His Own Funeral

At a republican jolliBeation meeting in Clarinda, Iowa, Mr. L. B. Cke, a young denioorat of I'age eounty, was observed in the audience, and being draggcd out deliv ered himself as fbllows: Kki.i.ow Citizens:- AÉMM usually at Uiids hiíi own funeral, bul t is not oxpectci he should talk a great deal. I knew the funeral ceremonies, would go on withou me, so I concluded I would Uring in the body. 1 Laughter. Hut H takes a graat deal of BIM to sustaiu a man who helps furnish the corpso for an occasion like this. Ltughter.] Xobody but a deinocrat has had r. chanca to try it for the last twenty years. Disappointment ia the modern democratie birthright and niourning his normal condition ; they took out a patent on diiastev twenty years agn, and it has never leen infringed. The patent run out in S"C, and they havejust got itrenewed. Lood upplause. Looking over tho landsoape for the past twenty yoars I behold acres and acres of busted hopes, cords and cordsof disgruntled ambitions, barrels and barres of unavailing tears, oceans and oceana strewn with the wreek of phantom ships once burdened with democratie delusions. Disappointment is an anohor to the democratie soul both sure and steadfast. . ('ontinued applause.j l.inves have one time to fall, Aud flower U willior In the north .wind s Ijreuth, And star to set. but all, O, demoora!. Tliou liast all l.mes for thiae own ilealli. I might say with Shylock, sufloramv, yea, BI ï'KKR anee a the badge of'onr tribe. 1 i'ould give you 3_'O reasons for tlutt. A lawyer offered a jtdgo lfi rea.nons whv his cliënt was not in ciuil : l'irst, be was dead. The judge tulil hitii be miKht oniit the otber 15. The first reason of the 329 is wi larked the v)ters. [Laughter. ] You will allow me toomit the other 328. liut l could give you 329 reasons. Yes, Mofey letter. John Kelly did it with his little racket. Wade Hampton's mulé broke bis leg instead of his neck, and Hen. Hill wasn'tborn a mate. English had forecloned li is mortgages and we couldn't rodeein. Then- Tis th" BOiltll tllat OM9 supply Sntld conifDrts wtifii w die. Loud laughter.] Tn some states the mvt'iiliack party feil through a crack in their platform and crippled us. Hut de mocracy still lives. It'a likc the mule, it never tiies. Hut unfortunately, liko the mule, vhilo it lives it is forever throwing its riders. ( Applause. ] It hunked jireeley off and kicked him in 1S72. Tilden sluok on until he passed under the wirc, but there was m mnch daylight between him and this democratie quadruped the judges counted him off, although ho liad bis (Eet in the stirrups. This year we got a splcnlid send off and might hare' won, but the lonkey w= '-:tV down in Indiana with not be continued in our next. We accept defeat the more cheerfully becausc of the nagnanimous manner in wiiich you take he victory. We take it every four years. t is a standing prescription. It might well be called the quadrennial ipecac. It works up before election and works down as the returns come in. We thank you br the unanimous way in which you have urned out to our funeral. We congratuate you on the magnificent and imnopinc