Artemus Ward And The Mormons

Artemus Waru a new talk on the " Mormrtis " is rather funuy. Here are somc of the hits' : Brighnm Young has eighty wives, be sides ihose wliich are only " sealed," aud not with him. He loves not wist ly, And too (hundred) well. The Vice President has two thousand head ol cattle, and two hnndred head of wivea. They have an awful appetite. - I once tboughtlessly gave a fatnily ticket, to an eider to attend my k'cturo. He came aud filled the whole house. 'Twas a guccess that night, but I did n't get any money. The Si?veuteen wives oí a deeeased eider tried to uiake me a Mornwn and marry them. They wept; they nove a sish - (aeveuteen sigbs- a sigh of conniderabl j fize) They put tlieir soft white hands in mine (seventeen hands!) surrciunding me. There I was alone, away frorn my parents. I exclainied, ' i hope you have nodishonora )le iutentious!" As I took myself avvny, they said in their grief. " It is t'.o much " That was jut the thiog that troubled me in their request, andsu [ i-aid, " It is too much When captured by the Indiana, I saw descending on me a glitening loraaiawk in the mtrning light. As I had no reinforcements; no pontoons ; nolast ditch with me, and I had no female at tire, so I sez boldly, " I surrender !" I was allowed to march on with my side arms and green cotton umbrella whicli uiy aunt al Scarrcap had given me. I didn't feel afraid - not I - for I had expo8ed my life before. I once stood at CentreviHe, and thousands of bullets - those leadun messengers of death ! thou8aod8 of them passing close by me - packed in boxes and wagons.