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Subscribers Classified

Subscribers Classified image
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One of the Chicago editors {jets oñ a good bit at nowspaper subscribers. Ho divides them into classes, whieh lio says ara capable of innumerable subdivistons. According to his "hooktionary" the first elass are the up-righls. These are raou who take newspapors pay lor them and raad them. They do the thing by system. They pay first and then read. They are generally intelligent men, and consider taat they get the worth of their monoy. It seems as fair and j ust to them thai the nowspaper should bo paid for, as a barrel of flour or a new coat. Thoy never entertain any other opinión When the year runs out, they are on hand again with the pay. Tbis class the editor remarks, are near and dear to the honrt of the printer. Theii image is embalmed in affections, nnd they are universally respeoted. The socond class are the do wels. They are in some degree related to the first. They pay up during the first six months - "intended to do su before, but forgot it." They never forget it if they fafl to reoetve lbo papar once a weuk. But these patrons will do. They won't let the printer suffer, if occasionally re minded of their short cominga. The third claas are the easy docrs. They believe in newspapors - always road. They tako iho paper without urging. They come np like men and pay for the first year. The next year rolls along but they quiet themselvos with the conviction that they paid for the first year, and on the strength of that, neglact the printer till he begins to inquiro after the state of their health, pockets, &c, when they awako to tho fact that they are in arreara, and after a few weeks grunting and grumbling, they come forward with fifty excuses, and pay the old score. There are many such newspapers patrons. They never disputo the printer's bill,however. They tóow that books well posted teil botter storiea thao treacherous moss uovered rDemofiea; If the printer can manage to beg his way till these wheel horses pay up he muy possibly get along üftor a fashion, but its a hazardous dependencia, The nest ulass are the duwt killers. One of these will takft a puper because "wife wants it,"or :iis neighbor persuades him. When it begins to come he epends no thoucts Li pon it further. In the course of the feM, if the constable visita him he flaiy pay up, grudgingly, but with growls md with surely looks. An ordinary 3un has ño more effect upon him than } bullethnson the sido of a hippopoaraus. The printer can't live with such men. The fiftli clasa are the nix eum a rouse. They never pay for tho paper - nor anything else. They ara always grumbling at tho editor, too. Théy don't like his paper, it don't givo do news - never did liko it - didn't want it in thefirst placo - told thepostmaster so - sent back one a year ago, and dklu't begin to take it for a long time after it come - havn't had but two or three nurnbers, and them hain't been read, and so on to the end of the chnpter. Thus they talk, but the printer can read all such like a "book." They have a niche in his meraory and though the columns of his paper to instruot them in their duty and inake bettermen of them. He finds it an uphill business, however, and soon gives thein up - as he should. The eixth and last class is the seape grace. Every body knows what a scape graco is. One of these fellows never fuils to take five or 6x newepapapers. When ho thinks they have come about long enough for the ptiblisher to want his pay, he sends word to "stop it," or decampa for parts unkriown. He never intends to pay for it and don't. It doesn't tako many such fellow.s to starve out the printer. Such are tho variaties of mankind wbo "taka the papers."