Press enter after choosing selection

A Witty Speech

A Witty Speech image
Parent Issue
Public Domain
OCR Text

Mr. Cox, the democratie momber from Obio, has certainly made the best speech of the session, n his humorous and forcible denunciation of the scheme for having heads of departments before the House. The speech was replete with historio yore, and sparkling with wit. One of the best passages was a graphic portraiiure of a visit from the present offioers, who would eit by the chairman of their respective committees. Mr. Seward, said Mr. Cox, would occupy a seat by the side of Winter Davis, chairman of the Oommittee on Foreign Affaire. The one represents Maximilian, the other Juárez, but no matter. Lovingly they sit. The chnirman moves to impung the statesmanship of the foreign secretary. The Houses sustain the corarnittee. Mr. Seward complacently smiles at the brulum fulmen, and sends his minister to Mexico to recognize the empire ! After speaking of other Seoretariee, Mr. Cox went on to say : The Speaker rises his gravel, when a rumble, like the temblor which precedes the earthquake in volcanic regious, sounds through the corridors! Voila ! the thundering Secretary of War appears ! Upon his brow the very fea ture of Mars, to threaten, and coramand ! Koom for the War Minister ! His flowing beard and spectacled face, so familiar to our eyes "Assurae the god, affect the nod, And seem to shake the spheres I" What to him are the Princesa of Be um, refurred to yesterday in the de" bate ? What the Princes ot Lahorei with their Koh-i-noors? A vvhole casket lies in his glance ; tor is he not the dispenser of $500,000,000 a year ? What to him the civil list of George III., which the Speaker Norton told the King was great beyond example ? Millions haag upon his smile, where only thousands hang upon the emiles of the proud monarchs of England ! What to him are the satrapies of the Indies ! Whole hecatombs ot greenbacks daily are saerifieed by his order ! In plain attire, but potentiul mood, he comes ! Piir oiF his coming chines; in form and Beeiwiiffltiut a man, but in imagination likSeïhë'-angel of the pit ; floating many a rood on the burning marl of war ! About him herd thousands of slaughtered beef. ArouDd hitn throng milliona of tons oí í, guns and wagons, horses and mules- an innumerable host, too great for the contracted mind of man ; and from his brow hang bounties for millions, and honors from all. Before him fall, as belore an Oriental throne, the prostrate House. In vain the Speaker calis to order ! In vain the Sergeant-at-arms brandishes them ace. Our symbol falls before the golden wand of this magician of war. At length he, too, deigns to sit. He ís" flanked by my military colleagues [Messrs. Scherick and Garfield,) and the House is ready with their questions ! Bare diversions hei e, Mr. Speaker. The record provided by the Clerk is produced. My ooileague (Mr. Schenck), or rather my colleague (Mr. G-arfield), with the sense of military skill and courage for which he is so distinguished, is the first to enquire of the War Minister, and not without embarrassment. The House is silent while he asks - what ? Whether the blowing out of the bulkhead of the Dutch Gap Canal by Butler has seriously affeeted the backbone of the rebe'lion? If ayo, bow many vertebras are demolished; and after conference with the Naval Com mittee, whether the canal, in case of a tempestuous sea, is navigable for doubleenders; and whether they cannot go either way thereiu without turning round? Mr. Cox continued in this strain exciting roars of laughter, especially when he went on to portray Mr. Morrill, ever alive to the interesls of New England, inquiring triumphantly of Mr. Fessenden, whether the tarifi should not be so ameuded as to increase the duty on dyestuffs and paper, so that, on a future issue of 817,000,000,000 of' greenbacks, the tariff will be prohibitory, tho prices raised, and a satisfactory deficieney be produeed in our revenues. Or whether by raising the prica of dyestuffs and paper, the value of greeubacks in the market might not be made equal tü the cost of their manufacture ? IEP " Does this razor go easy," asked abarber of a victim who was writhing under a clumsy instrument. " Well," replied the poor feliow, " that depends upon what you cali the operation. If you are skinuing me it goes tolerably easy, but if you are ahaving, it goos hard." jLf An enthusiastio and philanthropic young man visiting a priBon in Maine, inquired of some of the prisoners the causa of their being in such a place. A srnall girl's answer was that she had stolen a saw mili, aud wout back after the pond aüd was arrested.


Old News
Michigan Argus