The Yankee And The Dandy

What alchemy was iu the oldea time chemistry is at present. The real enchanter is the skillful chemist. With a small quantity of fluid or solid substance, he can produce eíFects that would aetually make the old wizards stand aghast. In the article of explosives alone, the variety of tricks withiu his power is as infinite as the forms of vegetable life. By this aid, a house, a bridge, or a fortress may be fired or blown up at the end of five years without a living thing approaching it in the meantime ; and on the other hand, a fuse can be made to carry fire five miles in twenty seconds ; From the throwing of a bomb-shell at the Emperor's feet to the construction of explosive cigars for invetérate smokers, is only a few stops in the great field of an infinite seience. Uut in the small department of' practical joking, this science of "natural magie" comes iuto play in its unique and grotesque forms Some years ago there liyed in New York city a youth who, having familiarized hiniself with cheinistry, devoted himsolf for some time to the comical capabilities of the science. He would place explosive cigars and cigar[ights in the bar-room to astonish the tipplers and shock their red noses. He would put explosives in hickory nuts, to crack in the fingers of the ladies. And so addicted had he at last become to the practice, that there was alwayg a train of diminutive accidents and surprises in hia rear. It seemed as if his tracks became explosive as he walked the earth. Now all this was no doubt vcry wrong ; )ut the only person who seemed to disike the joke was a Yankee tailor of the city, perhaps he was the only one who deected the perpetrator And he was enraged atha"ing set on a sim all flat bundie one day in his workshop, when an explosión oceurred that knocked his head dgainst the cciling, hurled him through the window, and deposited him, stunned and bruised, in a garbage eart in the street. Well for him he got his clothes soiled, rather than came to the pave ment. This was the last exploit of our young chemist in New York. He disappeared ïminediaetly. Over a year afterward, our "rieud -who was by the way an Englishman, and a somewhat extravagant dandy - entered an elegant tailoring establish ment in Chicago city, and ordered a ïeavy winter overooat. Perhaps he did not remember the name was the same as that of the New York tailor, but his former victim was at the moment observiug lim with a lowering scowl from behind a distant desk. The coat was ready when promised, and its owner feit proud of it - a fine large overcoat, thickly padded with cotton, but he did not know that it was gun cotton! He proceeded to the lake side on a fine cold moruing to enjoy a dav's skating, but just as he got to the edg'e of the ice, his compauions stood aghast at bis suddenly assuming the character of a small volcano, with small flashes of lightning bursting out all over him, with a roor like a volley of musketry. His new coat was reduced to square inch pieces, and his "body bruised as though some young pugilist had been pounding at him all day. Ho was picked up insensible and carried home, and his first words were to send for this tailor. "So, so, my friond, you got hoisted by your own petard, eh? You taught others how to do it, and you ought not to complain. You put gun-cotton in my chair in New York, and almost killed me : I put lt in your coat in Chicago, and frightened you very considerable. It is square between us, eh?" Such was the answer of the Yankee to his accusations. The present victim thought over it, and, seeing bimself not disfigured, concluded that the account was about square. But he never again laid explosives in the paths of his friends. The joke, he found, was i little too practical.