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The Eisenhower Tears

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Eisenhowei spent Sundays in the attic ot defunct selter bottling factory trying on old hats & whistle Annv songs. He was happy. I Ie Found a id map o Madagaacar juá wondered ii ii'll be worth anythiiig, The he heard the nightwatchnuin coming up the stuit and lie hiU behind r a mandolín. "Who's in hete'.'" said the guard beaming liis liglu aiound the ruuni. "I heard a littie noise up here, ('ome oti out." 'Here I am." said Ike standing up. "Why it's ike hasyhowei .'" s;iid t lie man take liis ligia away trom Piesident evos. "What are you doing here?" "Sha man Adams and me well we just come up here actually tor ideas some times. U's O.K." "Sherman Adams drives a Buick. don't lie?" The two men moved ove! and sat on a dusty Irunk, "l"ve decided," said Ike. "ihat we (leed well we reallv need loss government in business and more business in government." "Give the people what they want. Pros!"' "We gotta tighten our control on the Cominunists actually." "Here here!" "And we t'inally ini to face the Negro I think." "We jo!ta tace him." "d's lime to give your Negio .111 even crack l'ffl preuy certain in thai legard." The guard taughed and said he sure enjoyed being next to the President. The President brouglit a boiiie ot green juice from his pocket and the men shared it. They becanie very stnall. Eisenhower led the guard to a small mouschole and the two men entered. They passed glearnmg rov's oi'new cars with big price tags say S S S S S S S S lied to bumper. They walked through rooms of square boxy furnitme and men with sliek hair advertise producís oí 1 V. They passed a giant sie poster of Maiilyn Monroe. They watched the Sputnik gii up. I hoy watched Bobby Thompson hit a homerun against the Dodgers. They aie show cones. The) saw Norman Mailei and Jack Kerouac Indian wrestle in crummy old bar. They saw the ( v.i) Kid eatinga hos of Fab Soap. "I likc Ike." said the guard as the men walked through the rooms. "Tve alwayssaid that. l'vc aiways contended Miadup: Aheud, Mamie sat on white leather bar stool. She wore combat boots and tluck heit ; nothing cisc. "(mes mo a luird-un cvery time I see her like that," said ikc. Ike went over and gave Mamie some heatl. The niahtwatdiman tumed awav saying. "Oh dear, Oh dear. ..." N "Nuw, where wcrc we?" ask the Presiden! returning and whipuighis mouth with starclied napkm I rum Bcisy Ross Unen chest oú mothball smell pine chest woman see through lacy curtaiiis. "1 lióse ;trc important years," say (he guard blinking. "Tliat's what I say." Eari Warren becnme Chiel Justice. "That's what I say," Eisenbower repeled "These are importen! iimes. lt is witliin our power tn help or hinder this country at this point like il is. i mean what i mean is about, wel!, is about your Communists. ('ertainly there is a system of which many have uudoubtediy found themselves victims. Howevet, ai! is not as bad as it sometimes appears here. Oh, I mean, weli," scratches head, perplexed. "Well, it's iike this. You have two countrics. One 's this way and the other is that. Shit, let's go gei something to eat." They chewed some erystals. They turned down a purple hailway and entered a room with ATOMIC BOMB written on the door. Forty insect-Jöofcing men in white coats and with electric penises were piling bombs against a wall. One of them approadied Ike. "We have more than anyone now," he said. "We got. shit, we must have a cotiple thotisaiid ofthose babics." "Good." said Ike "I broughi the guard here down to see the operation we got going." . "it's a cold war going on oui there," said the scientist. "We got A bombs tor you. We gol II bombs. Wluiiya need?" "Well," said the guard, "Cd iove to see an H bomb. I mean Va appreciate it. You know the kids and all. What thcy'd think. "Set one ofï lor the man," said the President joking, and then the men went into sterüe room lor instant coffee and hard buns. The men ate iheir buns in the sterile room. Each bun had a center of CL 70 in it. They ate the GL 7() and then Ike and the guard left the rooms through the mousehole and sat on the attic floor. They drank red syrup and got back to regular sie. They went to a show and after the show to a pitch 'n putt golfcourse where Ike scored a hole in one. Bill Hutton's History of America was published by The Coach House Press, TorontoDetroit. Copyright O 1968 by Bill Hutton