Voices On The Road

[Scène - A117 cnr of an y train 011 any line. I'assentfera of the usual variety. Trainhands ditto.] Conductor - Tickets! Fiilgety FiMiiali-, l'n.'aó Party, Tired ïniveler, Stnpid Bfcrn({r (puiling condmtor's aleeve, talla, arm, trour) - Wliut time do we get lato Jerseyville? reach the jonctlOD? top tor lunch? cliange cars? Conductor (ex trica t Ing liimself calraly but 8:46; '2:lü, 1M; not at all, Bir. Solcmn Pilgrim (witli cxpircd pass)- This- ah - document Conductor (gathering in same)- Is no gond, sir! Fair, piense! 8. P. - I'm on iny wnv, yonng man, to ft Conductor (reaciiing for bell-rope) - But you won't gct there unluss [Pilgnm paya and subsidei, alter exprMliag hopos tliat coiidm tor may bo saved, allhough he fears lio won't bc] lirakuinaii (froni door) - Skivockomogomokwop! Verdant Vovucrors - I can't undcrstand what he says. (As it l menot you nhould, poor innocentn!) [Brakemao sxita, dammlDg door witb great rlolanoe. Train Htnp.] VoicM (oiitsido)- Well, good-byo, dcar! Pou't (orgetl If vou neSadie teil her what I sai'l about- - Besare and rite? Ooodbye! Well, good-tyre! Oood.bvo! Goodbyo! Oood-b Conductor- All aboard! Ilurry, please, misa! [Enter blnahing beauty, with an inflnity of bagg, bundies, shawl-stnips, etc] Chorus (outside) -Gooilbyo, deur! [Train starts.] Cross Celibato- Tliank goodnes s, that'a over! Virulent Virgin- I think Uieae clnts ol girls ought to be Mauher (admiringly ) - By Jove, isn't sho a daisy? l'll change my seat and see ii- - [lle-enter brakeman, slamining the door, of course. ltattlps stove, noisily pokes fire, shuts stove with trcuicndoua crash.] Several Passengere- I say, how long befora wo - - Brakeman - Duniio noth'n 'bout t. More FuBsennera - Can jou teil rao Brakeman - S'aw! Sonje lloro - IIow do I gct to Brakeman - Nopl Yet Other - I tho ncit station [Brakeman noes out without answering, not forgetting to slum the door.] The Engioe- Toot! Toot! Oinnee- What's that? A washoutl A hrUïtre downl Cboru- Porhaps thero'8 A bmki-n ruil: A c(iv un tli track ! Gloomy Gentleman - Thoy gay morepeoplo are killed on thin road - ApprehenHive Pcreon- It wat right here, you know, that that drasdful accident - I'osted Party- It'a oul a crossiufi;. [l'nivirsul relief.] FoolUh Travolor- Look here, conductor, conductor, how many mileu to Nincvuh Ctaterf Conductor- K you keep on as you're jroinu, a bout 1,000- uil round tho world. You're tnivelintr riht uway from iti FooUkh Travil.r Why did'nt you teil mcï Conductor - I'ui áoiug it now. Ilrakeman (howling) - Bobanopaaolnixtr! [Train stops. Enter briilal couplo, who are at imco recognjzéd aH lach by evcrj vi oirían in car.] Feminine Seml-Chorui ttj itars! AVuIt, l'd havo tboaght twice bctorc mairyias thut man! 8h' oldei tlmn ba, I know! Ia that B t:iilnr made dreM? Ariyhow tliu eollar must bfl interlinea wlth cin-as - or Uiay be it'b wig'hiy;. Slie vw:um lit.-. 1 Ui positiva! n, KiHy, dd yon nvor see a. ¦kirt draped that i bef'ore? Slie ÍHn't a ;É prctty, I tliinl;! Full l'Vmiiimo (.'horim - Wonder who thcv aro! [Couplo, laboriously UDCOOSOÍOU8 oí oborvatiun, net-ure suuta.] Brido (tenderly) - Cioorge, are you vory íery sure yon aron't Borrj tliat you - Groom (moro so) - Sorry, you angolio, bk'Hai'il littlo - - ¦ liiide (sufforing relapso)- ISut to think oí Wuvingdear papa and m. nimia, and ¦ Groom (applyitig cuetoraarv remedy) I [a ven't you me '.' Bride (chrerlng np)- Yes, dnrlinf- and then, altee all, mamma say ihe'U come net full and ipend the wfaola winter with 118 . (iroom- Tho dickens slip does! Tartal eclipse oi lioneymoon.] [IltTüaftor cúter artsortud hmuíiiiity.] A. II. (all and singular)- So I stepped to tho footlp;ht8 and said- thasli t ol' fel, ['m a pershon of trush 'n v'rash'ty- and I struck tho houso tor ten dollars a day expenses- put my mouoy in tho Thirteenth nrul got a majoritr - all wool and a yard wld- Jal told lluriy (lint if slie ever caught liim walkinp; with Bella sbe'd - Iti him ten yurds start and beat htm - but he naiil befora Ue'd Hottle onthoae terma - lie'd take a coosulship anywhere sxcepl in- tho outfield to cover second - until Wickey fought him down- and we (ind both t them in- oil at C.si, -lor I'U preaoh next Sunday - Beven teen toet under water- righl in among tlie Erie crowd- beat up undor close-reefed canvas - to Ludlow treet jail - and perhaps hire a room thore for the