Iffy's Informed Sources

HOT OFF THE IFFOGRAPH, we learn from our sources in San Francisco that Gerald "Whitey" Ford, President, USA, was indeed struck by the bullet from Sara Jane Moore's gun—it went in one ear and out the other. . . . Also, informed sources tell us that the rumors are true that Ford is petrified of inviting the young gay ex-GI to the White House to thank him personally for saving his life—seems he blanches at the thought of another Nellie in the White House. . . . Also on the Ford Front, reliable insiders are saying that Ford's advisors are upset that his wifey, Mrs. Betty, has surpassed him in popularity in the latest polls. One advisor, convinced that Mrs. Ford's mastectomy has given her the sympathy vote edge over her spouse, wants it released that Ford himself underwent a lobotomy operation upon the ascendancy of Nellie Rockefeller to the vice-presidency, but other aides are reported worried that the strategy might do more harm than good. . . . And, lest we overlook the recent exploits of the honiferous star of stage and screen, Joan Blondell (via Earl Wilson), we quote: "I heard the grandchildren whispering 'we got you some marijuana for your birthday . . . you are gonna pop pot. I thought, how cute of those kids. I only took two puffs but I got high right away. Suddenly I started to sing 'Born Free' at the top of my voice and I don't even know it. . . . I ran and ran and shook people out of the building. It took me two days to get over it." Iffy sez, stay high, Joannie baby, you're living proof that you can indeed teach an old dog. . . . . . . . . . . . .