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The Art Of Love: "oh Baby, You Gotta Know How"

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You can make me cry, You can make me sigh. Bul you got lo know Itow. Bonnie Raitt "You Got To Know How" The pavón acting and the penan acted upon are different bv virtue of the differente between them, hut there is no differente in their pleamre, becaiise both naturally derive pleasure from the acts thcy perfurm. The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana t least half the people in the U.S. are sexually frustrated, or dissatisfied in some way with the sexual portion of their lives according to the landmark research compiled in the famous Kinsey Report. This is a terrible shame, and a tragic waste of creative, sensual human potential. Sex is a limitless and rewarding area of basic human ex1 perience. an area where creative imagination should be encouraged. Sex is similar to dancing: everyone is born with potential; you ust have to learn some basic moves. Af ter the introductory instruction, all it takes is time, practise, and above all, imagination. Unfortunately, but of no particular surprise given the repressive nature of this culture, sex s seen as dirty and unhealthy, while discussion of sexuality and sexual technique is either suppressed and hidden from our natural and healthy curiosity, or hopelessly warped by ignoramuses who masquerade as "experts." The traditional American sex counselor has been the family doctor or gynecologist. However, medical school trained professionals are often misinformed about all aspects of sexuality, especially female sexuality and gayness. The following quotes from malewritten gynecology texts should serve as ampie warning that doctors may know less about sex than many ordinary folks. Dr. J. Robert Wilson is on staff at the U-M Medical Center. From his text Obste trics and Gynecology: "In the normal sexual act the womaamust allow herself to be conquered oy the male. This entails a masochistic surrender..." From Dr. Thomas H. Green's Gynecology: "If sexual inadequacy on the part of the wife sterns from a fundamental immaturity...or failure to assume the normal adult female role, the gynecologist may be able to help by gradually impartiny to her the nature of make herself available for the fulfillment of her husband's sex drive. ..Only oy assuming this role can a woman throw off childhood inhibitions and taboos." Both the above quoted texts are currently in wide use throughout U.S. medical schools, so it is often a good general rule to be wary of your doctor's sexual advice. "Try a Hl tic tcnüerness.... " Otis Redding "Kama is enjoyment in the sensual realni through the flve senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, aml hearing, ther with the mimi and soul. Kama is the conseiousness oj picasure. Kama is to bc learned Jron the Kama Sutra, the aphorisms oflove. Kama Sutra aving sex is different from making love. As the phrases themselves suggest, haring scx happens to people, like having a hangover, or a flat tire -the actors may or may not be n control of the event. On the other hand. making love s a process of mutual creation and recreation. The process is an ongoing part of the partners' daily lives. Makinq love means creating an intímate nterpersonal space where lovers open up to one another, and discard their shells with their clothes. To make love properiy, as s the case with any important creation, you need the proper tools and skills. These are: tenderness, mutual respect, a willingness to both give and receive pleasure, and time. Few lovers make love to full mutual satisfaction immediately, or even after several frolics in the sheets. Love mak ing is like dancing -partners improve and learn from each other as they become more familiar with each others' moves and preferences. No one should feel like a failure because of one, or several, disappointing"performances." You're not under a spotlight. Learn to talk about making love. Work together. Concéntrate on your own body, your own pleasure, and your partner's body and pleasure. "I miglit drop a hint How to strike my f lint f you learn to know how.... " Bonnie Raitt " who is well acquainted with the science of love and ing hisher own strenglhs, tenderncss, and impetuosity, as wel! as these aualities in the other, should act ingly. The modes of enjoyment are not for all times or persons, or places; they should be employed only at the proper time, with the proper person, in an appropriate place. " Kama Sutra here are but two rules for love-making sex play: try to give the pleasure your partner desires, and communiste to your partner the kinds of pleasure you desire. Everything is permitted. Nothing is wrong. Anything and everything you both, or all, enjoy is healthy. Mak ing love deserves your undivided attention. Take the phone off the hook. Relax. Créate a block of time for making love. There's certainly nothing wrong with quickie sex f you and your partner enjoy it, but the problem with most lovers is too little time as opposed to too much. "You gotta take your time, you know it ain't no crime if it lastsall night." Many lovers enjoy altering their mutual states of consciousness. Marijuana and alchohol in moderate quantity assist many love birds in feathering the ol' nest. However, barbiturates, opiates and alcohol in large quantities make the achievement of sexual ecstacy more difficult, sometimes impossible. Both partners should have that loving feeling. Forced sex of any kind is not love. It is rape. ne regretable outgrowth of our cultural preoccupation with Freudian psychology s the erroneous belief that there are only three distinct and discrete, "errogenous i zones:" the mouth, the ass, and the and that's it. Let the entire body become your sexual playground. Skin everywhere from the crown of your scalp to the bottoms of your feet can enhance loving excitation.. To enjoy love making to the fullest, take care of your body: eat well, rest, and above all, exercise. Many lovers like to exercise together. Water - ing one another's bodies n motion can, tself, become arousing: dancing bicycle riding, scampering about the Arb can all serve as tasty appetizing to'a hot orgiasticmeal. Many lovers like to bathe or shower together before andor after a love feast. Nude body massage is an increasingly popular method of total body stimulation. Don't forget the nipples, fingers, toes, and head, all of which are very sensitive to touch, and warm and cool breath. Be careful about the size and sharpness of your fingernails and toenails. Wonen should iut douche frequently, nor should they use any of the so-called "feminine sprays." These products often unbalance the delicate bio-chemical environment of the vagina, and cause irritation, possibly an allergie reaction. Learn to appreciate your partner's natural ' aroma. Love smells fine. One final word about body awareness: the size of one's penis, ass, or breasts, the lack of or abundance of body hair has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual functioning or pleasure. This myth dies hard. "In the picasure room, dccoraled with jlvwers and fragrant perfumes, they should carry on amusing conversation, and may also talk suggestively of things not to be mentioned in society generally. They may sing, play musical instruments, and persuade each other to drink. " "The one should apply ointment with hisher own hands to the body of the other, sorne pure sandalwood ointment or lotion ifsome other kind. " Kama Sutra ake your love bed senously and equip it for maximum comfort, venience and pleasure.Keep both soft and hard pillows handy, the soft ones for your heads, the hard ones to support backs and pel vises. Mirrors can be great fun, as can candles, music, and colored lights. Keep a towel or some tissue within easy reach for mopping up love's little spills. Skin creams and lubricating ointments have become quite popular. Be careful, however, because many people have sensitive, allergy-prone skin. Make sure you can live and love with your lotion. The cheapest love lubricant is saliva, an easily accessible juice to which few are allergie. Natural vagina secretions are also use ful and fun, though these take time to begin flowing. Adequate lubrication cannot be stressed enough. As a general rule, assume that all non-lubricated internal exploration is painful. Get into the habit of lubricating beforehand, as a prelude to internal stimulation. In heterosex , men are often blithely unaware of the real pain their lovers experíence. Wo men are often reluctant to mention it for fear that their partners will blame them for being "hung-up" or "unresponsive." The solution is: lubrícate before you penétrate anything, and it's often a good idea to lubrícate dur - ing massage. If pain persists, say so, then see a physician. Vibrators are currently becoming a hot item. There are two basic varieties of vibrator: the phallic kind, usually battery powered, which is available in thicker models for vaginal penetration, and thinner models for anal stimulation; and the palm-of the-hand type, usually cord powered, for stimulation of the total skin surf ace. Vibrators are sold at drug and department stores. If you don't see them on display, ask. "Wfiatever things niay be done by one lover to the othcr. the sanie sluntld be returned by the other. " "An ingenious person siould multiply the kinds of sexual cougrvss. " Kama Sutra o unto others what they do unto you. Take turns. There should be no distinction between the "active aggressive" person in a love relat lonship and the "passive submis sive partner. Lovers should trade off giving pleasure and receiving t, taking the lead and being led. Don't be afraid to guide your lover's hand(s), mouth, tongue, andor feet to the sensitive places that excite you the most. Flow with your pleasure, lose yourself n it. Then send your partner nto the pleasure realm, merge into the enjoyment you give. Sit up, lie down, roll around, stand- there's no limit to the number of tantalyzing positions lovers can discover and invent. Everything you both permit each other is permitted. Nothing lovers f ind satisfying is wrong or unhealthy. As always, it is of paramount importance to be familiar with and to respect your partner's idiosyncrasies. If heshe objects to being touched or fondled in a certain spot, stop doing it. Discuss it later, perhaps, if you're really into that move, but don't annoy one another in the heat of passion. There's plenty of time to talk things through after your climaxes. One important reminder as you probe and caress continued on page 18 One word about body awareness: the size of one's penis, ass, or breasts, the lack of or abundance of body hair has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual functioning or pleasure. This myth dies hard. Everyone masturbates,and sexual therapists agree that far from discouraging the tice like many families and religions do, masturbation should be encouraged. So why fight the urge with foolish guilt? Don't sit on your hands-use them! The Art continued trom page 17 your lover's flesh: don't put a finger, toe, mouth or vibrator which has been in or nearby someone's ass into anyone's vagina. The bacteria that nofmally live in a healthy ass can cause infection if transported into the vagina. This need not deter vigorous anal play, however,- you've got ten fingers, why not use them all? Sodotiiy, feüatio, ctmnilingus, pedcrasty, la titer, why do ttii'Se wttrüs soumi set nasty' Masturbathm can he Jan. Juin the hnlv orgv Kuma Sutra. evervane! ■ -Hair veryone masturbates, and sexual therapists agree that far from discouraging the practice like many families and religions do, masturbation should be encouraged. Your own body is a virtually limitless instrument of fun, satisfaction and pleasure. So why fight the uige with foolish guilt? Don't sit on your hands- use them! Lovers can masturbate themselves in private or in each other's presence. You can masturbate one another, or combine selfstimulation with hand-jobbing your partner. Sorne people think that when they become nvolved in an ongoing sexual relationship that they will tose the urge to beat off. They don't; then they feel guilty and confused about it. There's no point to these doubts. Your partner probably has a hand in hisher pants, too. In fact, frequent masturbation isoften recommended for women who do not achieve orgasm as often or as soul-rockingly as they would like, and for men who have lost the ability to sustain an erection through ejaculation. Masturbation n the context of ongoing relationshtps continúes to be satisfying and heavenly. After all, you know exact ly what you like, not to mention your favorite timing and the pressure you prefer. Many lovers find that watching each other masturbate heightens their arousa! and brings them closer. You can also piek up some tips on your partner's preferences by careful observation of hisher masturbation style. When vou love me right You 'il hear me holler, "Oh-ohhli-nivvy' - Bonnie Raitt The appropriate sounds are the cooittg sound, the sound Pliat (the sound of batnboo beiug split), and the sound Phut (the sound of sonietliing faliing into water), and at the end ofcongress, sighing and weeping sounds. - Kama Sutra Have you ever wanted to explode into frenzied laughter when social circumstances forced you to suppress t to a frustrating nervous titter? Love making ideally should be as vocally unrestrained as a soul-jumping belly laugh. Of course, depending mostly on your housing circumstances, andor other-people considerations like housemates or kids, high volume sex play may be more oí less practicable. But even behind thin walls, the sounds of love are music to both lovers' ears. Often this is especially the case durinqoral love, when your partner's eyes are preoccupied elsewhere. If privacy permits, really let go, and whoop it up. See if you don't have more fun. Love making while camping in the wilds is often a good place to romp and holler. Aw, help me, please, doctor, 'm damaged... - Rolling Stones Of Love any people suffer from frustrating, tormenting sexual problems. Among women, a common problem is: "I don't feel anvthing." This problem can be overeóme wíth the aid of (ctritig in Touch, one of the f ive "Yes Books of Sex." Written by women for women, the authors guide a woman stepby-step through a simple process of expioring her own body, learning all thf responsive areas, finding out what feels good, learning to relax and experience pleasure. Masturbation can help any woman have orgasms. Among men, the most common sexual problem is premature ejaculation, or coming too fast. How fast s too fast; It's an individual thing- coming before you and your partner want to shouid be your point of reference. But, You Can l.ast Lottger, another of the "Yes Books" illustrates how to overeóme premature ejaculation. It explains the simple Masters and Johnson squeeze technique with which the famed sexual research team has achieved virtually a 100% "cure rate" for this frustrating complaint. "Yes Books" can be obtained for $1.95 each f rom Multi-Medta Resource Center, 540 Powell St., San Francisco, Cal. 94102. The Free People's Cltnic media room contains a complete set which is available for public perusal. The Clinic has already had severa! "Yes Books" stolen. P lease leave them for other people to use. Ve iwrcr engaged in tliis kind of iliing In-Jon-... -Bob Dylan "Highway 61 Revisited" hts article can barely tickle the surface of human sexuality and sexual plea sure. Where can lovers turn to find life affirming sexual suggestions? The "Yes Books" are a good place to start. The Masters and Johnson books dealing with human sexual response and human sexual inadequacy are difficult to digest because the dynamic duo insist on writing in doctor jargon. However, decent transformations of these books into accessible paperbacks are av-ailable: Ruth and Edward Brecher's.lwrs.v of Human Sexual Response, and Jhan and June Robbins' Anulysk oJ'Hunwi Sexual Inadeiuaey. Neither book s perfect, but both are informative, supportive, and reassuring. Masters and Johnson also have a new one due out later this month, The l'leasure Rond (Little, Brown & Co.) which is supposed to translate the original into more readable tanguage. After these, the sources deteriórate rapidly. The bestseller, The Joy O) Sex, contains some interesting suggestions, but its thorough sexism is difficult to take. It is demeaning to women, and it includes bisexuality in its "problems" section. It is not worth $5.95. The same for most so-called marriage manuals. They generally read like Dear Abby, and inevitably contain such questions as: "Is masturbation physically harmful; how prevalent is it?" both of which are asked and answered in hopelessly befuddledseriousness. So, on to pornography, both books arrd films, Pornography has always been and continúes to be a sticky subject. On the one hand. porn does stimulate sexual imagination, and therefore it has a progressive dimensión. On the other hand, however, it's so cheap, trashy, sexist, and unreal that it insults the intelligence of its audience, and porn profits generally fill pockets many people would rather not help stuff. Some folks deal with this situation by sticking to so-called "soft" pornography, otherwise known as erotic art. There are some fine books of Hindu and Chinese erotic art which improve with candlelight. Also there are the two New York Erotic Film Festivals-Number One is softer, less hard core than Number Two. This fare is still generally sexist, but it'tends to be somewhat more palatable than the average Art I offering. The Kama Sutra, quoted here, is interesting, but strange, too. In some ways, it is very progiessive, as the quoted passages have, hopefully, demonstrated. However, it is not of our time, place or mind-it contains fully six chapters on how a man should relate to a courtesan How-to books, pornography and erotic art can supply some valuable suggestions for i tive sexuality. However, the imagination still reigns supreme as the fountainhead of 1 tion. So, to lovers everywhere, more power to the imagination! 1