Similes, Grotesque And Comical

A grotosque simile is sometimos ver)' cxprossive. We mention thoso of T);miol Wobster, who likoned tho word "would" in Rut'uu Choate'shandwriting, to a small gridiron struck by lightning ; of a suilor who likenod a gentleman whose face was coveroil with wliiskers up to his vory oyes, to a rat poeping out of a bunchof oakum ; of a western reporter, who, in a weatber itoin on a cold day, said that tho s'.'.n's rays, in the effort to thaw tlie iep, woro as futilo as tho du'.l reflex of a painted yellow dog ; of a conductor, who, in a discussion as to spoed, said the last timo he na his train from Syracuse the telegraph polos on the side looked like a fino-tooth corab. Siniiles of a like oharacter are often heard among the commonpeople and are supposed to be tho pioporty of wostrn orators. Instanoes : As sharp ns tho little end of nothing ; big as all outdoon; i t strikes me like a thousand brinks ; sliok as greasa or greasoil lightning; melancholy as a Quaker meeting by moOiilight : flat as a flounder ; qulck as a wink ; not enough to malee grnel for ' a sick grasshopper ; not clothes enoagh to wad a gun; as limp and lniibor as ;m luili.i-rubber stovopipj ; uneasy as a eat in a gurel ; no! strong enough to ; haul a codlish off a gridiron ; after you like 11 rat-torrier after a chipmunk Bquirrcl : useleFS a? whistling psalms to a doad hoise ; no luoio t"a;t:i a grasshoppor an apron ; don't mako the difforenec of a shake of a frog's tail ; soul bobbing up and down to tho bosom liko a crazy porpoiso in a pond of rod-hot greuso ; enthusiasm boiled over like a bottlo of gingurpop ; as iinpossible to penétrate his licad as to boro through Mant Blane with a boiled carrot ; as impossible as to ladle tho oooan dry with a clamshell, or rook the Gulf of Mexico through a goose-quill : or to stuif buttor into a wild-cat w;th a hot awl ; or for a shad to clirnb up a shadpole witli a fresh mackerol under oach arm ; or for a oat to run up a stovepipe with a teazlo tiod to its tail ; or for a man to lift himself over a fcnco by the strtips of his boots. There is anothor class of símiles scarcely as pertinent - as, for instanoe : straight as a ram's horn ; it will molt in your mouth like a red-hot brickbat; talk to him liko a Dutch uncln ; as odd as üick's hat.band ; as happy as a clara at high water ; quiukor than you can Bay Jack Kobinson ; like all posasssed ; liku fury; like all n:itur' ; liko all sixty;as quick as anything ;jnad as hops ; mad as Halifax ; sloop like a top ; run liko thimder; deader thau a door-nuil j getting along liko two-forty on a jlank-road.