Wit And Humor

ShoridanShook and wife have sopara! 1. ÍMiü Miuvk llim Uh U wure, A hip tips over when she dou't have ballast ciiongh, and a man when lio lias too mach. The Roehester Hemld says thut rtwimniiNL' tiglits and intoxicatcd buthcrs uro uot 0D and lliu sam; thiiiK. Bald-ïieadcd mun muy lio interest. -d in knowiii" that the coimnnn liouso fly when alarnied ilios carly 35 l'eot in a Meodd of tiini'. Thebook " Succcss witli Small Fruits " will uot (:!! aliout the sucoesn of the poy ¦lm cludod the dog in the atrawherry patch. Farmers do not hcarconm talk. Neithor do mun-wlm wear tilit lxots. Mul tlifro aro sume thiiigs wbich spt:ak loudcr tban words. The differenco bctwuen liorse-raddi.-'ti and a reddish liorse this : One in not a horst' at all, and tlir dtliur i.i a horst! ot' another color. . Ycmng moti perslnt in hQggine dqlusïrtba, and tliat'n the rcanon, prolibly that so many young ladieH wear tlio.te delusiou shawls. ¦ W'li.itiivcr olijcctioiis may be urj;el to the theory of capita! punisnmant, it must be admittud lliat when a man is buiig it a a Iosmoii to biui. Tt can scareely be fMJseiblo I lint tln; liaml some stockinij.s now worn by ladie are intcndcd for hIiow only when betug hung upon tlie clothes lino. Two l'hiladelphia burglars who weiv detected brcaking into a baak, tried to excu.se theuiselvea od the plea that they were uicrely contcsting delgates. "Alfaya gct up l'roui tbc tablc hungry if you wiah to avoid dyspcpsia, " íh a bit of advice that boarding-huuHO keepers .should not neglect to pasto up u tlieir diniiigronin. The New Orleans l'ieayunc wantn overy rule to work both ways. Itsays: " Tliere is no instancj kimwn of'a man nentenoed to iiupriconment for ufe baviog )úá téUtCoot ourniniUi;d to haníjing. " They nay that insocts oan't reafon, but a fpidcr at the West End has strctclied bis web riht over tho purtrait oí' a bald huaded uian. And lio docsn't gu hungry, you justttagor. - BoHtnn I'nst. " It is the preMAt íaliiun t(i give briden inonvy insteadof the traditional silver-ware mid triiikcts." Tho chktaKé íh to be odinBMaded. l'rcttvol'ten the biidetjrooiu run.s short of fundn bef'orc the wedding tour is half completad, and il' the bride liad been givcn ïiioney inctcad of silver tea-poU im tilines, nlie eould have lielpod liitn out of hn linaneial gloom. A lot of silverware at home wlifii you are a few hundred iiiilc therefrom with not enough mouey to pay & hotel bill, iaahollowmookery.- Nornstown Herald. "Aic ym prepared for death?" (ka elergynian u-ked, with a tremor of etnetion in hi.s voice, a8 ho took the sick woman's hand in liÍH owri. A .-hade of patiënt triought ithsxmI the invalid'.s face, and by hik] by she said "shodtdö'tliardly believeshe was; thero was the liltlo bedroom carjü'! tO b.' taken ui) yet, and the paint up Htairs had liardly been touched, and nlie dii) want to put up new ourtaitn in the ditiing room, l'nt tkm thought f hedidiit dio until noxl Mjinlay .she wuuld !¦ al.diil, an iicar redy BNawoimtn wiih a Ky lamllv ml do grrl ever ezDQcted to ba." I'. S. Tliat woiuan vut well. - Barkqgtoa Iluwk Ey ' When a Carson man got wcll onoueh to io outafterartiffiqulty with a mulé, Lciixed tho treadmill uf his (tawinr machine so that it would roll, put a teuipting measurc of oats in the manger at the upper end, and lefi the mulo alone with the contrivance, aud at'tcr the animal had worked for half a day in a vain effort to cliuib up to thoso Mtl. every time he liad Mepped i'irwanl on the mili it haviug rolled bark witli him, that mule was the most iatigued and ugliest, uiaddest and ma.si disusted animal in Nevada, and the avenger ti lt as tikled ti.s thou.u'li he won lorty-i'ipht dt)llarH at poktr. i I