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Nasby

Nasby image
Parent Issue
Day
13
Month
August
Year
1884
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Confedérate X Koads, i í Wlch is ia the State uv Kentuckyl, ¦ July, 1S84. 1 The noose of the nominaheu uv Cleveland forthe Presidency by the Dimekratic Nashnel Oonvenshun at Chicago reached the Corners by mulé expr;ss from the stashen t Seeessionville. To say that the noose evoked the profoundest sensashen s puttin' it altngether too mild. The hom was tooted from the front of Bascom's grosery, and at the summons the oitizens uv the corners rallied at the nieetin' house and we organized ourselves towunst into a ralilication nieetin.' I took the chair, ez a matter uv courseand Issaker Gavitt wnz yoonaiwiuusly appinted Sekretary, he bein' theonly citizen uy the Dimekratic persuasión in the Corners wich hez the gift uv 'litin,' 'ceptiu' myself, and uv course I cau't be President and Heckretaiy uv the saine meetin.' The follerin' resolooslien waz to-wunst submittid. Resolved, That tlie Diinocrisy uv Confederit Xlloads hev heered with mingled emoshuns uv pleasure and gratitood uv the noininashun uv that sterlin patriot and world-renovvned statesinau, Cleveland, uv - The re ensood at this pinta most okkerd pause. "What State is Cleveland from?" enquired the Cheermau uv the Committy on Resolooshuns. "UvNoo York," I answered promptly. The blank wnz filled in wen unforchinitly it was sejeitid that ez the resolooshens wuz agoin out to the world it would be decent to put in his fust name, and not oue uv us knowed wat it wuz. Deekin Pogram insistid that it must be Androo. "The fust vote I cast for a Deuiokrat for President," he remarkt, "wuz for a Androo, Androo Jaxon, and the last Dimokratic President we lied wuz another Androo, Androo Jonson. This man, Clevelaud, liis name must be Androo.'' And so it went into the resoloosheus " Androo Cleveland." I diskivered a diffikilty the ininii I red the platform. Deekin Pogram is, and allus hez bin, a violent free-trader, while L-suker Oavitt iz, and hez biti, a violent pertectionist, ever sence he sekoored a interest in a rollin mili wich sum Easteru capytalists establisht on his father's farm. I supposed, however, that I hed 'em both tixed. I red it to 'em separately, and constrood to Issaker that nothing could lie more peiteckshun, and to the good old Deekin that it wuz ez wildly free trade ez even he cood desire. The platform wuz red by myself and we proposed another resolushen approvin that. Then ti ubble ensood. Dekin Pogram, wich is a violent free trader, riz to remark that he oood vote tor that platform with his whole hart and solé. He hed bin a free trader all his life and he never knowd a Dimekratic Convention to plant itself so cleerly and explicitly on the eide uv free trade seuce he li(-(l bln in pollytix. Is.-aker Gavitt riz to say he cood vote for the taritl' plank with all his hart, becoz that plank showil that Ihe Diinocrisy hed tially got right on the tarift' questkm, the plank, az he red it, bein for the protecshun uv American indnstry. It wuz encuridgin to them, wich believed in progress and s-ich, to hev the Dimocrisy uv tiie Nashen rise ontothis most iniiortant pint. " Do you peltend to wj that the DimOcratic platform tavors pertecshuny' shreeked the Deekfn. " Kz it wuz red to me, t iz for free trade, pure and simple." " Yoo old ass, can't yoo undertand plane Kiiirlish? El" it isn't a quare toed pioteckshun dockyment I can't spell. Yoo are a fooi and alluz uu..'' Jist then the Deekin, in the interest ut liMiuiony, aniiounst bl iutenshun uv vvhaliu Issaker and proceeded to do it. and ez the old man alluz did hev muscle ther wuz the prospex uv a lively row. He jumped across the seets to the Secretary's desk and lied Issaker by the throte, and Iísaker hed him by the liair wher it is the shortest, ind tliey wuz a rollin on the floor in less'n no time. In the mean time Bascom and Kernel M'Pelter bed gut luto a tu.zle ez to what tb platform maant on the moneyquestion, aud the rest uv the eltlaens jfot into a squabbln ez to whetlier Cleveland wuz a Dimekrat at all or not, beeoz Tammany opposed him, and the upshot nv the blzniz wuz ther wuz i row wlefa ncloodid every Dimekrat present exeept me, and we broke up without passin any ïesolooshens or nitifvin the nominashen at all. Deekin Pogram and I retired to the back room uv BtHom'j, and whilethe old Saint wuz a washin the blood orf hisfaee, we hed a convei'saehen over Ihe platform ?" "Parson," sed the old man, " whal is the reel meen In uv the platform?'1 "Anything yoo ike," wuz my reply, "anything yoo like. Iïe nember it's a Dimekratik platform, and a Dimekratik platform must be comprehensive." "Does U mean free tiade or pertekshun ?" " Either or botli, or neither.1' "Parson, wuuslon a time au ikcstilan attempted the pcrilus feet nv ïïdin two i.o,.s. wci, wuz ., „0n iu (litl1M.Mir direckshuns. It resultiil in a totle failyoor, and he wuz split in two. umi his blood drenched the arena." "' Deekin, I recoguize the parable. But you must reinember we aiu't ridin two liosses, jist uow. We hev only promistd to ride em. We hev not yit got into the saddle. We hev promised to ride the pertekshun hoss and likcwUe the free tl ade hoss, but we don't hev to get oiito em till alter the November elekshun. Tlie post offises and cuatom houses are then sekooi ed and after that we kin ride either ho.a, or neither, ez we see lit. The mane pint is to git the offlses. After that we will take our chances with the people. We git four yeer' lease uv power, anyhow. Do you see ':" "Principie?" sed the Deekhi, inquirlugly. ¦' Mi principie, my deer old friend, is to hev the post offls at the Corners. Yoors shod be to "t yoorself waim In theCollector's offls. See?" The Deekin did see, and within ilve minits he wuz inoppin the blood trom his face on the streets, and hoorayiu tor Cleveland and the platform. A similer conveisasheu with Issaker Gavitt perdoost similer results, and at eleven at nite they wuz both sleepin the sleep uv a gallon uv whiskey on the floor at Bascom's. "Dimekratic harmony ! " rernarkt Basconi, sniilinly, to wioh I assented. I can't understand why voters don't understand Dimekratie Convenshuus better. Wat do I keer for platforms anyhow ? I like tb is platform espeshly, for it is so constructid that Watterson, uv Looisville, wich is Free Trade, and Kandall, ot Peinsylvany, wich is High Pertective Tarlff, kin both stand on t, embracin eech othcr in harmony. It is so worded that Watterson will support t iu Keutucky, ez a dennind for reform in the tarifl', with a lceuln toward Free Trade, and Kandall will support it ekally in Pennsylvany, becoz it is fur reform in the taritf, with a decided leenin to Perteckhun. I hev red that plank keerfully, and I defy any one to perdoose a man uv any shade uv opinyun, wich I can't soot out uv that platform, pervided I know wat the man desires invariublj' in advance. It will be a rather diflikilt campane to fite, becoz our speakers will hev to prepare a speech for each State tjiey go into. Iowa aud Wisconsin will ïfquireoue kind uv a speech and Pennsylvauy and ühio quite another. Pledgin sekoority to the nigger can't be dwelt upon very lively in Looisiana and Mississippi, and they will hev to be ruther keeiful dodgin between Southern and Northern Georgia on the tarifTquestlon. But a man wich hezn't sense enull' to write three or four speeches and to make proper inquines afore heopens his niouth ez to wat the people want, in any given locality, don't deserve to be employed by a Dimekratic Centrel Conimilty. Sich a man is not to be trusted. All that is needed in a speaker is great powers uv constinksheu.- Tuledo Blade. (Construer )

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Subjects
Ann Arbor Courier
Old News