A Plain Epistle To Uncle Abe

I'V.ave ;i neis Abe, v own private eav- A' 1 can't üü !o Washington, Ah! as yon ivon't come heve,- . l'iii torced to put il into type, With circumspection meek : As Ijashfttlmembers oi'teii print A speech ihey dare notspeak. jy head is ni;;h to bursting, Abo, My very oye-ballsthvol), To we hal posky work you make A bout that little job, - Which yo:i. and Bill, and Horace G., Agreed so nice to do, In less than " sixty days " t'rom date - Suuffi iwenly munths ago! Ws-gave you lieaps of soldiers, Abo, To help you sm'.ta ths foe ; A sirins of warriors that would reach F rom here to Mexico. Wo paced tliem off with spades to dig, And trusty guns to slioot, With iiaversacks to grace tbeir backs, Aud fffea and drums to toot. ■ ■ You saw these mighty legions, Abe, And heard theiv manly tread; ,Yqu counted hosts of living men, - l'r.iy c3fl you count the dead 7 Look o'er the broad Potoiuac, Abe, X ;ii'.ia's hills aiong, Thair WEtkefirl ghosts are beckning you TwO mnwrèd thousand strong! We gave you sereral shillings, Abe, To pay your little dues ; Enoiiah to buy a dozen shirts, And sundry pairs of slioeti ! We iave you cattle, horses, ïnules, And wagons - full a score ; Anl sêvèral cannon ith a voice Loud as a buil could roar ! Kof what I'm after, Únele Abe, Ls siiiiply to fiud out, Wtjat you have done with all tliis 'ere, And what j'oa've been about ! Ir nnto CeesSf yon have given, All this is his concern, TliPivAír. Casar wants to know What yuu have done with hern! I you're young and handsome, Abe, And fuuny as our Pol. A peer-exalted, great and high, A seven loot tall ; YouTe big enpugh, if oidy smart To manage all the gang And tho' a little green - you''l rise, you have got the hang .' You takl us that the Locos, Abe, - Were rase als to the cere, Because thpy made so free a use Of Uticle Samuel's store. ïll tnxln milliona in a year ! - ■ Now wasu't it a sin For Democrats to squander thus The darlihg pcople's tin. And are you not deserving, Abe, Both gratitudc and grub, For liavinij stopped this wicked leak In Uncle Samuel's tub? The sae w!io did this wondrous deed, Is fit U'ith snints to sup ; It only eosts two billions more To plug the vessel up ! You said the Siuth had ruled us, Abe, Some flfty years in peace. And that the time had fully come When their vile rw'gh sliould cease: That you were to take the helm The sinking ship to save, And put her on another tack - And - I really think you have .' You're out of luck entirely, Abe, The enaine's off the track ; The biler's burst, and there you are, A sprawling on your back! The exciseman is ai the door, Contractors cry for pelf; Fon're blind and stupid, deaf and lame, Nor very well yourself. Your Cabinet is feeble, Abe, And dull as any dunce ; And if you have an ounce of brains, You'll ship them otf at once : Send Stanton to the Fejee Isles, Give Welles and Chase the sack, Svyop Haileck fov-a Hottentot, And send for Littlk Mac ! I know you teil us, Únele Abe, This is a míghty war; And that the job is rather more Than what you bargained for ! That you have done the best you could To make the re'els rue it, And f you knew what next to do, You'd go right of and do it! Now that's the very thing, Abe, That makes this din and clatter ; You don't appear to " see," Ab.i, And that is wlint's the matter ! The nigger's on tho wood-pile, Abe, As shy as any trout"; So you think the Proclamatioit, Abe, Will smoke the weasel out ! You want to free the darkeys, Abe, - At least I so construe it : The difficulty seeins to be To fiud out how to do it. The way, dear Abe, is mighty dark, And bothersome to see; I fear you'll have to give it up, And let the darkey be. I teil you what it is, Abe, Tho folks begin to tliink This colored sop is rather stale For victuals or for drink. Our mothers love their absent sons, Our wives their husbands true, But no one cares a mouldy fig For Cuflfy or for you. HrfUíclúpí Jttjjtfr