Sam Jones At Chicago

"What is faitli? Home think it isa kind of attitude in whicli one bas hands and moutli open to catch something that the Lord will pitch at tliem. [Laughter.] They will say: "Lord, give me something. I don't know exactly what 1 want, but give mesomething, I don't care what itis." [Laughter.] It look to me as f tlieir wliole Chrisiianity had gone into a whistlu whirli was doing nothing but blowing. It's just like tlirowing the dinner on thu Hoor and wrapping the tableeloth nround a fellow, telling htm that lie had a nice dinner. [Luughter.] I would not give the snap of my iinger for ttie kindoffaith that is doing nothing but uiting for God to do Romcthing," said Mr. Jones with a contemptuous gesture and a snap of .his tingers. "A man that bas such faith will end in ;i chain-gang or in a poor house. I pray for sweet potatoes, hut I lind them at the end of my hoe handle. f Laughter.] I pray for corn, and I tind that it wilt grow after a good deal of plowing. But just look at tlits cllow." Here Mr. Jones began ëcratchinjr hls bead with one hand wbilo he put the other in his pocket, assuniing a kiii'l of listless attitude. "Lord, give me something." "Well, wliat?" "I don't know, but give niesomething." [Great laughtor.] "ITI say to my boy, 'Paul, go and fetcli me a bucket of water and I will give you 10 cents,' he will tiot believe in the dime until he sees it. That's human nature the world over." Tlien the speaker began a lengthy homily upon true faith, beliig time and" ngain interrupted by the laughter of his au.lieuce, especial ly when he clted the examinaron scène in heavi-n from Ingersoir "Mistaket of Moses." Wlien he had deCritted how one of the two men examined had been ordered a harp, and tlie other had been dispused of by turning up the lid of the li re box and pitcliing bim in uead foremost, there was a roar of liiughter that brokc out ag.-iin and again, he Uien, in a graphic manner, and with appropriate gestures, described what Chriatiaii loTe and the love from on high meaos. He protested agaiust any orthodoxy in his religión. "God knoeked the orthodoxy out of Peter 1,800 years ago," lie said. "Then the Jews couldn't sec how God could save a gentile, and now, after 1,800 yt-ars. we are heie and can not see how God cao saveaJew. [Laughter.] What is mm' orthodoxy? Noth ng ee but a fisliing pole and line. If a feliow is eterna] ly rixing on his tackle how's he ever going io catch tisli? [Laughter.] The trouble with the preachers in Chicago istlial tliey iliink God loves a Christian better than lie does a sinner, a church memher better thao n barkeeper. [Lmghter.] If we put the thing in the right light we would understand that Clirist died because God loves us. Whtttcver man may have, if the spirit of love is wanting he misses eveiything." Mr. Jones levelled his right fore finger at a man in the gallery and said: "A man can never be worth much to others so long as lie sits up with himself. A man with 175 [ Oiinds of concentrati d selfishness has got a big job on his hand to get ilirougli this world. [Laughter.] If there is anything incompatible with Christianity it's sel flshness. The grandest man in Chicago is the unseltish man- he who tares least for himself and loves all mankind. Why, I know a llttle preacher down south who doesn't think any more of himself than he does for a dog This grand little man spends all his time think'ng how he cao do somelhing for his poor fellow creatures. The rirst duty of a Christiiin is to get out of the wny and look after the welfare of others. 'Uere is old Bruther A. He can't tlnd enoutrh words in the Knglish language to condemn daucing; yct the brother is loaning money at 30 per cent. interest. [Liughter] Here is another man who says that his chuich is going to destructlon. He doesn't loau money for the reason that he hasn't any lo Joan; bul you strike np a trade with' him and he'll clean you out every time. [ Applause and laughter.] I tcli you. my brethren. if all the eliuich members in this city were put into a bag rad shaken up it would be misrhty bard to giuss whiih would come out lirst. [Lond laughter] I was talking witu a minister this afternoon and heasked me: "Jones, how do you expect to he saved ?" I toM him that I was a penitent sinner and that I had been tighting on the penitent line for the past H years. If you aak me why God did not save Chicago 10 yoars ago I will teil you thai it is because the hinches of this city do not take care of the meiobers they have al ready secured. It is mercy that keeps God from coovictlng every sinner in Chicago. Isn't that so, Brother McI'lieiMin ? [Asseoting grimt from the group of clergymen.] Now, suppose God should swoop down here eome day - [laugliter]- and strike every backsliding sinner blind. Do you think there would be enough people left to take their unfortunate fiiends home? There were nearly 6,000 peals of laughter at this sally, and a bald-headed man sitting near the reporters' stall was so conyulsed with langhter that his spectaoles teil (rflhis lióse. "I know lots of preachers whose sole aim is to many tlie living nul buiy the dead. f Laughter.] A revival incan8 this: You take au engine i unniog on the road to St. Louis. Every time she returns to either terminus of the road she is rol led into the shops, where her bolts are tighteued and her machiot'iy pollshed up. But tl)e time comes wlien the engine fails to makc schedule time. Theo the machinery is taken to pieces and thoroughly overhauled. Now ihat engine is just like people wbo attend reviváis. They will make trips here ev ery day for two wei'ks; but aftr a while the revival ia removed to some other city aiul then they begin to fail to make schedule time. Then another revival comes long and God takes tliem apart, overhauls thcir machiiK'ry aud tightens their bolts. If he ilkln'l do this the devil would get away with them io short order, for the devil can run a mile while you are pulliugon your boots. Laughter.] You know that, don't you, old feller? (l'ointiug to a gray-halred old man wlio was laughing so Imartlly that his eyes seemed ready to c roep down his cheeks.) "I once knew a steamboat down sotlth that wns not much larger thau a dry goods box, but it had a steam wliistle as large as any you ever saw on th Mississippi river. But every time the eogmeer blcw the whistle the boat gtapped, because all the iteam had been used uu in making the nolse. [Laughter.] Now tbat reminds me ot a good man y Ctirlstians who re all whistle, who make lots of noise, and who stop right tüere." [Applause and stamping of feet In choir.] "I believe in hclplng your preacher. He noeds your aid. Ministers can't make 2:40 time on wbeat straw. [Laughter.J 'J'licy must have oats. fLaughter.] Tliey muat lmve your help. I hate to see a poor preacher in the shafts tugglng away with hia tongue lolling out and Míe churcli utled up 10 fect deep fn the wagon. [Laufthter.] Why don t you get out and pull the cait yourself? It will look a good deal better. There Isn't a preacher in tlils town who would want his churcli duplieated on hia liands. Of conree there are soine good tnembers but there are also Iota of bad ones. "And there ia anotber tliing we want. We want more ajmpathy between man aml man. Here is a poor drunken fellow who joins tlie cliurch. Here are two Pharisecs who come to the minister and say that they are sorry to see that such a disreputable cliaracter has been taken into the fold. Then the Pharisees set to work to drive the drunkard out of the church. All tbis comes to the ears of the poor sinncr and he gives up all hope of reform. Beveral days later the Pharisees see the sot stacrgeritir alon on the opposi(o side of the street. 'Look at hitn," says one Pharisee to the other, 'didn't I tèll yon he couldn't reform?' rt'hy, brethren, I had rather have that dninkard's chance of going to heavoii than those of tho backbiting, carping Pharieees. [Tumultuous applause. 1 We want more of the inilk ot human kindness. Let Methodists go over info the tough green pastures of the Presbyterlans - paughter] - and let Presbyterians eed on tho soft, short grasa in the Methodist pasture. [Laugliter.] There oujrbt not to be any cross tences in the Lord's field. [Laughter.] This idea of one set of people buildinj; a fencc iround tbem, and refuainif to let down one rail to save the res-t of mankind from heil is all wronfr. [Applause and laughter.] If a Newfoundland dog oame to me with the indorsernent ofliavi'.g saved 5,000 sinnors, I would take h lm into my house and let liim lie on tlie best mat In the parlor. Let's go to work for others."