What It Means To Be A Vag

"Gentleman," sai. I a man to a gr -np of u-u t a local hotel tmr Ute U' nighi ; gentleman, I uel to drink mrf If," h' lie spe aker looked op t the roi of botles until the logwood port wint se med I 0 bluh a d.-eper red. The Bmi hd I nonth's growth of wliiskers, his clo'l 3 onfisted moslly of holes drnpcd wiih ng, and lie looked genertilly like b lilicl on a scare-crow. 11 id nervw scrured htm a drink, and when he poured it out He arkeeper asked him if lie tltUMtri ' iir-piom was n Imtli foundry. ' Gents," coiitiiiued tho tramp, ' 1'in i wreck; I collided wit.li oíd benzine, and lere I am- ue-ause nll the otlier places are rlosed up.'' "The ni'Sesof eople in all the otber places told tlieir owuers you were corang, thal's the reaaon you didn't cali auywhere elíe, I suppose," said the artist beïind the bar. " You ought to be a tramp," said the vag; "lote of fun, don't make any difference wliethcr you gvt a square nieal or ;et arrested. I started out In Ufe as a awyer. After six months yon bet I qult. Wel, I took to trampln.' When I started ut, gente, this coat was a ricli blu', but ts green now, logwood dled you know. Quena my noe is logwood dyed Trom the Krt wine you keep," he sld to the barLeeper; "one nl(?ht slnce I've been doin' lie country I crawled into a barn. It was dark and I was tired. I jes' lny down in a spot where I knowed the liay must be pretty thick. I must have slept live or slx hours when all or' a sudden cents, excuse these tears. Me an' Freedom weaps easy now. I'll never furgit that barn." "Wliut, did the barn (all on you?" "No, a horee did. Gents, I found I had been suarin' my couch with a horsu a bout the fize of Juinbo. 1 started to crawl out of that stall easy-like so as not to disturb the horse when - I guess he must hev woke up sndden. He put both back feet j(d me au' I went clear tlirouj b a carrimíe hoiiBe. Gent's, ef I couldn't hev ]i icil inyseif utl' tur a war map then, I'm nogood.1' "Wlint (Uil the horse have against you, anyway V asked one of the party. "Why, he had bis feet aifln me, wasn't that enoiigL Then anotlier time I 8 iw a irían throw a poisoned bone to a dog. 1 kDOwed the dojf was a goner ef he gnawed that bone. I trietl to jfet that bone away from tle dojf. Then I made up my mind it would be ea6ier to steal the dog trom the bone. 1 tried to walk off with the dog when be turneil on me au' he walked off with part of me. The dog's mater cuni out a'i' he feit so grate ful fur my attentions to his pup that he allowed me to go wiiy with a lot of fait an' pepper he give me out of a shot gun. He asked meet I wnnted the otlier barril an,' I said I wuz no hog; I knew when I had ennufjl'. The n)an lnugbed aD1 sed he had presentid me with the compllments of the ?eason an' I told him I didn't like my seasonln' that way. Gents I know uow how it feels to be a ra, e beef steak an' hev a avalanche of pepper an' salt throwed into you. Another time I went to work fur a circus. They put me to clerkin' on the steam cal 1 pe. I i-t )ked the tire on the dnrned thl.ig. One day while we wuz sailiu' tbrougb atown in the purcosaion a fellow in the crowd SHW me hangio'on tothestearn music-boz an' he run close up to it an' sez to the musiciaii, 'Say what'sthat bundle of rags on the masheen fur; to grease her up?" meauin' me, of course. I turned round to try an' give that fellow one. The musician was just tootin' the stuffln' out of a medley when rip-bang! au' the masueen bloweil up. I was blowed up so f uil of iiiuslc that fur three days four doctors pried musical uotes an' bars out of mv svstetn. They said ef I wouk allow Vin tbey'd tie a steam biler im' gome piuniier keys onto me au' scoot me arouml the country sliowin' me as tlie 'greatliviu' steum pianner." " It woulil be easy o.nmijjh to take a whisky bar out of yoursyi-teni now," taid the bar tender; "say, you want to be careful or som e do{ will take you for a bone, you're so tliln." "Well, if any dog does, our friend has poisoned hiiusell so of ten with bad whisky that the dor will bo ure to eet a poisoned bono," eaid the fat man of the crowil. "I must be goin' now, gents. I liev Rome wiitin'todo before retirin' to-nij{ht. I'm writin' a book." "You?" in a cmblned Inquiry. "Yes, me. It'll be a dundy, too. Oll paintin' on each pnjfe.'' "What are you goiugto cali 11?" "America on toot, or gix moutlis without socks," and the tramp skipped in time to avolil another dose of lugwood that woulil have added a atronger tint lo the strungulation olor of hts nose.