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An Ambidexter

An Ambidexter image
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There is a reporter at the Kansas City Times office who writes with cqual rapidity with either hand. He is an anibidexter, and a bold, bad onc at that. Whcn there is a rush of work at the ofiSce, and the dcvil is 6houting "coppee" like a fiend incarnate, this useful reporter sits down at his desk in full compaDy front, and with pencil in each hand, slingsoff local happenings by the yard. He writes on two sheets at once, and don't let his right hand know what his left hand is driving at ; but it's driving all the same. Yestejday he got b little off his mental base and atWtJfea t0 write up a dog fight and a wedding in high life at the same time. Be got things mixed. His hands ran clear away with the gray matter in his skull, and things became terribly confused. This is the way his items telescoped each other : "At Grace churoh last night the nuptials of Mr. Thomas Johnson and Miss Julia Lawrence were celebrated in most magnificent style. A costly floral horseshoe being directly over the altar, and when the yellow cur saw the flamea of anger darting trom the eyes of the brindle fyste, he opened with the impressive strains of the wedding march. As the handsome couple walkcd down the aisle the excited crowd began to get frantic, and there were yells of 'sick 'em Buil,' 'at him now, Towser,' as the spectators became interested in tho fight. The bride was elegantly attired in puro white garments of the most costly fabrioa, and she woro the traditional white veil aud wreatu of orange blossoms, had him by the neck, and his tonguo began to loll out and his eyes to turn somersaults as if in the customary black suit, white gloves, ears oropped close to his head. Ho was a disreputable looking dog in the beginning and ought to have been whipped for being so homely. "He is of good family, and is engaged in ono of tho most extensivo manufacturiug enterprises in the west, but the yellow cur seomed to be getting the advantage, as he had now succeeded in fjetüng a death erip on the throat of the big brindle, ;ind when he tendarly kissed tha bride, according to the ancient custoni, his back was covered with mud, and his off hind leg was terribly chewed up. Among the costly presents received by the happy pair were a fine grand piano from the father ot the bride, hair had been scalded from his back, and one eye seemed to have been debtroyed by au auger. "After a short biidal tour the happy pair will scttle down to one of the hardest toiight battles the reporter had ever witnessed, and it was difficult to teil which dog had been punished worst. Ihe nht ended at exactly 4:58, after having boen bitterly contested for an hour and a hult were Jriven to the residencc of the bride 8 párente-, and he was taken to his owner s home in a wheel-barrow. He will probably never recover, and if ho does will be totallv blind. Hesitles being permanently lame in tho left hind log, tho beautitul bride received the congratulations of a host of friends. The groom is one of our most promiainU young inen, and his owner dreads the poasibility of loMiig him. Ihe father of the bride is one of our wealtlnest merclumts, and the yellow fyste hmped off with a knowing look m nis eye, and a saucy curl in his teil, as muoh an to wiy, 'Who else wants to try me t I Th.; iinbidexÉer mm itowaanly hred.


Ann Arbor Courier
Old News