How To Make Shirts Fit

A long time ago I uadertook the supervisión of a pet of the aforesaid garments, including, of course, theür wearer. It was the higbt of my ambitiüii that the man should be exactly fitted by bis shirts, coneeruing which he bogan to rnake coniplaiute just one moon alter I took him ia charge. " What is the matter with tbem ? " I nieekiy inquired. '' Ttiera isn't a s'iDgle ono that fits me." Totally nususpicioua of the inherent wickedness of the artielo concerned, I flattered myself that the difficulty would be easily remcdied. So I rippod hcre and basted there, pulled up thia shoulder, and pulled down that, till I thought I had it, Mistaken mortal ! it woukl not fit ! I made snother serios oí experimente with eqaally futilo results. - Then I coiisulted one or two friends, and feit eure I had at last discovared wbero the ehoe - I mean the shirt - pinohed. I applied a eure, but the thing wasa't cured. Next I employed a tailor to try bis ekill. Notone whit better. - The tiiüu was getting, and I was gettiug, desperate. As my dernier eflbrt, I summoned a council of sewing eocietv womeu, and we went into a cominittee of the whole. For hours we expended our united wiU on a single ehirt, often subjecting tbe luckiess owner to sucoessive trials of the cjarVncut. " Don't that Dow fit your neck exactly ? ;' aeked the head of the consphacv, as for the forty-fifth timo we gathered round our victini. " Why, yes," with a charming emilo of relief, and twisting h8 head about experiraentally. " Keaily, I can't suggeat sny hnproveinent." " Ob ! be joyful ! " exclaimod I, clapping my hands. " Suppose," said one of the wise women, looking at tue over her glasses as if eome important idea had struck her; "suppose we cut out a new shirt on the impi oved plaa, aad, if that suits, take a pattern from it." " Agreed," cried I, quito jubilant, and ran to a chest for the eotton. So we cut, basted and triod on - sewcd and tried on - starched, ironed and tried on. " Capital 1 " aíBrmed our representatire of the lordly sex. " Not a thread amias. -It is the first time in my Hfo that a shirt has exactly fitted me." As a grateful memorial, I mado up six new oues af ter that ideutical pattern. We euter.ed on our triuniphal epocb.- - Woe worth that day ! Must I own that beforo forty-oight hours had passed, that " exactly fitted " individual callea me aside, and poiuted with cruel siguiíicanco to bis neck. " I am vcry sorry," with the blandest air in the world. " I suppose vour mistake came from your great detsho uot to choke me." " Mistake ! choke you ! " cried I convulsivcly, a littlo tempted to try the latter. " Doa't be troubled. It requires only a elight alteration- a trifle cut out of the binding, that's all. You seo that it's rather large." " VVby couldn't you have found it out before?" I said to myself. Then aloud, with greal dignity, " Teil me precisoly how much to cut out." " Well, I should say juat tibout an inch." "Just about an inch," I muttered sarcastically, adding with a suddeu burst of indignation, "I beüeve the mischief is all iu your neck, whieh dilates and contracta on pnrpose to torment me." He emiled kindly on my wrathful tears, and 1- well - wheu the shirt was "rough dry" I dutifully cut out the inch, basted the binding, and tried it on agaiu. "That ia just wbat it wantod. It does very niccly now, you eee," working bis chin up and down. " Yes, I see. I did before." " Practico makes perfect, and this timo you hit the nuil on the head." Wben the chauge was completod, ho onca tried on the shirt, and equivocally assured me that " it fitted to a T." So I made the same alteration in tbe other n've, and sat down to take a bit of comfort Can you imagine wbat noxt happened? Iu tha course of a fortnight the man ' gavo ie au iovitaüou to ride witb biin, ; whioh I was otily too happy to accept. How extrcmoly gracious and agrecablo he wan ! 1 uiiglit havo suspectcd souiething was coming. Frota ona thing to anothor hu led tho oouversation, till finally he appi-oaohed tho old, hateful topic. (Ho had on ouo of his new shirts.) " I don'c miud my vexation," reinarked 1 iuuoceutly, " uow that you are at last suited." Thcn, supuosing the matter at rest, I turued to a pleasanter subject. Bui couiiug back to tho shirt again, las face aesumed snel) a depreeatory look that I exclaimod iu alarm : " Notbing pils thera now, I hope." " Only a very little thiug, and easily allercd. In your fear ol getting them too largo, ihuy are a triflu too smull; only a trifle " My teart swelled, but I muttored not a word. When we reaohed.. homo, 1. mado hiis: .ueusure oti liis forefiuger exaotly how mñch he wished inserted. - Tho .shirt ho had on happened to Lie the ideotioal one I had first altered. I was fortúnate enough to discoverin my work basket the very piece I had cut out. - And I was maluúous enoiigh to exult at its pro ving the exact ineasure of tho addition wauted. So I sewed it in again, repeating to myself all tha while, "Oh ! the croehetyness of man ! " Will you believe me whon T whisper it confideutially, that after all this, lor many years, I alternated betweon cuttiug out and putting in the self-saino piece - tho man's neck invariably playing me falso. Of late, howovtT, I have dropped the lubor of sevving, haviug disoovered that pinning over ono week, and unpiüning tho next, auswers all the purpose, iho viotim of thia perpetual chango silontly acquiesces in the inevitable arrangement; and what ia better, be has learued to do tho samo thing himself. There is a shirt hanging over & chair in bis chamber at this moment. I have bad the curiofiity to go and examine it, us I have been writing. I iind it is the pinning week. -