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Non-professional Novelists

Non-professional Novelists image
Parent Issue
Day
4
Month
August
Year
1871
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

We uro continuilly roeeiving li.ítej" frötö otv títJrrespoildents, asking our acceptance of tboir "tales." Most of tliem, howovor are not sensational ettough or biteresting enough to print. It is casicr l to write ;i poem than a story, as the ! lowing jnst reeeived proves. Whatshall Vo oafl it V How will tliis do ? IHB tkíálíi ir Ah AxtTBOtk I began iny litera ry careor as a poet My first effurt in this directiun was a sonnet to " Tho Moon," though I nevor got farther than the firnt line whioh, hoWeVef, eveiybody admirèd : Oh ? benuU-ous moon ! " I tkrtn thoght to exoel in sciêntific essays, and oommendëd ui interesting series to sliow " why dogs wag their taile. Tliis waa icsj)i;cti'ul]y dcelined by ton Oï twelve magazines. I did not despair, h o wever, and have trieJ tüj band nta aovel lately. 1 bsjfan a fortnigbt ugo. It was to be a thrilhng tale - an awful tale - a blood-and-tbundur tale - or vorse, n to be continui;d tale. It was called " Tho Coppet Excavutor" - a tale of Mesicoi Ban ïranoieOOj or pont" other " co." 1 had all iny cbaraetei's created. My heroïne was a lovely being - an angel minus wings. Bot sbe woukl wear her liair a foot down hor back in a half-bushel net. And she bas a pliotographic album. My hero was a nohle youtli, of ïnucli rausic and u sinowy frame ; boni of poor but honestparents. lic was " neat " with a sword. Sblood '. 'sdeath ! nnd ; der ! how ho would eut and slash ' Often, before breakfast, in a hand to hand oombat, bu bad slain fourteen men and an old vioninn, with both hands tied behind his baok ! And bo could talk Dutcb, too! Thext there was tho " Copper Excavator," our heroine's male progenitor, wno had tho earth burrowed up for miles around, searching for copper ; and who, when told that his daughtcr held a warm placo under her bodlce for our hero, said he " eolildti't sce it." My tale contained a band of robbers, the cbief of wliom eonld not be surpassod as a pilferer - with a few excoptions. Thcn I luid a villain in disguiso, who was rich lived in a niagnificont eastle, and loved Ososweot, our hoi'oine. And h(; eould sWoat and drink lager. I ulso had characters oí lessernote - an oíd haggurd hag, and a stepmother, and dukes and servante, and poor and rick uñóles, and - things. Tlie BOene was located in Sqqxvilinlwytovskit - a charming village iu Mcxioo, San Francisco, or somo other " co," as aforesaid. I had wasted two nights and two pinte of kerosene on the tule ; and in that timu the Oopper Excavator had discovored several copper mines ; niy heroine had been oarried offby the rioh oíd villaíu ; out lino had been oveiwhelmcd, taken captivo by the robbers, butnotbefore he liad " wiped out" a baker's dozen of the villains. After taking hiin prisojier, they earried hiin to a clin which overlookéd in abyss five kundred feet deep, they crflelly tied liis hands and feet, and without (iving hiin time tu say his prayers, pushed him over the clilï. He went down, down - his head striking the jutting rocks every i'ew fcet. And aere the fchird chapter ended - a sutïicient poitioti -.eek. And now comes the strangest part of all. In getting the chapters reudy for the secoud week, eveiything progressed favorably until I cune to a scène wliere iv hero was to make his appearance, when, wonde rl'ul to relato, he was not to befound! In falling over Uk; precipice he had aceidentally killed himself! That's wlint ailed him ! " Now, here was n unlookcd for interruption. A tale without a hero ' As well have a jug with no brandy ! I3ut it' I had thought ïny hero conldn't bc pitchcd over a precipice without damaging himself, I would have prevented the robbers from perpetrating the uiurderous act. Or any other man ! But I waúted my tale to bc exeiting. And moreover, don't other great anthors have their héroes thruwn into abysses thousands of teet deop, and into caves still eeper ana anerwards brmg tnem on he stage in their proper places 't You bet! I was on the point of abandoning my tcry in despair, when I was informeel by moral and highly intelligent contraiand that my defunot hero had a tuin rotber, and that they so closoly resBin)led oach otter that you oouldn't teil t'other from wbich." lt is related, that when botb small, il' ono committed m act of disobedienoe deserving punishnent, and if the inother would leavc the oom to procure the " old shoe " to sj.;uk kim, when she returned she couldn't lisinguish the offender, and would lick )oth ot' them to get the vight ono ! I at oneo ucoepted the twin brother as my lead hero's substitute, and again my tale jrogressed. Ososweet, my heroïne, was still locked up in the ouss's cuatle ; tin; Coppcr lxOAvator was doing big tliings in view of the piles of money he anticipated his mines would yiold liiiü ; and my hero had igain fallen into the olutohes ot' the robjers, who supposed he had baffled their ast efforts to put hun cut of the way, as i expeott'd he would. This time, to inake things inore suro, ;hey conduutud liim to tho cavo, and lowered him into a deep, dark, dismal, dre&ry, Ireadïul, dirty pit, loeated therein, and .eft him therc to die of starvation, as otlicrs bad done before lnra. But he did not tear liis hair in wild despair. Not much. He sat down, countcd his moncy, and took ii ehew of tobáceo. In hiapock,et h carried a piek- a toolli piek. Aith this he dug bolea is öie soft sandstone which composed the sides of the pit. Fhese holes eerved as steps fov his hands and feet, and in two days he had worked himaéli hall' way out ot' his prison. It was :i matter of lifc or death to him, and he persevorod. In anothcr day he had almost reaohed the top ; but his hands were blistered, his boots worn out. and his toe nails worn oíf, except those on his groat toos ; and on theso depended his lifc. If these were to break, his hopea, himself, and my tale would bedashcd to the eaxth, Another day had alraost wom its weary length away, and he was making his last steps, when tin.1 remaining too-nail br:.ke ott' and he oaiue down, which wus tlie end ot' iny hero and my talo. He had no more twin brotheaa I Now does anvbody snppose fchat if he had boen soniebody else's hero Lis toonails wonld have worn off? Notawora I lie wouid have effected liis escape, killed sniii;1 i'orty-livo ovit ot' the thirty robbers, :inl eventually uanied Osoeweet, who would have tumed out to ba anothor woman's dtmghter; and our hero's father, who had " gone t-o rest " some years boforo his son was bom, would have suddenly made his appearanoe to bless the happy ooüple. And - and so forth. And now 1 wiU endeavor to learn how to daaib héroes over roek hundreds of feet, into the' seething waters below, aad the modus o-pcrancLi of hurling them into bottomless pits without a hair of their heads being harmed, and thon I will ■writc you a wonderful, awful, dreadful, or any other ' ful " story. Dispatehes trom nortl crn Oh'o fny j thero were slight froats in some placea Siunday and Mr nd iv mo: ning.

Article

Subjects
Old News
Michigan Argus