Old Hunker's Sister-in-law Speaks Her Mind

Ann AiiBL'it, September 21, 1885 ana domeny Mr EditüR:- A sein in yer last ishur yoa lampun the "ld Hunker" wlio is lliur talking mersliene ov tlie post, ye don jest writ. What doz that old fooi want ter be ram in inter Dt'trit trry week fur an levin hiz family hum to du Uier wurk on ther farm wliile he is down thur a meillin in polertix in whops Gruver Klevlnnd will pint liim a posishun az a demokrat skaringer tu ther white house, an az yu sa wliat doz ther post pnblish it tur an pivether huil thlng a waf Now Mr. (Jcrior 1'mja lone wlder, but that old Hunker talk jest like my late lamentid huzbanda brother Hank, w'iu woz dmv a wa fruni Multop's korners fur Itlkln hls n z in evry bodiz bizniz. Y, tu hear Hank tawk yu wud think lie wazov mor konsiqenc than Billy Mabary. He wud go out tu ther barn and talk tu the horeez until they were sic; quarl with ther hogs about eatin tu mutcli, an then kum intu ther lious an quarl with bil dotiful wife, kauze she let the childrun go al ther wa tu Sunda ekull with their shoze on insted ov makin them go barfuted until they got tu sqire Tompkins, jest this side thur church. Yes, hez ther won whu is a plain posutn under a fiktislius name dowu tu Detrlt evry wek. Now, Mr. editer, let me uz your kolurus to make a last peal to Old Hanker who I kno is Hank. It must be ther long lost Hank, who left us so sudently. Oh, my beloved bruthernaw az ye love yer wife, as yer love yer poorold mutherinnaw, who watched over you when yu had wone on yer spelz, as yer love yer pour lone wlderd sisterinnaw, stop er makin afule of yer self and lev politix alone. If yer hav got to talk talk about. edication and thur Unervarsity combiniishun, and az yer hav always got yer noz in every thing teil na a bout sendn prof. Dugey to yourup to edicate hiniself at publiek expenz. Teil us wliat writ he haz tu draw wages when ther, water worx men kant get decent wages tu suport their little children runlu a wround bar futed with their fathers butes on, let a lown edicatin them so they kan read the 10 comandmints fur them selvz, but tu take sum bodiz word for it. O i wish i kud talk likc yu, Hank, fur I kno yu ar Hank. Yu kant ful your old lonly widerd giaterinnaw, fur i'm ontu yer quiker than a green dog ontu a skunk. Yes, Uank or Hunker, you are smart, yc kot It frora our families when you marid mi sistur, the pour thlng. What she kuld se about yu tu want tur marry fur, iz more than i kun teil. Yu air to lazy to farm It and maik a sucksess ov it, and you air tu much ov a talkur tu be a sucksess In polertix, fur yu give evry thin awa yer talk er bout an yu aint wone of them nisc litle dudes (O aint thay luvly). Yer fete air to bij; an got barnikils on them ao yu kudnt walr them nise pinted shoze. Now Henry you kno Mr. Tomsin, who you kall ñames like the new fangled language Mary Jones lamed when she wuz down est, had ot tu have yu sent up fur slandur, and if yu wazn't such a poor kus an such notoris lier that no wone kan belive ye, i belev he would enigh weigh. Now Hi-nry, whlch is in disgiz, stop befor them lióse paper men get you inter trubll. Yu no yer falin, yer pour father waz a demerkrat an ye kno he had em befur he dlde, and fust thing yer no them nosspaper fellere will fech wone of them spells on yer an yu"ll hav em, & fust thing yu no yer will be under ther boss Miner with owt a chance tur strike in ther pólice kort. Now my long lost brotherinnaw kum back tu us,kLm back to yer pour old inotherinnaw who used to wolop you fur yer own gud when yer went to thur korners and cum hum with wone of yer spells, kum bak tu your poor lonly wlderd sisternnaw who iizecl tu kum over five times a week a purpose to glve yer gud advise. Now mi beloved brohterinnaw i'm no talker but have only a fue words to sa on eny subject, kum back to us an stop medlin in politix. From your poor loving lonly widowetl sisterinnaw,