The Democratic Platform Translated Into Plain English

lat. - We stick yot to what principies we have lei't to us, excepting that we take back and bury out of sightall tbat we have fiaid heretolbre against military eandidatea without civil qualifications or cxperience. Such leaders we now belicve in. 2nd.- Wc believe also in a variogated spotted tariff, including fice whisky, without whioh the democratie party would ceaae to be. That is what we mean by a Uriff for revenue. T - We hcartily reoouimend threo kinds of barrels : - Barrels of'money constantly oo tap at the north ; 2nd. - Doublobarrelled shotguns tor democratie colorod game at the south ; 3rd.- Barrels of whi-ky, tapped at each end, for the une of democratie voters at the southwost and west. We recommend the uniou of the three in all doubtful states, and for the conversión of ininorities into a working majority. All voters should be provided with doublé ballols, and all canvussing democratie inspectora and returning officers with ibat species of liquor entertaininent which will enable them to sec and count doublu. 4th. - We are in favor of hard or soft money, according to the latitude or kmgitude of the polling places- and títere in abundance. - We are lieartily in fivor of democratie majoritios howevor obtained. _ As Jefferson so wcll said, or ought to, if he didn't - "Eternal majorities are good tor the democratie ideas of frecdom. 6th.- Our old and tricd MlTUt, Tilden, who worked so hard and unscrupuloualy, wc discharge with this rare certifícate of character: "Ile is a firstrate oipher-er and will do more dirty work without tiring than any otlier servant wo ever had, not excepting Buchanan, Pierce or Van Buren. To pawnbrokers, broken down insurance and railroad companies, we heartily commend hiui. IIo wnuts high pay, but ha is worth it.