotprints on the Hands of time. The poor ornan who thought she could make a cotton dress wear as long as a wollen one, was worsted in the attempt. A waiter in the Howard house boasts he has had his thumb in 23,000 plates of soup. Tbat's what niakes him such a superior waiter. When a paragrapber alludps to the buriul of a person who died at the aj?o of 100 years, as "a century plant," he should be severely sat down upon. "Let me catch you," said the boy to the measles. "I'll humor you this time," replied the measles, and the boy soon repented his raah request. - A song for the summcr season : "Drink to me only with thine ioe."- llackensack Republican. Now that would be just tune ioe for anything ! - Boston Journal of Commeroe. There are a great many people who will never go to Heaven unless they can go at excursión rates. - Whitehall Times. The fact is the majority go as deadheads. - Kichmond Baton. The farmer who owns a sugar orchard is sappiest when the trees yield the most freely.- Exchange. Anybody maplo leaf thirt wbo chooses. - Yawcob Strauss, in Journal of Commerce. An exchange cays one handsome girl in the country will draw men "from a circle ten miles square." Our coutemporary appcar to have suoceeded in "squaring a circle." - Nahant Herald. " What is statesmanship," asks the Chicago Inter-Ocean. Statesmanship, we believe, is the peculiar gift some men bave of robbing the government without being caught- Philadelphia Chronicle. The two important eyents in the Ufo of man are when he examines bis upper lip and sees the hair coming, and when he examines the top of his head and secs the hair going. - Philadclphia Chronicle. A little girl 7 years old, left locked up in a room with her baby sister, by its mother, in Cincinnati a few days ago, while she went out to her work, set her clothes on fire while playing with matchen. When the poor mother returned the child was able to speak, and said she had not called for help because she was "afraid of waking the baby." lo a few minutos she was dead. Mtj. C. B. Masoo, of Nowbern, Tenn.. has presentcd to the Tcnnossee historical society a oast iron kettlo whioh was brouglu to América in the Mayflower in 1620 by his great-great-grandfather, John Mason. Maj. Maaon was Burvevor for Madison county, Tenn., for fifty-three years. How noble to the innocent young girl scems the smart young man who has won her heart, how good, how kind, how gentle, how ever so much nicer than motner. It is different, howevor, when she gets him ; she does so everlastingly, awfully want motlier then.- New York Cotuiiieroial. Speakers sbould be careful in jjiving leaJmg quetions, especially to childron. A teacher asked his school : "VVith what remarkable weapon did Sampson at one time slay a nuniber of Philistines?" For a while tuere was no answer, and the teacher, to assist tho children a littlo, commenced tapping hisjaw with the top of his finger, at the same time orying, "What's this? What's this?" Quick as thought. one little fellow replied, "The jawbone of an asü, sir.' On Sunday evening Dr. Harding was summoned by a telegram to Point St. Ignaoe to visit Mr. Stockbridge, of the extensivo lumber firm of Stockbridge & Co. The gentleman was reported dangerously sick with inflamation of the bowels, and owing to the condition of the straits no physioian could be gotten from the island or Cheboygan. Though the night was very cold and storuiy the doctor procured a rig and started on liis journey at onoe. It was exnected that a team from the point would