Concerning Sponges

From tho CUi-istian ïimca. Most persons wbo have thcir bii-th in a Christian land, who aro at all obscrving in their habits, and who do not beloiig to that political party known as the "great unwashed," havo soino dea, more or less distiuct, of the appoarance and qualities of the sponge. The distioguishing eharaetoristic of the sponge is its capaoity for absorbing water. It has a great imbibing power. In this it is seoopd only to the habitués of a citv rum saloon or a village tavern. The learned teil us that it is au animal, and, if so, it must bo lüte thu Irishtuau'j alligator - "a baste that was all uiouth ex cspt lus tai], and that was rnoulh too." It is because of tho wonderful capacity for absorption with uhich some men are endowed by nature, or acquiro by long and successful practico, that thev havo been denoininatcd spouges. Sueh persons have the faculty and the skill of imbibing all that s nccessary for their naiutenance, eitherin a physica!, mental, or moral poiut oí view, with a gang froid and matter of-course sort of air wbicb is wonderful to behold. For nstance, in tho fii-st year of my ministrv - I arn a Baptist minister, reader - "a man drove up to my gato oue terribly rainy afternoon, threw the reins over hia horso's neck and knocked at my door. I opened it, and he said : " Is this the Kev. Mr. Gladius ? " " Yes, sir." " Well, Br. G., my naiuo is Eider Sponge. I ara on njy way t-o the generul association and I thougbt I wou ld stop over night with you. l'm verywet, so please tako my horse to your stable, give him eight or ten ears of corn and run my buggy imder cover." Dear reader, I was greenor theii tban I am now, and I did it. When [ carne back to the house I found Br. S.-corafortably seated, with bis muddy boots on the round oí one of my parlor oh airs, and nis dripping um'jrella standing upou tbo protty rug ray vvife was at so much pains to make. I went into the kitchea just in time to bear that lady teil our little hired girl to go to the store, a quarter of a mile avvay, and get somt black tea, for Br. 8. had told her he eouldn't dritit any other. AYe kept that man two dt.ys, and when I arrived at the general association, I heard of Br. S. telling that we had treated him very shabbily. An old iriend of mine, the son of a Baptist minister, told me once that when he was a boy he rcally used to think that ho rad curried ihe horses and blackened the boots ol every Baptist in ühio. He said their stock of chickens became so reduced by the visita oí ïhe traveling angels of the Spongo persuasión, that there was only left one ong-legged, wary old rooster, who becarae so su?picious that the instant ho caught sight of1 a Br. Sponge coming over the brow of tho hill, with wide extended wings and yellow legs and feet ecattering the dust iu eloads behind him, he took to the woods, cackling at the top of his voice, " My turn next - my turn next ! " I have already alluded to the air with which the Sponge inflicts himself upon you. He roally seeuis to thiuk he is doing you a great favor, and that you ought to be overvvhehncd with the sense of honor done you by his visit. Mrs. Gladius can't stand tliat. Mrs. G. is a very nice woman, a very dover woman, but not long ago, she expressed herself to mo somewhat fureibly in this wiae : '' I didn't caro so muoh about that man (i. e. Br. Sponge,) staying here n week, or about Lis blaokiug his boots on tho window sill, or making me get softboiled eggs aud toast for him evory morning. I could Rtand his detestable sanctiinonious suufflo when he prayod, but to think of bis squeezing my hand when he left, aud telling ino it must afford ruo grent pleasuru to oarry out tho Apostolic injunction in Hebrews 13:2, aud that 1 wouid reccive my reward; that I oan't stand, and wou't stand, there DOW," If theso sponges were always upon religious or dcoomiuationiil business it vvould not be quite so bad, but generally they are peddling books, selling reapers or hawking rat traps about tho country. It is aatonishing what dcmaads they will mako of one. I ouco recoived a lottei' like tLis : Sponokvillh, Aug. 5. Rov. Mr. Gladius, Dkar Biioïiikr : T am a Baptist in good standing, and ain cngagod in the ooinmission business. Can yon inform me what is the prioe of beaus in ynur village ? An early answer will greatly oblige, Yours in tbc bonds of Gospel love, A. Öl'ONGK. The following was my reply : Mr. A. Sponge, DkauSir: ï"ours of - is rcceived. No. Send me a stamp for the postage of this letter. Yours, &c , G-ladius. A still more summary dealiug is that of my friend, Kev. Muscular (Jhristiau My friend boards at the villago hotel, and not long siuco he was visited by a tiill,.solemn-looking individual, who announced himself as the geüeral aeut of the aurora borealis aid commission, tor supplying the destitutu iuhabitnuts of tho aorth polo with jialm leaf fans and ice creaui-freezers. He also said tiat he supposed it was eonveuient for him to stay there until he could present the subject to the churchos. ' Oertainly, the landlord wil bu hnppy to entertain you," blandly responded my friend. " Ah, yes, but I want to stop with you. I always stop with the minister," " Well, I wiil let you occupy one oí my rooms for a dollar and a half a day." '; But I don't mean that. I mean for you to entertain me as ether miniatura do; thej dou't charge me anything " With Ihat my friend turned and looked him nquaro in the laoo and naid : " What 8 your salnry, sir ? " " Two thousand dollars a year and my expenses paid." " Well, air, my salary is just oight hnndred dollars a yoar, and it you duti't cavo this room insliinter I shall procoed to put you out." "What!" ejaculated the general agent, lifüng i1p bifl hands in holy horror, " íh tliat the spirit of tho Gospel; is this luliilüng the itijuuction of the apostlo, " As much as iietti with in you, üvü pearcéably with all meo ? ' " " May be not," replied my friend. - "But I am vory suro the apostle never nieant all men to live with me, and I interpret ihe toxt to mean, ' Aa much as don't lie in you, put 'em out,' and I sliall irumediately proceed from the exposition to the application unlesa you leavo.'' Tho general agent lofi. Reador, don't unduratand me as endorsing the Kev. Muscular Christian's course. I must Baj tliat I tliink it a little too eevere. I have in contemplation a milder remedy. I proposo buying a sixpounder, planting it before my front gate, and loading1 it with a blank eartridge. When Br. Sponge makefl his appearance, I wil] touch it off. This will, I think, in most cases, scare him. But if ho shoukl continue to advance, I shall then, wilh my ffitnily, exeoute a mitsterly retrèat to the barn, whero I sbal! liavo onnugh provisions slored to last ino until thü öüerny raises ihe siegtí and retires.