Wanted

A ilampor to check a sight draft. A mortga;e tliat is not u lien. The face of a Dote to shave. Postage slamps Ibftt wlll do their iluty without befng llcked. The erown of a hill with the foot of a moiintain to boot. A pea that will always write to tlie point. A new deflnlttoo for ]stol besiik-s son of a gun. Soiiii'tliinjí to preserve the solé of a shoe to the last without welling t A pions printer without u devil. A new booU that is not bound to geil. A pointer from the linter of fate. A (lurk of a man who does not raake a goose of a hiisband. Some jokes to crack that ara not chestnnts. Tbere is a story told of a Yorkshlreman, we belleve, who said a goose was a íoolish bird - "too tnuch for one, but not enough for two." But this is capped by aiiother. The scène was at Avlgnon, la France. 'lJ5y my iaith," said the President of the Tribunal to an interesting auditor, "we have just hnd s snperb turkey, tender as a chicken, fat as an ortolan, aromatic as n thrush. 15y my faith, we left nothing but its bones." "And how many were there of you ?'' inquired the curious hearer. "Only two!'' answered the gourmet, with a self-complacent smile. "Only two!" ejaculated the simple auditor wiüi ainnzement. "PreClsely so," the luwyer answered. "Only two. There was myself, and there was - the turkey." To cali a laundress a " bosoui friend" Is irony, and should be enough to impel her to cuff and take the starch out of the rude fellows who collar ñames. The last report from Hawaii fhnws