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The Long Island Heathen

The Long Island Heathen image
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In the recent discover on Long Island of a cornmunity of full blown heathen, the boasted civilization of the nineteenth century has received a severe shock. Right under the nose of the foreign niissionary society paganism rears its horrid se'ven story front. A man from the Seventh Ward, New York, was over the Island last week, and while leaning on a fish-cart interviewed one of the elderly and most respectable of the down-east heathen. When the old animated mummy fetched to in his starboard taek to windward, the Seventh Ward man accosted him. "Why don't you have some churches in this locality?" he inquired. "What's them?" "Places to worship God in." "GodlV This with a profane accent which suggested that the old duffer had heard that word before. "Yes, God. Did you never bear of him?" "Well, I've heard the calm diggers use the word when the tide was up, and sometimes the fisherman when they'd made a poorhaul." "Who do you suppose God is?" "Suppose! I don't suppose nothing at all about it 'cause I doĆ¼'t know nothiDg aboutit. Do you?" The Seventh Ward man took his pip out of his mouth and spat on the shing ly shore. "How old are you?" "Goingon seventy-two." "Support a family?" "Two on 'em - my own and son-in law's." "Have you a Bible n the house?" "Something like i gil] net?" "No; the word of God written byth twelve apostlos. Ever hear about Pete the Great?" "Naw." "One of the apostles; drove Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden with a sword, and afterwards caught colored man named Pontius Pilate anc slit his ears." "What was his number?" "Whose number?" "Thtpilot s." 'Didn'thave any number. What do you mean by that?" "All the pilots on this coast have a number. Thought perhaps I might kno.v him." "Don'tyou have any schools herep" "Had a kind of a school here last chowder season, but tbe teacher was too willing." "Howso." "Some of the blue fishers asked him if he taugbt that tbc world was round or square, and he said seuin' as how he was outer a job he'd teach her round or. square, just as the school board wanted it teached. Said it was inmaterial.' ' "Never have any Sunday school?" "No." "Dig clams on the Sabbath?" "If the tide's down." "What would you do if they should send some preaehcrs over here?" "Sell 'em some clams." "What would you do if a missiouary should come over from Brooklyn anl build a nice big house to preach in?" "Dit codflshiu it." "Did you ever hear of heil?" "Only when Capt. Skidmore talks of New Jersey." 'Where do you expect to go when you die?" "Go to piecets." "Well, all I've to say, old man, is that we propose to send over some civilizers and evangelical fertilizers from New York, and - " "From New York?" murmured the old man. "Yes, from New York." The old man moved a few paces down the down. Then he paused and looked again at the Seventh Ward man attentively. "From New York?" This in a surprised, querulous tone. "Why, yes. What are you driving at?" "Ha! ha! Shepherd's fold. Starving widows and children, he! he! Boss Kelly, crime, blood, and corruption! Evangelical fertilizers! ho! ho! and all from New York! It makes me tired," and with several weird, sepulchcral chuckles, the old heathen ambled up the dusty, white and clam-shelled road.


Ann Arbor Courier
Old News